Take Off With T. Bag Episode 6: Antony And Cleopatra

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Episode 1Many Happy Returns
Episode 2Thief Of Baghdad
Episode 3Bagsy Malone
Episode 4Curse Of The Mummy
Episode 5Doctor Strangebag
Episode 6Antony and Cleopatra
Episode 7Phantom Of The Opera
Episode 8Bin Bag
Episode 9The Red Shoes
Episode 10Shangri-La

UK Air Date20/10/1992, 4.15pm
Repeat ScreeningN/A
Copyright Year1992
VTR Dateunknown
Fremantle Archive Ref56887 (series ref)
Consecutive Episode Number90
IMDB LinkEpisode page

T. Bag (Tabatha Bag)Georgina Hale
T. ShirtJohn Hasler
Tow-Ling ShirtBea Julakasiun
LetitiaEvelyn Sweeney
AntoniusMurray Melvin
BrutusSebastian Abineri

Make UpChristine Morrell
CostumeJo Allman
CamerasAlbert Almond
SoundJohn Osborne
Stage ManagerBobby Webber
Lighting DirectorClive Gulliver
Production AssistantGill Thomas
Video Tape EditorTom Kavanagh
Production DesignerAlex Clarke
ProducerCharles Warren
DirectorNeville Green
Written ByLee Pressman
Grant Cathro

The next set of co-ordinates take them to Ancient Rome where Tow-Ling is caught by Brutus who sells him as a slave to the senator Antonius. When T-Bag and T-Shirt try to find him, a girl called Letitia tells them where he is but soon after she gets caught by Brutus and sold to Antonius as a slave. T-Bag pretends to be Cleopatra to get Tow-Ling back.
The High-T Website synopsis





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If you would like to contribute your favourite/funniest etc quotes from this episode please contact me.

In charge of this expedition

T-Shirt: I vote we split up.
T-Bag: Excuse me, excuse me, I'm in charge of this expedition, it's my birthday surprise we're looking for so I'll decide what we do. Ok? Ok? Right, I vote we split up and meet back here in five minutes, go. Ah!

Added: 04/04/2015

Marcus and Spartacus

Antony: Look what you made me do, my Marcus and Spartacus buttermilk cake... soaked.
Brutus: Never mind gov, it's a sponge in'it.
Antony: Oh an amateur comedian.

Hasn't she got a hankie?

T-Shirt: Tow-Ling.
T-Bag: Where are you, shorthouse, hobble-de-hi.
T-Shirt: Cous', where are you?
T-Bag: Tow-Ling.
Letitia: Excuse me, are you looking for someone?
T-Bag: No dear, we're from rent-a-yell.
T-Shirt: Cheap prices, 50p a shout.
T-Bag: Shut-up.
Letitia: No need to be sarcastic, I was only trying to help.
T-Bag: And you are?
Letitia: Letitia.
T-Bag: Bless you.
T-Shirt: Have you seen a boy, 'bout nine, orange shirt, khaki cap.
Letitia: Yes I have, he's been sold into slavery.
T-Bag: What's that?
T-Shirt: Well, slavery it's when someone forces you...
T-Bag: I know what that is, idiot.
Letitia: He’s been bought by a rich and powerful senator, lives over there.
T-Bag: Leave this to me I'll sort this out.
Letitia: Careful, you daren't just walk in there and ask for him back, you could be thrown to the lions.
T-Bag: Oh thank you, thank you for the warning. T-Shirt walk in there and ask for him back.
Letitia: I have an idea.
T-Bag: Mind your own beeswax, whatever you name is.
Letitia: Letitia.
T-Bag: Hasn't she got a hankie?
Letitia: You dress up, pretend to be I don't know, Queen Cleopatra of Egypt or something, make him fall in love with you and he'd do anything you ask, like giving back your friend.
T-Bag: Are you deaf or just thick? Now just get out of here and keep that out of my business. Right?
Letitia: Right.
T-Bag: I've just had a brainwave, quick back to the ship I'll explain on the way.
T-Shirt: Let me guess. Does it involve eye shadow and a dark wig, I wonder.
T-Bag: Watch the lip.

