T-Bag Strikes Again Episode 2: One, Two Buckle My Shoe

In the second story Prince Pimple is looking for a princess who will fit the silver shoes with the number 2’s on them he has. Meanwhile Penelope Plumber is fixing her sink in her house. T-Shirt leads her on a wild goose chase away from the house before Prince Pimple arrives, T-Bag tricks the Prince into thinking she is a Princess so she can try the shoes for size.
The High-T Website synopsis

You don't say

(Debbie is wandering in a forest, suddenly she hears a branch snap).
Debbie: Hello. Who's there?
Prince Pimple: Ohhhhhhhhhhh! Ohhhhhhhhhhh!
(Debbie sees the Prince standing beside her in the forest, she breaths a sigh of relief).
Prince Pimple: Well.
Debbie: Well what?
Prince Pimple: Well kindly step aside.
Debbie: Sorry.
Prince Pimple: I should jolly well think so too.
Debbie: I said I was sorry.
Prince Pimple: Ohhhhh my poor feet. I can't go another step. What are you doing here anyway?
Debbie: I'm looking for some numbers.
Prince Pimple: You don't say.
Debbie: They come from the clock in the first story back there.
Prince Pimple: You don't say.
Debbie: I've got to find all the missing numbers, put them on the clock then T-Bag will be defeated. I think.
Prince Pimple: You don't say.
Debbie: I do say.
Prince Pimple: You don't say.
Debbie: Are you listening to me?
Prince Pimple: What?
Debbie: Well I thought maybe you could help me.
Prince Pimple: Phhhw. Don't go asking me for help, I'm completely lost.
Debbie: Lost?
Prince Pimple: It really is the strangest thing. I'm a Prince, I shouldn't even be here. By rights a golden coach ought to have arrived and whisked me off to the Princess of my dreams. So what happens?
Debbie: I don't know, what happens?
Prince Pimple: Nothing. No golden coach, no Princess, no happy ending to the story, nothing.
Debbie: So what are you doing here?
Prince Pimple: Good question. I should have never set off on foot in the first place. I've been stung by nettles, scratched by brambles, covered in mud and I've missed my tea. We were going to have ice cream and jelly too.
Debbie: Oh cheer up. I'm lost as well, we can be lost together.
Prince Pimple: Hmm.
Debbie: My name's Debbie.
Prince Pimple: Pimple.
Debbie: Eh?
Prince Pimple: Prince Pimple.
Debbie: Oh I'm sorry. Pleased to meet you.
Prince Pimple: It really is a bad business all of this.
Debbie: I know a very bad business. Well, never mind, together we can find a way out of this forest.
Prince Pimple: Oh no, no, no. Not me, I'm not going another step further. I've got corns on my bunions and my feet are all swelling up. I'm whacked.
Debbie: Well I can't stop and rest, I've got to find those missing numbers, bye.
Prince Pimple: If you happen to see any Princesses on your travels, tell them that dashing handsome Prince Pimple is well on his way.
Debbie: I will.
Prince Pimple: Just as soon as his socks have dried out.

Added: 04/04/2019

Just the right moment

Penelope Plummer: Yes.
Debbie: Hello. Do you work here?
Penelope Plummer: Work, oh I do all the work around here.
Debbie: Oh dear
Penelope Plummer: Oh no, no, I love it. Plumbing, plastering, painting, the lot.
Debbie: Well can you tell me if any Princesses live here.
Penelope Plummer: Just the one.
Debbie: What's your name?
Penelope Plummer: Penelope Plummer.
Debbie: Pleased to meet you, I'm Debbie.
Penelope Plummer: Oh sorry, do come in.
Debbie: Thank you.
Penelope Plummer: You've come at just the right moment.
Debbie: Have I?
Penelope Plummer: If you could hold that there for me? (Penelope passed Debbie a tap to hold above the sink) Oh that's perfect.
Debbie: Oh, I was wondering if you... I wonder if I'll find any silver numbers here.

Added: 04/04/2020

The Princess of his dreams

Debbie: I met a prince in the forest today.
Penelope Plummer: Oh really.
Debbie: Prince Pimple, do you know him?
Penelope Plummer: Pimple! No, I think I'd remember someone with a name like that. Sounds pretty soppy to me, I bet he doesn't know one end of the hammer from the other.
Debbie: He wants to marry the Princess of his dreams.
Penelope Plummer: Oh how pathetic, they're all the same these Princes.
Debbie: What? Wouldn't you like to marry a handsome Prince?
Penelope Plummer: Eughh, I'm quite happy as I am thank you very much.
Debbie: What about the Princess? Couldn't you at least ask her? (Penelope resumes her work trying to fix the sink) Poor Prince Pimple will never find his way to this place on his own, I'd better go and fetch him.

