Take Off With T. Bag Episode 3: Bagsy Malone

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Episode 1Many Happy Returns
Episode 2Thief Of Baghdad
Episode 3Bagsy Malone
Episode 4Curse Of The Mummy
Episode 5Doctor Strangebag
Episode 6Antony and Cleopatra
Episode 7Phantom Of The Opera
Episode 8Bin Bag
Episode 9The Red Shoes
Episode 10Shangri-La

UK Air Date22/09/1992, 4.15pm
Repeat ScreeningN/A
Copyright Year1992
VTR Dateunknown
Fremantle Archive Ref56887 (series ref)
Consecutive Episode Number87
IMDB LinkEpisode page

T. Bag (Tabatha Bag)Georgina Hale
T. ShirtJohn Hasler
Tow-Ling ShirtBea Julakasiun
Lieutenant KowalskiPeter Banks
Bagsy MaloneKerry Shale

Make UpChristine Morrell
CostumeJo Allman
Stage ManagerBobby Webber
Lighting DirectorPeter Bower
Production AssistantGill Thomas
Video Tape EditorGrant Goodwin
Production DesignerAlex Clarke
ProducerCharles Warren
DirectorNeville Green
Written ByLee Pressman
Grant Cathro

When T-Bag assists in the escape of Bagsy Malone when he robs a jewellery store she is arrested by Lieutenant Kowalski. They manage to run but Tow-Ling gets caught so they have to catch Bagsy Malone to clear their name.
The High-T Website synopsis

Taken Hostage

Jazz Musicians


T. Bag's Reward

For more images see the Image Galleries

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The subtlest means

Lieutenant Kowalski: OK, freeze. all of yers.
T-Bag: Oh good evening Constable.
Lieutenant Kowalski: Lieutenant.
T-Bag: Oh it's so nice to meet you Lou. Now can you point us in the direction of where my birthday surprise.
Lieutenant Kowalski: Button it broad, you're under arrest.
T-Shirt: Under arrest?
T-Bag: What?
Tow-Ling: What for?
Lieutenant Kowalski: Don't you come the little innocence act with me buster, now be good little people and get your hands over your heads.
T-Bag: Oh not again.
Lieutenant Kowalski: Now I expect you all know what the charge is.
Tow-Ling: We have to pay?
Lieutenant Kowalski: Shut up. Aiding and abetting villainous mobster Bagsy Malone in his escape from Highstone jewellery store.
T-Bag: What?
T-Shirt: Hey, I was right, jewellery store raid, the Shirt is well chuffed.
Lieutenant Kowalski: Last seen driving Malone's getaway vehicle. We are looking here at fifteen years in the slammer, minimum… each.
T-Shirt: Uh, Lieutenant er, there seems to be an itsy bitsy misunderstanding here.
Lieutenant Kowalski: Sure has heck don't. I saw you, you did it, I caught ya. You are going to jail.
Tow-Ling: But we were taken hostage.
Lieutenant Kowalski: Tell it to the judge fella. Now walk, real slow.
T-Bag: Hmmmm.
T-Shirt: What do we do?
T-Bag: We extricate ourselves from the situation using the subtlest means we can, leave it to me.
(T-Bag uses her magic and she hits Lieutenant Kowalski over the head with a baseball bat).
Lieutenant Kowalski: Ow! Ooh!
(T-Bag laughs).
T-Shirt: You steaming great ninny, what did you do that for? That is assaulting a police officer. Another fifteen years in the slammer, minimum… each.
T-Bag: Oh shut up, you idiot. He can't arrest us now can he? Not while he's out cold.
(Lieutenant Kowalski begins to regain consciousness).
T-Shirt: Tell me Mrs Einstein now what do we do?
T-Bag: Now, oh now we run, ooooh.
(He catches Tow-Ling but T-Bag and T-Shirt have got away).
Lieutenant Kowalski: Oh no you don't. You pair, come back here, ya hear. Will you shut up, I'll get ya, so help me, if I have to turn this city on it's head and when I do... OK fella let's go, nah come on now, get you booked in here.
(Lieutenant Kowalski leads Tow-Ling inside the Police Station).

Added: 04/04/2015

I thought of that yonks ago

(T-Bag and T-Shirt are in separate bins hiding from Lieutenant Kowalski).
T-Bag: Euurrrrgggghhhhhhh! Ohhhhh-oohhhh. Oh, trust you, trust you to get the empty one.
T-Shirt: This is a disaster.
T-Bag: Oh my lovely headdress, my hair, reeks and stinks, eurhh, of fish, mackerel.
T-Shirt: I was talking about Tow-Ling.
T-Bag: Oh who cares?
T-Shirt: He's been thrown in jail.
T-Bag: Who cares about him? Oh, more to the point, how am I gonna get my birthday surprise? I can't even walk the streets to find it, hm.
T-Shirt: There's only one thing for it, we're going to have to find that Bagsy Malone, hand him over to the Police and clear our names.
T-Bag: Oh, well obviously, obviously, I thought of that yonks ago. Hmm, but he ran off didn't he? What did he do, leave us a calling card or something?
T-Shirt: In a manner of speaking.
T-Bag: What's that?
T-Shirt: Oh, it's nothing much, just a major clue. The Blue Cockatoo Club, 42 West Twenty second street. Just call me Columbo.