Delivery for Senator Antonius Frivolous

T-Shirt: Delivery for Senator Antonius Frivolous.
Antony: I never ordered any carpet.
(T-Shirt unravels the rug uncovering T-Bag dressed as Cleopatra).
T-Bag: Hello darling.
Antony: Flaming Nora.
T-Bag: No darling. Red hot Cleopatra, Queen of the Nile. You are even more yummy in the flesh.
Antony: Madam, kindly explain.
T-Bag: Oh Anthony, Anthony darling. I had a dream I saw your lovely face and I fell in love head over heels. I have travelled for years to find you and now I see you here before me I know that dreams, dreams really do come true.
Antony: Oh, what a funny woman.
(T-Shirt acknowledges this with a gentle nod)
T-Bag: Oh Anthony darling, do you find me attractive? Say you do.
Antony: Well I must admit you do have a most pretty little head, hasn't she got a pretty little head?
T-Shirt: As heads go, it's pretty little.
T-Bag: Oh say you'll be mine, say you'll be mine.
Antony: Alright I'll be yours.
T-Bag: You're not just saying that.
Antony: No, no, absolutely not. What a kooky old day this has been, but I must admit it's growing on me, hmmm. Come, come sprawl yourself beside me you, you destroyer of men's hearts.
T-Bag: Oh, that's the spirit. Anthony darling, you have something I want.
Antony: You are awful, but I like you. Mmm.

Added: 08/11/2010

I've made up my mind

Brutus: Oh Senator, about that dosh. I was just thinking, if you could chisel me out a cheque.
Antony: Yes, I'm glad you've dropped by, you, you big beast.
Brutus: Eh?
Antony: Well I've been thinking. I thought we Roman were supposed to be civilised.
Brutus: Hmm, yeah.
Antony: Yes, well there's nothing civilised about slavery, is there? Hmm, it's, it's er inhuman, that's what it is. Ought to be stamped out.
Brutus: What?
Antony: Yes, as a matter of fact, I've decided to bring the subject up at tomorrow's meeting of the senate. I want the whole ghastly idea banned.
Brutus: Banned?
Antony: Banned, yes.
Brutus: But I'll be out of a job, I'll have to work for a living.
Antony: The matter is closed, I've made up my mind.
Brutus: But. Stop. Right, then I'll just have to make you unmake it, won't I?

Added: 04/04/2021

I've changed my mind

T-Bag: Oh Anthony darling.
Anthony: Yes, almond angel.
T-Bag: Do you like me?
Anthony: Oh, Lots.
T-Bag: Then prove it, give me a little something.
Anthony: Oh, I most certainly will.
T-Bag: Wonderful.
Anthony: Do you like cod-fish balls?
T-Bag: I wouldn't know, I’ve never been to one.
T-Shirt: My Queen means not food gentle senator, she means...
T-Bag: Shut up, shut up, leave this to me. Oh Anthony darling, give me one of your slaves.
Anthony: But honeybucket, how can I give you what isn't mine to give. I've realised I hate slavery.
T-Bag: You mean...
Anthony: Yes, I grant my slaves their freedom.
T-Bag: Now he's talking.
T-Shirt: Tow-Ling.
T-Bag: Tow-Ling.
Tow-Ling: T-Shirt, your majesty.
T-Bag: At last.
T-Shirt: This nice man says you're free to go.
Tow-Ling: Really?
Anthony: Yes it's true, all true.
Anthony: (Anthony eats a grape) Have a grape. What am I saying, no it isn't, I love slavery, love it to death. He's my slave and you can't have him. So (blows raspberry), raspberry to you.
T-Bag: What?!?!? But you said...
Anthony: Yes, but I've changed my mind.
T-Bag: Too bad, the new one doesn't fit you any better than the old one. Now listen here buster, I want this boy (T-Bag eats a grape). No I don't, you can have him, I want her.
Letitia: What!
Tow-Ling: What!
T-Shirt: Letitia?
Anthony: Bless you.
T-Shirt: Wait, just a minute, we came here to get Tow-Ling.
Anthony: Now calm down sonny, have a grape.
T-Shirt: Cheers, we came to get Tow-Ling and we're not leaving without... without... (T-Shirt eats a grape). Without... that lovely vase. Can we have this vase, please?
Anthony: No you most certainly can not, my mother gave me that. (Anthony eats a grape) Mmm, on the other hand, it is a bit naff, yes take it, it's yours.
T-Bag: I don't want that vase, you stupid idiot (T-Bag eats a grape). Mind you, it would look smashing on the telly with a few tulips in it.
Anthony: (Anthony eats a grape) Well stodgy stilton to you, you can't have it. It's hers (passes the vase to Letitia).
Letitia: I don't want it.
T-Shirt: Why not? It's a fabulous vase (T-Shirt eats a grape). No it isn't, it's a piece of trash.
T-Bag: (T-Bag eats a grape). Oh, will everyone shut up about vases, I don't care about vases. We don't give a flaming fig-farthing about flaming vases. We want that boy.
Tow-Ling: Now we're getting somewhere.
T-Bag: (T-Bag eats a grape) What other vases have you got then?

