Take Off With T. Bag Episode 9: The Red Shoes

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Episode 1Many Happy Returns
Episode 2Thief Of Baghdad
Episode 3Bagsy Malone
Episode 4Curse Of The Mummy
Episode 5Doctor Strangebag
Episode 6Antony and Cleopatra
Episode 7Phantom Of The Opera
Episode 8Bin Bag
Episode 9The Red Shoes
Episode 10Shangri-La

UK Air Date10/11/1992, 4.15pm
Repeat ScreeningN/A
Copyright Year1992
VTR Dateunknown
Fremantle Archive Ref56887 (series ref)
Consecutive Episode Number93
IMDB LinkEpisode page

T. Bag (Tabatha Bag)Georgina Hale
T. ShirtJohn Hasler
Tow-Ling ShirtBea Julakasiun
Hedda Hoofer BagGemma Craven
Darren KatzVictor Spinetti
NancyJo Warne

Make UpChristine Morrell
CostumeJo Allman
CamerasAlbert Almond
SoundJohn Osborne
Stage ManagerBobby Webber
Lighting DirectorPeter Bower
Production AssistantGill Thomas
Video Tape EditorTom Kavanagh
Production DesignerIan Russell
ProducerCharles Warren
DirectorNeville Green
Written ByLee Pressman
Grant Cathro

T-Bag, T-Shirt and Tow-Ling arrive in Hollywood where a toothpaste commercial is being filmed with a boy who gets fired. When Tow-Ling goes out for a walk Tow-Ling gets the part in the commercial. Tow-Ling is offered a part in a TV spectacular by the director. When T-Bag finds out she wants a part in the spectacular but she has competition from Hedda Hoofer Bag.
The High-T Website synopsis

Shaving

Shirley Shirt

Hedda

T. Bag's Oscar

For more images see the Image Galleries

If you would like to contribute your favourite/funniest etc quotes from this episode please contact me.

Hollywood

T-Bag: Now where are we?
Tow-Ling: See for yourself.
T-Bag (reading the start of the sign): Uh-ho, Ho, Ho.
T-Shirt: Read all about it, T-Bag laughs, official.
T-Bag: Oh save ya money on a haircut, Shirty - cut ya head off! Where in heavens name is Uh, ho, ho.
Tow-Ling: Can't you guess?
T-Bag: No I can't you exasperating idiot. Where are we?
Tow-Ling: Hollywood.

Added: 02/07/2012

Rocky

T-Bag: This is my kinda town, I'll be back, I'll be back as soon as I make myself more glamorous than I normally am.
T-Shirt: Oh, great, (T-Shirt makes a TV appear with his magic) that gives us time to watch Rocky one, two, three, four, five, six and seven.
Tow-Ling: They haven't made Rocky seven.
T-Shirt: They will have by the time it takes her to look glamorous.
Tow-Ling: I fancy a stroll.
T-Shirt: Oh, don't get lost.
Tow-Ling: I won't.
T-Shirt: Tow-Ling, if you see Madonna, get me her autograph... (Tow-Ling chuckles) and her phone number.

Added: 08/12/2013

I'm not jealous

T-Bag: Right, I'm ready, face my public.
T-Shirt: Yeah, but is the public ready? What do you look like?
T-Bag: Oh Shirty, come on, let's go and find my Birthday surprise and maybe land me a lead or two in a movie.
T-Shirt: You're out of luck, Steven Spielberg swore he'd never make a sequel to E.T.
T-Bag: Oh shut it Shirty.
T-Shirt: You're living in a fantasy world woman, people don't just walk in off the street and end up on the silver screen you know, it just doesn't happen.
Darren Katz (from the TV): ...and let's see you smile.
Tow-Ling (from the TV, in song): Sunnydent spells confidence, so smile, smile, smile. In a little while you'll smile a smile as wide as a mile like me.
Darren Katz (from the TV): New Sunnydent toothpaste, in four fabulous flavours: chocolate, toffee, sherbet, fudge, let in the sun with Sunnydent.
T-Shirt: Eh?
T-Bag: What! How did that sickly little beansprout get his zig-zog on the tele?
T-Shirt: Wasn't he fab, what a star.
T-Bag: There's only one star in this cup and saucer buster and that's me.
T-Shirt: Jealous, eh?
T-Bag: I'm not jealous.
T-Shirt: Greener than a car-sick snooker table.
T-Bag: I am not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not jealous.
T-Shirt: Next thing you'll know he'll be starring in the movies.
T-Bag: Ohhh, that ugly sickly chipolata, cocktail-stick, beef burger, sausage burger. I'm gonna be a star, I'm gonna be a star.
(T-Bag disappears)
T-Shirt: Hardly jealous at all eh, T-Bag.
(T-Bag reappears)
T-Bag: Come on.

