Take Off With T. Bag Episode 5: Doctor Strangebag

T-Bag, T-Shirt and Tow-Ling land on a Caribbean island. T-Shirt and Tow-Ling go in search of T-Bag’s birthday surprise and they meet Bermuda Shultz, a secret agent. Meanwhile T-Bag stumbles across a hidden cave where she meets Doctor Strange-Bag who is intent on taking over the world.
The High-T Website synopsis

Any fancy ideas

T-Shirt: Oh yes, oh yes, this is the business, I can live with this, very nice.
T-Bag: Oh Shirt-face, don’t start getting any fancy ideas, we’re not on some eighteen to thirty binge to Torremolinos you know, we’re here to help me find my present.
T-Shirt: Ok, ok, relax, let the frown step-down, we’ll find it.

Added: 08/11/2010

Does Mickey Mouse have big ears?

Tow-Ling: Well she's not here, now what?
T-Shirt: I don't know. Let me think. The main thing is we mustn't start panicking.
(Hears a loud roar).
T-Shirt: Ok, now you can start panicking. Run!
(They run into each other and fall over, Bermuda walks towards them).
Bermuda: It's alright, it's alright, we're not going to hurt cha. What are you doing here anyway?
T-Shirt: Trying to escape, preferably with our heads still attached. What are you doing here?
Bermuda: I came to the Island to collect shells. I can get ten dollars for a beauty like this over on the mainland.
T-Shirt: Yeah, well don't waste your money buying a hat because you're not going to need one if you intend staying here in Skull City.
Bermuda: You t'ink it's dangerous?
T-Shirt: Does Mickey Mouse have big ears? As soon as we've found T-Bag, huh, that's our friend, we're outta here faster than a duck with an outboard motor.
Bermuda: Well, if you're sure it's not safe I better get my boat and make a move. Thanks for the warning guys. Bye.
T-Shirt: Bye.
(Bermuda leaves).
Tow-Ling: Bye. Perhaps her Majesty's waiting for us at the Saucer.
T-Shirt: Let's hope so, the sooner we're off this island and on our way the better. Come on.

Added: 04/04/2020

So, what's up Doc?

Doctor Strange-Bag: Well, well, well, it's not everyday I have the pleasure of playing host to a gorgeous creature like you my dear.
T-Bag: Oh cut the flannel string bag or whatever your name is. What is going on in here and what is all this junk?
Doctor Strange-Bag: My, my, my, what a little firebrand.
T-Bag: Now listen string beans, you just tell me what all this palaver's about or you're gonna end up with more bumps on your face than a Dalek's overcoat.
Doctor Strange-Bag: (Laughs) I love it, I love it, my dear you're a treasure. What a great pity it will be when I have to kill you.
T-Bag: (Laughs) Now listen Daddio, you just tell me what all this palaver’s about and tell me quick, I haven't got all day.
Doctor Strange-Bag: Oh why not? You amuse me. So before you meet your maker let me explain to you exactly how I mean to take over the world.
T-Bag: Ohhhhhh! Now you're talking, just my cup of tea. So, what's up Doc?
Doctor Strange-Bag: Come and see, let me give you a little guided tour of my undersea city, I think you'll find it most entertaining.
T-Bag: Now you're talking McDuffy, oh just the sort of (inhales) birthday surprise I could go for.

Added: 04/04/2021

MI5

Bermuda: What do you know about MI5?
T-Shirt: That's where Granny got her wardrobes.
Bermuda: Not MFI!

L.A.

Bermuda: We had a tip-off that Strangebag was up to something big, and I was given the job of trailing him. He's a bit of jet-setter you know and I spent the first three weeks of the investigation hanging out in L.A.
T-Shirt: Los Angeles?
Bermuda: Luton Airport, lost all of my luggage but eventually I tracked him down to this island and I can't leave 'til I find out what he's up to.