Added: 04/04/2017

Princess T-Bag

(T-Shirt is spraying the T-Plant).
T-Shirt: There you are little T-Weed, that should keep the bugs at bay and creepy crawlies well away.
T-Bag: T-Shirt do shut up, I'm trying to listen here. So she's off to fetch the Prince is she?
T-Shirt: Who is?
T-Bag: Nobody you know. And the Prince will bring with him the shoes with the twos.
T-Shirt: The shoes with the twos.
T-Bag: Quite so T-Shirt, there's only one thing for it.
T-Shirt: What's that?
T-Bag: I must make the Prince believe that I am the Princess of his dreams.
T-Shirt: Princess T-Bag, ha, ha, ha, ha (gulps). Good idea.
T-Bag: If you want to avoid a clip round the ear boy you'd better listen carefully to this. Your job is to get rid of that silly girl whoever she is. That way I can entertain the Prince in private.
T-Shirt: How will I do that?
T-Bag: Use your imagination, no, cancel that, I'll tell you exactly how you're going to do it.

Added: 04/04/2015

Who is the Princess?

(Knocking at door).
Penelope Plummer: Well you're a bit short to be a Prince.
T-Shirt: I'm not the Prince but er... he sent me to collect you erm... to come with me in his coach.
Penelope Plummer: Yes.
T-Shirt: He's got burst pipes everywhere. You must come quick, there's water pouring in through the ceiling.
Penelope Plummer: Oh dear.
T-Shirt: And pouring down the walls too. Oh hurry, bring your toolbox, quick.
Penelope Plummer: Well this sounds like an emergency.
T-Shirt: It is, hurry.
(They both leave and T-Bag appears by magic).
T-Bag: Excellent, nobody about. What a good boy T-Shirt is sometimes. Now, to hatch my brilliant plan (uses magic to change dress). How simply divine. (Knock at door). Ha, ha, my prince has come. Just coming.
(Answers door and the Prince walks in).
Prince Pimple: Oh my poor feet, I can't go another step.
T-Bag: Oh hello.
Prince Pimple: Goodbye.
T-Bag: Where are you going you silly boy? You look positively worn out.
Prince Pimple: No wonder, I've been walking miles and miles and miles.
T-Bag: Oh you poor thing, what a shame. Imagine coming all this way just so that little old me can try on these beautiful silver shoes.
Prince Pimple: Not yet, not yet, can't you see the state I'm in? I must sit down.
T-Bag: Then sit down.
(T-Bag uses her magic for a chair to appear, the Prince sits down).
Prince Pimple: Ahhh and I must soak my aching feet.
T-Bag: Then soak them.
(Uses magic and a bowl of water appears).
Prince Pimple: Ahhh.
T-Bag: Now about these shoes.
Prince Pimple: Oh and I must have something to eat, I'm famished.
T-Bag: Cake crumbs and crumpets.
Prince Pimple: Yes, that'll do nicely.
(Uses magic to conjure up a plate of crumpets).
Prince Pimple: No, no, I, I've changed my mind. I'd like some ice cream and jelly. I must have a bowl of ice cream and jelly.
T-Bag: Arrgghhhh, I'm not here to wait on you hand and foot. I want to try on those shoes.
Prince Pimple: And I want my ice cream and jelly.
T-Bag: And I want to try on those shoes.
Prince Pimple: And I want (T-Bag uses her magic) you to try on those shoes.
T-Bag: That's more like it.
(Debbie walks in).
Debbie: Hello... T-Bag!
T-Bag: Deborah.
Prince Pimple: I say Princess.
Debbie: That's no Princess, that's T-Bag.
T-Bag: Curse you child.
Debbie: You don't scare me T-Bag, you can't harm me, I'm going to find all those silver numbers then your time will be up.
T-Bag: You won't get a single one of them.
Debbie: That's where you're wrong. See, I've got the one already.
T-Bag: Arrghhh!
Debbie: And I'll get the rest.
T-Bag: You won't.
Prince Pimple: Quiet, quiet, quiet. Now if you aren't the Princess, and you aren't the Princess, who is the Princess?
(Penelope and T-Shirt walk in).
T-Shirt: Oh.
Penelope Plummer: Having a party? Oh what fun.
T-Shirt: Uh-oh.
T-Bag: I don't believe this. T-Shirt.
Debbie: T-Shirt?
T-Shirt: Who are you?
Debbie: Eh?
T-Shirt: Who is she?
T-Bag: Never mind, I thought I told you to take her for a very long ride.
T-Shirt: I did, we went through the creepy forest, up the winding mountain trail, across the muddy river valley and through the swamp.
Penelope Plummer: And then the wheel fell off the coach.
T-Shirt: That's right, the wheel fell off and I fell in the swamp.
Penelope Plummer: It was so funny.
