Take Off With T. Bag Episode 8: Bin Bag

The co-ordinates stop the saucer in the middle of deep space where Tow-Ling finds a little creature that only eats metal objects, Tow-Ling calls the creature Nibbles. When the saucer is swallowed by a much larger ship Tow-Ling gets caught by the commander of the ship, Bin Bag. Nibbles rescues him but runs off so Bin Bag with T-Bag, T-Shirt and Tow-Ling must catch it before it eats the whole ship!
The High-T Website synopsis

Stupid computer games

T-Shirt: That's it, careful now.
Tow-Ling: Oh see that?
T-Shirt: Blast it with a laser quick. Nice one, easy now. Look out! There's a three-headed dragon-thingy coming up behind you.
T-Bag: T-Shirt!
T-Shirt: Uhh!
Tow-Ling: Your Majesty.
T-Bag: I don’t pay you to sit around playing stupid computer games.
Tow-Ling: But you don't pay me.
T-Bag: Exactly, you're hopeless. Now where are we and more to the point where's my birthday surprise?
Tow-Ling: Well according to my calculations we're just entering the Bermuda triangle.
T-Bag: Oh and knowing you it'll turn out to be the Kennington Oval.
Tow-Ling: Right, I think it's time to land.
T-Bag: Oh I suppose it will be yet another complete waste of time and my energy.

Added: 04/04/2023

Slap bang in the middle of deep, deep space

Tow-Ling: Well here we are.
T-Bag: Here we are. Here we are. What do you mean, here we are?
Tow-Ling: This is it, this is the place, we've arrived.
T-Bag: Ohhh, I think, I think the kid's gone and flipped his lid.
Tow-Ling: But I'm telling you I followed the co-ordinate to the last digit.
T-Bag: Oh digit-fidget. Do me a favour. Look out there. Come on, move it. Look out there, you little idiot. Look, look. It's blacker than a crow's nostril after he just flown down a coal mine during a total eclipse of the sun. Ohhhh, ohhhhhhh, ohhhhh, oh, good, good, am I good? Am I good or am I what? I must write that one down and use it in my novel. Idioooooot! We're slap bang in the middle of deep, deep space. And talking of slap bang.
Tow-Ling: Oh no, I'm sorry but I've done my bit. If you want your birthday surprise I suggest you step outside and look for it.
(T-Shirt walks in).
T-Shirt: Right, we're here then are we? Okey-cokey, let's get cracking.
T-Bag: Oh Shirty, Shirty. Light of my life. You're gonna need something a bit warmer than that.
T-Shirt: Ok, I'll get a scarf.
Tow-Ling: Cous', take a look out the window.
T-Shirt: Huh. (Looks out the window) There's nothing out there.
T-Bag: There will be in a minute.
T-Shirt: Yeah, what's that?
T-Bag: You. Ha, ha, ha, ha!
(T-Bag uses her magic and T-Shirt and Tow-Ling are in spacesuits, she then makes them vanish and reappear outside the saucer).

Added: 04/04/2023

It's one giant step for man

Tow-Ling: Wow! This is fantastic, I've always wanted to walk in space. Ground control to Major Tom, it's one giant step for man.
T-Bag: And it'll be one giant slap for boy if you don't shut up and start looking for my birthday surprise.
Tow-Ling: And getting with the slaps, sheesh!
T-Bag: Oh just keep looking, keep looking.
T-Shirt: There's nothing to look at. Just blackness. It's blacker than the inside of a chimney sweep's earhole after he's just been scuba diving in a liquorice lake during an inkstorm.
T-Bag: Oh Shirty, you idiot. I've told you before, leave the colourful imagery to me. Now Roger and out.
T-Shirt: Come on, we might as well go back inside.
Tow-Ling: Oh, but I was just...
T-Shirt: Tow-Ling.
Tow-Ling: Affirmative Captain, engaging re-entering mode. Docking procedure now in operation. Flight lieutenant Tow-Ling Shirt returning to Mothership, over.

Added: 04/04/2024

A parking meteor

Tow-Ling: Something tells me we’re not in Kansas anymore Nibbles.
T-Bag: Oh great, great, you can’t park in space for five minutes without getting your spaceship towed away.
T-Shirt: Perhaps we should have left it on a parking meteor.