Added: 08/11/2010

"No Clues Is Good News"
No mention of where the golden envelope is mentioned during the episode, so how did they get to the next destination?

For more mistakes from other episodes, please see the Nitpicker's Guide

  • The character of Letitia is played by Evelyn Sweeney who played T-Bag's antagonist, Penny Hunt, in the previous series, T. Bag and The Sunstones of Montezuma.
  • This is the only episode of this series where there are no scenes inside T-Bag's flying saucer.
  • Antonius has been shopping at 'Marcus and Sparticus', a play-on-words of the department store 'Marks and Spencers'.
  • Anthony's line 'You are awful, but I like you' is a famous phrase said by the late comedian Dick Emery.
  • Murray Melvin appears on the reunion DVD documentary filmed by Fantom Films in early 2007.
  • Sebastian Abineri appeared in Mike & Angelo which was also written by Lee Pressman and Grant Cathro. Sebastian Abineri appeared in the episode 'The Fugitive' (#8.7, 15/02/1996) as Henry Hanks.
  • Murray Melvin appeared in Cone Zone which was also written by Lee Pressman and Grant Cathro. Murray Melvin appeared in an unknown episode as a judge at an Elvis lookalike contest.

  • Murray Melvin, who plays Antonius, appears in two episodes throughout the nine series of T-Bag. This is his second of his two appearances.
    (T. Bag and The Sunstones of Montezuma, Episode 7: One Million Years B.C.)
  • Sebastian Abineri, who plays Brutus, appears in two episodes throughout the nine series of T-Bag. This is his second of his two appearances.
    (T. Bag's Christmas Turkey)
  • There are other episodes that feature two names in the episode title.
    (T-Bag Strikes Again, Episode 3: Ben And Bunty Badshot)
    (T. Bag and The Pearls of Wisdom, Episode 4: Grimble and Squiffy)
    (T. Bag and The Sunstones of Montezuma, Episode 2: Gussie and Twittering)
    (T. Bag and The Sunstones of Montezuma, Episode 8: Napoleon and Josephine)
  • When being delivered to Anthony, T-Bag is rolled up in a carpet much like T-Shirt is during an episode of T-Bag Bounces Back.
    (T-Bag Bounces Back, Episode 9: Nikdit The Thief)
  • During this episode Tabatha Bag uses one of her ‘stock’ phrases of ‘I'll explain on the way’, T-Bag and T-Shirt then disappear and reappear with T-Shirt knowing T-Bag's plan.
    (T. Bag and The Rings of Olympus, Episode 1: The Rings Of Olympus)
    (T. Bag and The Rings of Olympus, Episode 3: The Yukon)
    (T. Bag and The Sunstones of Montezuma, Episode 3: Wilma Tell)
    (T. Bag and The Sunstones of Montezuma, Episode 6: Ra Ra Rasputin)