My pièce de résistance

Tow-Ling: Wow-wee.
(Tow-Ling hides as T-Bag and Doctor Strange-Bag walk in, both laughing).
Doctor Strange-Bag: So you see my dear down here in my sub-oceanic hidey-hole I have everything I require to sustain life.
T-Bag: (laughs) Oh yes, fascinating but this little something of taking over the world lark.
Doctor Strange-Bag: Ah, my pièce de résistance. Step this way my dear, step this way. My Rainmaker, one missile. When this rocket explodes above the Earth it will trigger off a storm the like of which the human race has never seen, four hundred days and four hundred nights rain will pour down in torrents causing floods that will wipe out the entire population of the planet as if they were ants and I, the celestial gardener with my giant watering can (he laughs maniacally).
(T-Bag laughs).
Doctor Strange-Bag: We'll show them won't we Oddbod.
T-Bag: About this taking over the world lark ohhh, you and me together, ooohhh, we'd make a great team Sponge-Bag (laughs) ourghh.
Doctor Strange-Bag: What! I shall rule alone, me, myself, moi.
T-Bag: Whaaaaaaatttt! Oh, hurgh, oh.
Doctor Strange-Bag: You are beginning to bore me and I detest being bored. Did you know my dear that ninety eight percent of the human body is made up of water? My dehydration gun is able to extract that water leaving the other two percent sweet tickety-boo.
T-Bag: Oh wonderful, wonderful but about this taking over the world lark.
Doctor Strange-Bag: A short demonstration.
T-Bag: Oh the two of us together we could… ourghhhhhh.
(T-Bag is dehydrated and, as dust, she falls to the floor).
Doctor Strange-Bag: And now to business. Yes Oddbod, it seems so long since breakfast, hu-huh, time for an early launch. Oh hu-huh, early launch (laughs). Computer engaged, countdown commencing, nothing can stop me now, nothing, nothing (laughs), nothing (laughs).

Added: 04/04/2021

The best seats in the house

Tow-Ling: T-Shirt.
T-Shirt: Tow-Ling, are you alright? Where's T-Bag?
Tow-Ling: You're standing on her.
T-Shirt: Uh?
Tow-Ling: I'll explain later, get out the way.
(Tow-Ling uses the dehydration gun and zaps T-Bag back to life but she looks dishevelled).
T-Shirt: T-Bag.
Bermuda: Where's Strangebag?
Tow-Ling: The missile, we have to stop it, he's trying to take over the world, he's mad.
Doctor Strange-Bag: Mad am I? Drop the guns, put up your hands.
T-Bag: Oh now listen here Mr Stringbag, Strangebag, there's one incy wincy tiny detail you haven't taken into account, right guys.
T-Shirt & Tow-Ling: Right.
T-Bag: Ha, ha, ha! How do you like this?
(T-Bag tries to use her magic but it doesn't work).
Doctor Strange-Bag: Do you think flamenco dancing is going to save you? Into the missile room, the lot of you. In two minutes when Rainmaker one blasts off into space, you my dear and your friends are going to have the best seats in the house.

Added: 04/04/2015

There's more than one way to pickle a walnut

T-Bag: How was I to know that blasted dehydration gun was gonna dry me out? Ohhhh, oh what I need is a lovely cup of tea, I'd soon show that demented old spongebag.
Tow-Ling: T-Shirt what about your magic? You can get us out of here.
Bermuda: I don't know what any of you are talking about but in one minute we are going to end up like four very well done shish kebabs so if any of you can do anything to get us out of here just do it!
T-Shirt: I'm sure James Bond wouldn't carry on like that. As it happens I have everything under control. On my wrist, one very powerful magnet. On the table, one very sharp knife. I push the button and voila (A plate flies through the air towards T-Shirt). I have a plate.
T-Bag: We're gonna die, we're gonna diiiiiiiiiiiie!
T-Shirt: Hang about (The knife flies through the air and T-Shirt catches it).
Tow-Ling: Yeah.
Bermuda: Brilliant.
T-Bag: Oh we're gonna live, we're gonna live.
(They all escape from the rocket and run into the main room).
Tow-Ling: Quick, quick, we've got to stop the missile.
Doctor Strange-Bag: And I have to stop you, again. So you didn't fancy a one-way trip to the stars? Oh well, there's more than one way to pickle a walnut.
(Doctor Strange-Bag fires his dehydration gun but Tow-Ling holds up the silver plate which rebounds the beam and Doctor Strange-Bag gets dehydrated).
T-Shirt: Nice one Tow-Ling.
Bermuda: Oough (Bermuda pulls the lever and the countdown stops). Ooohhhh.
T-Shirt: Uh.
Tow-Ling: You did it, you did it.
T-Bag: Oh yes, well very nice and top hole and hunky dory but what about my birthday surprise?
T-Shirt: Here you go Madge (Gestures towards Oddbod the goldfish).
T-Bag: Oh.
T-Shirt: Many happy returns of the day.
T-Bag: Hmmmmmmmm.

Added: 04/04/2024