Added: 02/07/2012

He's casting his new TV spectacular

T-Bag: Can you believe that bozo, well if he likes him wait 'til he sees me.
T-Shirt: Let's just find your birthday surprise, hey, and get gone.
T-Bag: Oh you, you're dimmer than a cardboard light bulb, that's you, didn't you hear the man, he's casting his new TV spectacular.
T-Shirt: And you want to play the female lead, right?
T-Bag: Mais oui, naturellement.
T-Shirt: Ok, ok, I'll see if I can organise an audition.
T-Bag: You, you couldn't organise a knees-up.
T-Shirt: Wait here!
(T-Shirt walks over to Nancy in the studio).
T-Shirt: Hi.
Nancy: Hi.
T-Shirt: I'm Tom Boy Shirt, Tow-Ling's cousin.
Nancy: Oh right, oh he sure is loaded with talent.
T-Shirt: Kinda runs in the family ma'am, that's why I'm here, I gather you're looking for stars for your latest TV spectacular.
Nancy: Sure, Mr Katz is auditioning dancers at two o'clock, you know someone?
T-Shirt: You bet, my Mum, Shirley Shirt.
Nancy: Oh well, Mr Katz is big on Shirts right now, I'm sure he'd see her.
T-Shirt: Two o'clock?
Nancy: Be there.
T-Shirt: Cheers, you go easy now, having a nice day, hey, missing you already.
(T-Shirt walks back to speak to T-Bag).
T-Shirt: All done, no flies on me, eh?
T-Bag: There will be when I kill you, what was all that tosh about and who in fig-nation is Shirley Shirt?
T-Shirt: In showbiz Tabatha darling it's not what you know, it's who you know. What they call nepotism.
T-Bag: Under no circumstances will I ever, ever, call myself Shirley Shirt. Never.
T-Shirt: You want to get on TV don't you?

Added: 02/07/2012

Tabatha's Audition

T-Bag (in song): Iím just a Broadway Lady, Shuffling off her tired feet, pounding 42nd street, to be in a show.
Gee, gee, Mr Pro-du-cer, gimme, gimme, gimme the lead, I love the sound of the crowd.
And I can sing any old thing but I prefer to sing it LAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWDDDDD!

Do you hear that

T-Bag: Do you hear that, do you hear that, I slew 'em dead didn't I?
T-Shirt: Him and the song.

Added: 02/07/2012

A new commandment

Darren Katz: For crying out loud Nancy, where are the other applicants?
Nancy: I don't know Mr Katz, there were twelve of them but they all just... vanished.
Darren Katz: What am I going to do. If Moses had heard singing like that he'd have written a new commandment.
Nancy: What?
Darren Katz: Thou shalt not sing.
Nancy: But I could play the part Mr Katz, I can sing and dance.

Added: 02/07/2012

The Two O' Clock Auditions

Hedda Hoofer Bag: Pardon me, Iím looking for Darren Katzís office.
Darren Katz: Well Iím Darren Katz.
Hedda Hoofer Bag: Oh thank heavens, Iím Hedda Hoofer Bag for the two oí clock auditions.
Darren Katz: Oh bliss, oh rapture.
T-Bag (to T-Shirt): I thought you got rid of them all?
Hedda Hoofer Bag: Iím sorry Iím late everybody, I came straight from the beauty parlour.
T-Bag: Too bad they were shut.
Hedda Hoofer Bag: I beg your pardon.
T-Bag: Havenít I seen your face somewhere before, like in a nightmare perhaps?
Hedda Hoofer Bag: Who is this lady?
Darren Katz: Never mind her Hedda, weíre dying to see your audition.
Hedda Hoofer Bag: Oh thank you Mr Katz. This is a number made famous by me last year on Broadway.
T-Bag: Cricklewood Broadway.

Never been so insulted

T-Bag: What a load of rubbish. You couldn't carry a tune if there was handles on it and youíve got calves that only a cow would love.
Hedda Hoofer Bag: Iíve never been so insulted in my whole life.
T-Bag: Yes, well dear youíre still young.
Hedda Hoofer Bag: Thank you.

Two-Faced

T-Bag: Are you out of your mind, you two-faced swine?
Darren Katz: I may be many things, lady, but two-faced I ain't.
T-Bag: True. If you had two, you wouldn't choose to wear that one!
T-Shirt: You're not helping yourself, T.B.
Darren Katz: If you'll excuse me, I have rehearsals to attend to. Goodbye!
T-Bag: You may think you're big cheese, Buster, but you only smell like it!
T-Shirt: Hey, hey forget it.
T-Bag: Are you out of your mind, forget it, nobody gets one over on Shirley Shirt. Ourgghh, what am I talking about, what am I talking about, Tabatha Bag, Tabatha Bag, Tabatha Bag. Just you wait.

