Take Off With T. Bag Episode 3: Bagsy Malone

When T-Bag assists in the escape of Bagsy Malone when he robs a jewellery store she is arrested by Lieutenant Kowalski. They manage to run but Tow-Ling gets caught so they have to catch Bagsy Malone to clear their name.
The High-T Website synopsis

One truly weird set-up

Bagsy Malone: Hey, hey, hey, this is one unbelievable stunt you're pulling here Dollface. I love it to death and then some (laughs). Arrivederci suckers (laughs).
T-Shirt: I've never been hijacked before, it's quite exciting really.
Bagsy Malone: I got to hand it to you Dollface, this is one truly weird set-up you have here but I am more than somewhat thankful that you happened along. For you have truly upped and rescued my neck.
T-Shirt: What's in the bag eh? I bet it's diamonds. I bet you robbed a jewellery store. You blew up the safe, yeah, that's it, and now you're on the run with a bag full of stolen diamonds. I'm going to be a private dick when I grow up.
Bagsy Malone: Keep talking Bub and growing up is the very last thing which you will do. Ok Titch, I want you to land this crate back on Mother Earth before I get to say hello again to my lunch.
T-Bag: Oh shut up!
Bagsy Malone: Hey!
T-Bag: Huuuurrgghhh. Do, do, do, as the nice man says Tow-Ling.
Bagsy Malone: No, wait.
T-Bag: No, wait.
Bagsy Malone: Hold it.
T-Bag: Hold it.
Bagsy Malone: The entire city will be crawling with cops out looking for yours very sincerely, somebody tell me quick where in this town is the very last place they'd think of looking.
Tow-Ling: The Police station.
T-Bag: Ohhhhhh, forgive my little chum, you're about as much use as a fence round a cemetery.
Bagsy Malone: No, wait a minute. Wait a minute. The cop shop. That's not bad kid. Ok, put us down on the roof of the Police station.
Tow-Ling: Yes Sir, firing retros.
Bagsy Malone: From there I will take my leave across the skylights.
Tow-Ling: Landing.
Bagsy Malone: Terrific.
T-Shirt: Welcome to the roof, we hope you had a good flight and will fly with us again real soon. Have a nice day.
Bagsy Malone: This is one lippy kid you have here Dollface, you have my sympathies. Adios suckers (he laughs and then leaves the flying saucer).
T-Bag: That mouth of yours is gonna get you into serious trouble one day so please don't stop talking. Right, right, right, right. Now that little irritating diversion's gone somebody get me my birthday surprise.

Added: 04/04/2024

The subtlest means

Lieutenant Kowalski: OK, freeze. all of yers.
T-Bag: Oh good evening Constable.
Lieutenant Kowalski: Lieutenant.
T-Bag: Oh it's so nice to meet you Lou. Now can you point us in the direction of where my birthday surprise.
Lieutenant Kowalski: Button it broad, you're under arrest.
T-Shirt: Under arrest?
T-Bag: What?
Tow-Ling: What for?
Lieutenant Kowalski: Don't you come the little innocence act with me buster, now be good little people and get your hands over your heads.
T-Bag: Oh not again.
Lieutenant Kowalski: Now I expect you all know what the charge is.
Tow-Ling: We have to pay?
Lieutenant Kowalski: Shut up. Aiding and abetting villainous mobster Bagsy Malone in his escape from Highstone jewellery store.
T-Bag: What?
T-Shirt: Hey, I was right, jewellery store raid, the Shirt is well chuffed.
Lieutenant Kowalski: Last seen driving Malone's getaway vehicle. We are looking here at fifteen years in the slammer, minimum… each.
T-Shirt: Uh, Lieutenant er, there seems to be an itsy bitsy misunderstanding here.
Lieutenant Kowalski: Sure has heck don't. I saw you, you did it, I caught ya. You are going to jail.
Tow-Ling: But we were taken hostage.
Lieutenant Kowalski: Tell it to the judge fella. Now walk, real slow.
T-Bag: Hmmmm.
T-Shirt: What do we do?
T-Bag: We extricate ourselves from the situation using the subtlest means we can, leave it to me.
(T-Bag uses her magic and she hits Lieutenant Kowalski over the head with a baseball bat).
Lieutenant Kowalski: Ow! Ooh!
(T-Bag laughs).
T-Shirt: You steaming great ninny, what did you do that for? That is assaulting a police officer. Another fifteen years in the slammer, minimum… each.
T-Bag: Oh shut up, you idiot. He can't arrest us now can he? Not while he's out cold.
(Lieutenant Kowalski begins to regain consciousness).
T-Shirt: Tell me Mrs Einstein now what do we do?
T-Bag: Now, oh now we run, ooooh.
(He catches Tow-Ling but T-Bag and T-Shirt have got away).
Lieutenant Kowalski: Oh no you don't. You pair, come back here, ya hear. Will you shut up, I'll get ya, so help me, if I have to turn this city on it's head and when I do... OK fella let's go, nah come on now, get you booked in here.
(Lieutenant Kowalski leads Tow-Ling inside the Police Station).