Added: 04/04/2016

I have a hunch

T-Bag: Are you sure this is the right place?
T-Shirt: Can't you trust me to do anything?
T-Bag: I'd rather trust Moby Dick to host the lovely legs contest.
T-Shirt: Says it right there, doesn't it, the Blue Cockatoo Club.
T-Bag: Oh, we won't find him in this dump.
T-Shirt: We will, I have a hunch.
T-Bag: That explains why your clothes don't fit.
T-Shirt: I vote that we split up, you look over there and I'll hang about here.
T-Bag: We won't find him in here.
T-Shirt: Don't argue with me woman, go on, and if you see him holler.
T-Bag: You look cute when you get stroppy.

Added: 04/04/2012

Blue Cockatoo

Bagsy Malone (on phone): Operator, get me Chicago 2, 3, 2, 3, double 2, 3.
T-Bag (in song): Hoo, hoo, hoo, hooooooooooo.
Bagsy Malone: Yeah?
T-Bag (in song): I wonder where my baby is tonight, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, toooo.
Bagsy Malone: What?
T-Bag: Oh say hi gorgeous. Is this the Purple Parakeet Club?
Bagsy Malone: Blue Cockatoo!
T-Bag: Oh I blame the draft from the window. You wanna watch that.
Bagsy Malone: Look doll, I'm up to my eyes here, what do you want?
T-Bag: Oh, say a little dickie bird told me that you're looking for female jazz musicians.
Bagsy Malone: Huh?
T-Bag: Oh do you hear that Nancy? We've come to the right place. Oh forgive my manners, manners. I'm Florence Lawrence, queen of the high and the low C's, and this is Nancy Clancy, trombonist, trombonist! Isn't that right Nancy?
(T-Shirt comes disguised as a woman carrying a trombone).
T-Shirt: Yeah, right Florence (mimics sound of trombone).
Bagsy Malone (on phone): Oh yeah, hi, Al, hold on half a sec would yous?
(addresses T-Bag and T-Shirt) Ok girls, you're hired. Well go ahead, don't just stand there like you never heard me, get to work.
T-Bag: Ohhhhhhhhh.
Bagsy Malone (on phone): Yeah, yeah, oh you too uh. Oh yeah, so you're going down river what? Sorry, (music plays) now where was we? E... (addresses T-Bag) Not in here. Out there. Sheesh!

Added: 04/04/2020

This is my birthday surprise

Lieutenant Kowalski: Bagsy.
Bagsy Malone: Urgh.
Lieutenant Kowalski: Bagsy Malone. You are not obliged to say anything...
Bagsy Malone: Yeh.
Lieutenant Kowalski: ... but if you do I'll be happy to, er, rip out your tongue and hang you with it.
Bagsy Malone: That seems fair.
Lieutenant Kowalski: Oh, plus, you get the reward from the jewellery store.
T-Bag: The reward. Oh thank you, thank you, oh I knew, I knew, I knew, this is my birthday surprise. Oh thank you, thank you lieutenant, constable, officer, thank you, thank you.
Lieutenant Kowalski: Thank you, this is from the jewellery store.
Tow-Ling: Another golden envelope!
T-Bag: What?

Added: 04/04/2018

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  • Kerry Shale appeared in The Tomorrow People which was also written by Lee Pressman and Grant Cathro. Kerry Shale appeared in all five episodes of 'Monsoon Man' as Wilkie.
  • Kerry Shale appeared in Mike & Angelo which was also written by Lee Pressman and Grant Cathro. Kerry Shale appeared in the episode 'Blast From The Past' (#6.7, 05/04/1994) as Jerry Finklestein.
  • Peter Banks appeared in Mike & Angelo which was also written by Lee Pressman and Grant Cathro. Peter Banks appeared in the episodes 'Love Boat' (#6.1, 22/02/1994) and 'A Wonderful Wife' (#6.10, 26/04/1994) as Barney Mason and the episode 'The Return of Hank Sinatra' (#12.10, 07/03/2000) as Mr Travis B. Huckleberry III.
  • Peter Banks appeared in Polterguests which was also written by Lee Pressman and Grant Cathro. Peter Banks appeared in the episode 'Ghoul Power' (#1.4, 29/03/1999) as Herb Gimbal.
  • Peter Banks and Kerry Shale both appeared in the 2011 Doctor Who series in the same episode (Episode 2 - Day of The Moon), although their scenes were not together.

  • Kerry Shale, who plays Bagsy Malone, appears in two episodes throughout the nine series of T-Bag. This is his second of his two appearances. At four episodes Kerry Shale has the shortest running number of episodes between his two appearances of any guest actor of the series.
    (T. Bag and The Sunstones of Montezuma, Episode 8: Napoleon and Josephine)
  • Peter Banks, who plays Lieutenant Kowalski, appears in two episodes throughout the nine series of T-Bag. This is his second of his two appearances.
    (T. Bag and The Sunstones of Montezuma, Episode 4: Gone Fishing)
  • Bagsy Malone appears as a party guest later in this series during episode ten; this was filmed during filming of episode three.
    (Take off with T. Bag, Episode 10: Shangri-La)
  • T-Shirt dresses up as a girl or woman in different series, mainly to disguise himself.
    (T. Bag and The Revenge of the T. Set, Episode 9: The Bard)
    (T. Bag and The Pearls of Wisdom, Episode 8: Cedric Sackbutt's Search For A Song)