Added: 08/11/2010

Margot Fonteyn the ballet dancer

T-Bag: Oh, Miss Hoover-Bag.
Hedda Hoofer-Bag: That's Hoofer-Bag, you've got some nerve lady.
T-Bag: Oh just to show you there's no hard feelings, I want to present you with these beautiful dancing shoes.
Hedda Hoofer-Bag: Yeah?
T-Bag: Yeah, as worn by the great Margot Fonteyn.
Hedda Hoofer-Bag: Margot Fonteyn the ballet dancer?
T-Bag: No. Margot Fonteyn the slug in tails from the compost heap! Oh, of course, of course, Margot Fonteyn the ballet dancer, here.
Hedda Hoofer-Bag: Why I'm touched.

Added: 04/04/2014

My Oscar

T-Bag: Urrrrhhhh, urrrhhhhhhh.
T-Shirt: Cheer up, you got paid didn't you?
T-Bag: Yes, forty thousand packets o' carrots and peas and another blasted golden envelope! Ooooooooh, ooooooooh..
T-Shirt: Never mind, look what I got you.
(T-Shirt shows T-Bag an Oscar).
T-Bag: Ooh, my Oscar (T-Shirt drops it on T-Bag's foot), arrrrgggghhhhhhhhh!

Added: 04/04/2015

"Rocky Grounds"
When T-Bag, T-Shirt and Tow-ling arrive in Hollywood, T-Bag goes off to make herself 'look even more glamorous than I normally am'. Then T-Shirt turns on the TV and says he has time to watch the films Rocky I, II, III, IV, V, VI and VII. Tow-Ling corrects T-Shirt saying they haven't made a Rocky VII, but he neglected to say they haven't made Rocky VI (although a sixth film titled Rocky Balboa was released in 2006). The last Rocky film to be made by 1992 was Rocky V in 1990. T-Shirt said they would have made Rocky VII before T-Bag makes herself glamorous. T-Bag must still be making herself more glamorous now!

For more mistakes from other episodes, please see the Nitpicker's Guide

  • Bea Julakasiun, plays the part of the naughty boy who eats the Peanut Brittle, but is not credited for this minor role in the episode credits.
  • When T-Shirt gives T-Bag an Oscar at the end of the episode, you can just see T-Bag and Tow-Ling in their vegetable costumes on the TV set!
  • The surname of the character 'Hedda Hoofer Bag' is taken from the name of the bag used to carry golfclubs (Hoofer Bag).
  • The title of this episode is taken from the 1948 film 'The Red Shoes'.
  • Georgina Hale appeared in the 1981 theatre production of 'Steaming' in London's Comedy Theatre alongside Jo Warne who appears in this episode as Nancy.
  • Victor Spinetti, who played Darren Katz, sadly passed away on 18th June 2012, aged 82.
  • The comic that the Kid is reading is issue 2 of The Phantom which was publised by Wolf Publishing in 1992 which is the story "The Boy from the Sea".

  • Jo Warne, who plays Nancy, appears in four episodes throughout the nine series of T-Bag, making her the most prolific guest actor alongside James Saxon and Matt Zimmerman. This is her last of her four appearances.
    (T-Bag Bounces Back, Episode 8: Max The Miller)
    (T. Bag and The Pearls of Wisdom, Episode 3: Elementary, My Dear What-Not)
    (T. Bag and The Rings of Olympus, Episode 7: Rats)
  • This episode features the making of a TV commercial, this also happened in Turn on to T-Bag.
    (Turn on to T-Bag, Episode 4: Bubble Boy)
  • This episode features a mention of a place in the UK which happens in several other episodes, this episode features T-Bag mentioning the Kennington Oval.
    (T. Bag and The Sunstones of Montezuma, Episode 1: In The Footsteps Of Kit Bag)
    (T. Bag and The Sunstones of Montezuma, Episode 7: One Million Years B.C.)
    (Take off with T. Bag, Episode 1: Many Happy Returns)
    (Take off with T. Bag, Episode 2: Thief Of Baghdad)
    (Take off with T. Bag, Episode 10: Shangri-La)
  • Gemma Craven and Victor Spinetti are credited as a 'Guest Appearance' in the opening credits. This happens twice in this series, previously occuring in episode five.
    (Take off with T. Bag, Episode 5: Doctor Strangebag)
  • T-Bag wears her pink and white striped pyjamas during this episode, this is seen in other episodes.
    (T. Bag's Christmas Turkey)
    (T. Bag and The Sunstones of Montezuma, Episode 4: Gone Fishing)
    (Take off with T. Bag, Episode 1: Many Happy Returns)
    (Take off with T. Bag, Episode 4: Curse Of The Mummy)
  • Darren Katz speaks to Nancy on the phone when trying to find the kid for his commercial, Nancy is also spoken to on the phone in other episodes.
    (T. Bag and The Revenge of the T. Set, Episode 6: Rock Star Baby)
    (T. Bag and The Rings of Olympus, Episode 6: Exit With A Puff)