Added: 04/04/2015

I thought of that yonks ago

(T-Bag and T-Shirt are in separate bins hiding from Lieutenant Kowalski).
T-Bag: Euurrrrgggghhhhhhh! Ohhhhh-oohhhh. Oh, trust you, trust you to get the empty one.
T-Shirt: This is a disaster.
T-Bag: Oh my lovely headdress, my hair, reeks and stinks, eurhh, of fish, mackerel.
T-Shirt: I was talking about Tow-Ling.
T-Bag: Oh who cares?
T-Shirt: He's been thrown in jail.
T-Bag: Who cares about him? Oh, more to the point, how am I gonna get my birthday surprise? I can't even walk the streets to find it, hm.
T-Shirt: There's only one thing for it, we're going to have to find that Bagsy Malone, hand him over to the Police and clear our names.
T-Bag: Oh, well obviously, obviously, I thought of that yonks ago. Hmm, but he ran off didn't he? What did he do, leave us a calling card or something?
T-Shirt: In a manner of speaking.
T-Bag: What's that?
T-Shirt: Oh, it's nothing much, just a major clue. The Blue Cockatoo Club, 42 West Twenty second street. Just call me Columbo.

Added: 04/04/2016

I have a hunch

T-Bag: Are you sure this is the right place?
T-Shirt: Can't you trust me to do anything?
T-Bag: I'd rather trust Moby Dick to host the lovely legs contest.
T-Shirt: Says it right there, doesn't it, the Blue Cockatoo Club.
T-Bag: Oh, we won't find him in this dump.
T-Shirt: We will, I have a hunch.
T-Bag: That explains why your clothes don't fit.
T-Shirt: I vote that we split up, you look over there and I'll hang about here.
T-Bag: We won't find him in here.
T-Shirt: Don't argue with me woman, go on, and if you see him holler.
T-Bag: You look cute when you get stroppy.

Added: 04/04/2012

Blue Cockatoo

Bagsy Malone (on phone): Operator, get me Chicago 2, 3, 2, 3, double 2, 3.
T-Bag (in song): Hoo, hoo, hoo, hooooooooooo.
Bagsy Malone: Yeah?
T-Bag (in song): I wonder where my baby is tonight, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, toooo.
Bagsy Malone: What?
T-Bag: Oh say hi gorgeous. Is this the Purple Parakeet Club?
Bagsy Malone: Blue Cockatoo!
T-Bag: Oh I blame the draft from the window. You wanna watch that.
Bagsy Malone: Look doll, I'm up to my eyes here, what do you want?
T-Bag: Oh, say a little dickie bird told me that you're looking for female jazz musicians.
Bagsy Malone: Huh?
T-Bag: Oh do you hear that Nancy? We've come to the right place. Oh forgive my manners, manners. I'm Florence Lawrence, queen of the high and the low C's, and this is Nancy Clancy, trombonist, trombonist! Isn't that right Nancy?
(T-Shirt comes disguised as a woman carrying a trombone).
T-Shirt: Yeah, right Florence (mimics sound of trombone).
Bagsy Malone (on phone): Oh yeah, hi, Al, hold on half a sec would yous?
(addresses T-Bag and T-Shirt) Ok girls, you're hired. Well go ahead, don't just stand there like you never heard me, get to work.
T-Bag: Ohhhhhhhhh.
Bagsy Malone (on phone): Yeah, yeah, oh you too uh. Oh yeah, so you're going down river what? Sorry, (music plays) now where was we? E... (addresses T-Bag) Not in here. Out there. Sheesh!

Added: 04/04/2020

This is my birthday surprise

Lieutenant Kowalski: Bagsy.
Bagsy Malone: Urgh.
Lieutenant Kowalski: Bagsy Malone. You are not obliged to say anything...
Bagsy Malone: Yeh.
Lieutenant Kowalski: ... but if you do I'll be happy to, er, rip out your tongue and hang you with it.
Bagsy Malone: That seems fair.
Lieutenant Kowalski: Oh, plus, you get the reward from the jewellery store.
T-Bag: The reward. Oh thank you, thank you, oh I knew, I knew, I knew, this is my birthday surprise. Oh thank you, thank you lieutenant, constable, officer, thank you, thank you.
Lieutenant Kowalski: Thank you, this is from the jewellery store.
Tow-Ling: Another golden envelope!
T-Bag: What?

Added: 04/04/2018