Series 103

T. Shirt: Hey, look at this, 5th of March 2086, I must just see the telly page. I thought so, Tuesday five past four, T. Bag and the Revenge of the golden cupcakes from planet Zog, series 103 of this long running popular children's comedy.
T. Bag: Give me that
T. Shirt: Trash Zapper?
T. Bag: Yes and if your head was big enough to fit into the trash zapper, I'd have that zapped into space too.

Snivelling little snotty faced stowaway

Bin Bag: Snivelling little snotty faced stowaway, that's all I need.
Tow-Ling: No, you've got it all wrong, I'm not a stowaway.
Bin Bag: Can it will you? You can sweat it out in here 'til we get to Zanussi.
Tow-Ling: Look, all I need to do is to borrow your ship's computer to check out some co-ordinates.
Bin Bag: Huh, what is it with you gimpoid? You've been in a time warp for the last fifty years or what?
Tow-Ling: I don't understand.

Added: 06/06/2015

Keep the volume down Shirtface

T-Shirt: We should have taken the corridor back there. We're going completely the wrong way.
T-Bag: Ohhh, keep the volume down Shirtface, I know exactly where I'm going. Oh.

Added: 04/04/2017

The great virus of 33

Bin Bag: Computer’s huh, all the computers were wiped out in the great virus of 33.
Tow-Ling: No computers, I can’t believe it!
Bin Bag: Believe it buddy.
Tow-Ling: It can’t be.
Bin Bag: You really are out of it, aren’t you?
Tow-Ling: But how can you get by without word processors and calculators and stuff?
Bin Bag: Paper and pen old palski, paper and pen.
Tow-Ling: So that explains the boxes of paper clips, that are needed for all the extra paperwork.
Bin Bag: Give that boy a Berusian purple coconut.
Tow-Ling: And don’t tell me, this is a salvage vessel collecting up old space junk and recycling it into paperclips.
Bin Bag: You hit the nail right on the head boy chick, go to the top of the universe.

Added: 04/04/2015

Tiny Questionette

T-Shirt: Just around this next corner, and see, told you, we’re back.
T-Bag: Just one incy-wincy tiny questionette to put to you.
T-Shirt: Fire away.
T-Bag: Where’s my flipping flaming flying saucer?
T-Shirt: Ah, it’s gone!

It's a blurt!

T-Bag: Hold it right there you hooligan.
Bin Bag: What the?!
T-Bag: One scratch on our lovely flying saucer and it's your no-claims bonus up the spout matey.
Bin Bag: What is this? Inter-planetary stow-a-way day or what? Where on Tharg-minor did you two spring from?
T-Shirt: That's our spaceship and we want it back.
Bin Bag: Dream on Nudnik, any metallic debris abandoned in sector 349 immediately becomes the sole property of the Federation Star Trek division. And I have a license to prove it.
T-Bag: And I have a fist to prove you're talking out of your ejector seat.
Bin Bag: Okay lazer lips you're coming with me.
T-Bag: Oh back off you scrap sap.
T-Shirt: Ladies, ladies, please.
Bin Bag: Flipping great nazuggs, it's a blurt!
T-Shirt: Nibbles.
T-Bag: Oh, as I was saying, as I was saying.
(Bin-Bag chases after Nibbles and T-Bag and T-Shirt follow her to continue their conversation)
T-Bag: Oi, are you listening to me?
Bin Bag: Did you see it?
T-Bag: What?
Bin Bag: Did you see it?
T-Shirt: You mean nibbles?
Bin Bag: I mean, the Cambodian Quazzuck. Only the most malevolent little parasite in the whole steaming galaxy.
T-Shirt: What that thing? Nah.
Bin Bag: Listen up, that metal munching monster is going to work it's way round this ship nibbling on every nut, bolting down every bracket and gorging itself on every girder, steel-door and copper-plated pipe.
T-Bag: Oh fascinating I'm sure but listen...
Bin Bag: You don't seem to be tuning into my wavelength popsicle. When that lead-loving leach has finished off the cargo, it's going to start on the bulkhead, it has to bite it's way through the outer wall of the ship and we're all going to be blown into the outer limits, next stop Infinity City. I just don't get it, what suicidal spongehead would bring a creature like that onboard?
Tow-Ling: Hi everyone, anybody here seen Nibbles?

Added: 04/04/2013