Take Off With T. Bag Episode 7: Phantom Of The Opera

T-Bag arrives at a Vienna opera where many accidents have occurred so the place is said to be haunted by a phantom. When the soprano is kidnapped by the Phantom of the Opera T-Bag takes her place. The Phantom hears her singing so he tries to stop her singing in the opera by setting a trap. Can T-Shirt and Tow-Ling rescue Olwyn De Bag the soprano and will T-Bag find her birthday surprise?
The High-T Website synopsis

Smashing!

(T-Bag is singing off screen)
Tow-Ling Shirt: How long is this going on? I can't stand much more.
T-Shirt: Think yourself lucky she only has a bath once a month.
(T-Bag walks in still singing)
T-Bag: Oh I do hope you weren't referring to my singing.
T-Shirt: Oh, singing, that's what it was, I thought a lovesick moose was running amock in a bagpipe testing factory.
T-Bag: Oh Shirty, when they made you they threw away the mould but the mould kept growing and growing over that rotten thing you call a brain.
T-Shirt: Sorry did you say something?
T-Bag: Tow-Ling, make me a cup of tea and I don't mean tomorrow! Oh I'm gasping, by the way you didn't tell me what you thought of my singing.
Tow-Ling Shirt: Smashing!

Added: 04/04/2012

Hardly befitting for a member of the Royal T-Set

T-Bag: This is hardly befitting for a member of the Royal T-Set.
T-Shirt: Oh sorry, it's the only cup in the place you didn't manage to break.
Tow-Ling: Coming into land your Majesty. Looks like Vienna.
T-Bag: Oh Vienna, very cultured (slurps tea), very sophisticated (slurps tea), very me (slurps tea).

Added: 04/04/2017

Sing for me

Olwyn de Bag: La, la, la, la, la, la, la. La, la, la, la, la, la, la. (The Phantom walks through the mirror into the star dressing room) L'urh. Oh! Oh!
Phantom: Carry on my dear, I was so enjoying your little performance.
Olwyn de Bag: Who? What?
Phantom: Don't be afraid.
Olwyn de Bag: I...
Phantom: I will not harm you, I only desire you to sing for me.
Olwyn de Bag: Leave me alone.
Phantom: Sing for me.
Olwyn de Bag: Go away.
Phantom: Sing for me.
Olwyn de Bag: Please.
Phantom: Sing for me.
Olwyn de Bag (In song): L'amour, l'amour, l'amour, l'amour. L'amour est t'enfant de bohème.

Added: 04/04/2015

My last performance in the Flugelfurt opera house

T-Bag: Oh there's nothing like treading the old boards again, takes me back to my days in the RAC.
Tow-Ling Shirt: Doesn't she mean RSC?
T-Shirt: No she was covered for breakdowns, relays and home-starts.
T-Bag: They're still talking about my last performance in the Flugelfurt opera house.
T-Shirt: That's true, during the interval she had half a pint of largo, came on in the second half completely pizzicato.
T-Bag: Get off this stage, you uncultured twerp. You wouldn't know your arias from your elbows. Go find me my birthday surprise and I don't mean tomorrow.
T-Shirt: Come on...

Added: 04/04/2012

Limbering up the old larynx

Fritz Schnitzel: Ah, ruined, catastrophe, calamity.
T-Bag: Oooooh, ooooooooh, ooooooh, oooooooh,ooooooh, ooooooh.
Fritz Schnitzel: Can I help you Madam?
T-Bag: No, no, no, I'm just limbering up the old larynx. Ohh, ohh, ohh, ohhh.
Fritz Schnitzel: You are a singer?
T-Bag: Maestro, I live to sing and I sing to live, ahhh-ooooooh.
Fritz Schnitzel: And you sing opera?
T-Bag: Oh, maestro, did Beethoven use an ear-trumpet? Oooooh, ooooooooooh.
Fritz Schnitzel: Danke schön. Danke schön. Wunderbar. Somebody up there likes me. My dear, tonight you will take over the lead part and play the part of Carmen.
T-Bag: Ohhh!
Fritz Schnitzel: Come, the star dressing room awaits. May I?
T-Bag: Ohhh, you may.
Fritz Schnitzel: I have laid on six bottles of sparkling champagne and three dozen of the finest oysters. Come, this way my dear.

Added: 04/04/2022

Caterwauling Cacophony

(T-Bag's singing can be heard the background).
Phantom: Bravo, bravo. Listen, what's that?
Olwyn de Bag: I don't know and I don't care.
Phantom: I can hear singing, if you can call that caterwauling cacophony singing. That old fool, Schnitzel, has got himself another soprano, blast him. He needs to be taught a little lesson and I am a very, very good teacher.
(The Phantom laughs as he leaves).
Olwyn de Bag: Oh no, no. Whoever you are, I beg you.

Added: 04/04/2018

The diva

T-Shirt: What on earth are you doing?
T-Bag: What do you think I'm doing, building the Suez canal, idiot!
Tow-Ling: We've searched the whole theatre and no sign of your birthday surprise.
T-Bag: Well, you'll just have to search a bit more won't you shorthouse.
Tow-Ling: Aren't you gonna help?
T-Bag: How dare you, what do you think I'm doing, I'm rehearsing an opera, will you kindly both vacate my stage and allow me to brush up my bolero.
T-Shirt: Sounds painful, come on Tow-Ling let's leave the diva in peace.

Added: 04/04/2012

The barber of Seville

Fritz Schnitzel: Now at this point, I, as Don Jose, shall be sitting here, priming my musket when you, as Carmen, come dancing across to me.
T-Bag: Hmm. Oh I'm not very fond of guns, couldn't you be combing your hair or something.
Fritz Schnitzel: Fräulein, I am a corporal in the Spanish army, not the barber of Seville. Anyway, it's not a real musket. It is only a harmless prop. Look I will show you. (The Phantom swaps the prop musket for a real one which Fritz picks up) Now, I pull the trigger (The gun goes off).
T-Bag: Oh (he drops the gun). Ohhh, you idioooot!
Fritz Schnitzel: Hurgh.
T-Bag: Ooh wait 'til I get my hands on you mate. Oh, Idiot. Ooooh.

Added: 04/04/2024