T-Shirt: Terrible swamp, muddy and smelly.
Prince Pimple: Oh I know that swamp, sticky and horrible.
T-Shirt: That's the one, yeah.
Penelope Plummer: It was lucky I had these along to fix the wheel back on.
T-Bag: Shut up! Now let's get rid of that (the bowl of water disappears). That's better. You, put on the shoes.
Prince Pimple: Oh yes...
Debbie: Arrrrrh.
Prince Pimple: ...I must put on the shoes.
Debbie: Two silver twos.
T-Bag: Quite so Miss Horrible and any minute now they will be mine. You, put them on.
Debbie: Oh let me do that.
T-Bag: What?
Debbie: I don't mind cause I know they won't fit you.
T-Bag: Alright, just put them on.
Prince Pimple: If these shoes fit you'll shortly see, the family legend pure and simple, you'll be the one who'll marry me and end up with a pimple.
T-Bag: Oh belt up.
Debbie: Oh no.
Penelope Plummer: What's the matter?
Debbie: They fit.
Prince Pimple: They fit.
T-Shirt: They fit.
Penelope Plummer: They fit.
T-Bag: They fit. The shoes fit. They're mine, do you hear, the shoes are mine. I've got the shoes with the silver number twos, so hard luck to yous and a scooby-dooby-doos!?
Prince Pimple: You mean to say you're the girl of my dreams?
T-Bag: Eh?
Prince Pimple: You're the one I'm going to marry and live happily ever after with?
T-Bag: You must be joking, I've got what I'm after, I'm off. T-Shirt, come along.
(T-Bag and T-Shirt disappear).
Prince Pimple: I say this is all very odd.
Penelope Plummer: Very odd.
Prince Pimple: I mean, how could the shoes possibly have fitted her? I mean, she's no Princess.
Debbie: Ta dah!
Prince Pimple: I say, what have you done?
Debbie: I swapped the shoes around, gave her yours.
Prince Pimple: That was jolly clever. I say, that was jolly clever, wasn't it? I say, I, I don't suppose you'd like to try them on would you?
Debbie: Oh no, I'm no Princess.
Prince Pimple: Pity.
Debbie: Yes.
Prince Pimple: Will I ever find anyone who fits the shoes?
Penelope Plummer: Oh no, don't look at me.
Debbie: Well go and fetch a Princess.
Penelope Plummer: I can't.
Debbie: Why not?
Penelope Plummer: Oh give them to me.
(She puts the shoes on and appears in a beautiful dress).
Penelope Plummer: Because I am the Princess. Oh for Pete's sake, yuck.
Prince Pimple: The Princess of my dreams, we'll be married right away and live happily ever after in a fairy tale castle in clouds.
Penelope Plummer: I haven't time for all that.
Prince Pimple: But.
Penelope Plummer: There's far too much work to be done around here. Gutters to clear, hedges to trim, walls to plaster.
Prince Pimple: Yes but I was just erm...
Penelope Plummer: And I must simply attend to that sink, I don't know what's wrong with it.
Prince Pimple: Well I can tell you from here what's wrong with it, you've tried to put your u-bend on back-to-front.
Penelope Plummer: I have?
Prince Pimple: Well obviously.
Penelope Plummer: Well, how do you know that?
Prince Pimple: I read about it, I've read every book in the palace library. I'm an absolute mind of useless information.
Penelope Plummer: Not so useless Pimply.
Prince Pimple: No?
Penelope Plummer: I get the idea that you and I could make a fantastic team Pimply.
Prince Pimple: Do you?
Penelope Plummer: Your know-how, my elbow grease, the world's our oyster.
Prince Pimple: I see what you mean.
Penelope Plummer: And after we've done this you must stay for dinner.
Prince Pimple: Oh that'd be nice.
Penelope Plummer: We're having ice cream and jelly, do you like it?
Prince Pimple: Do I like it? Hah, when do I start? What do I do?
Penelope Plummer: Just stick with me and you won't go wrong. Wrench.
Prince Pimple: Wrench, hmmm.
Penelope Plummer: Spanner.
Prince Pimple: Spanner.
Debbie: Excuse me.
Prince Pimple & Penelope Plummer: Yes.
Debbie: These.
Prince Pimple: Yes.
Debbie: May I take them please?
Prince Pimple: Yes of course, take them, take them.
Debbie: Oh thanks.
Penelope Plummer: Stay for dinner?
Debbie: Oh no I can't, thank you.
Prince Pimple: All the more for us, hah. Cheerio then.
Debbie: Bye.
Penelope Plummer: Bye. Come on Pimply.
Prince Pimple: Too right, huh.

Added: 04/04/2022

Everything's your fault

T-Bag: It's all your fault boy, all your fault.
T-Shirt: How is it my fault?
T-Bag: Everything's your fault!