Take Off With T. Bag Episode 10: Shangri-La

Back to: Home page | Series Index

Prev Ep | Series 9 - Episode 10 | Next Ep

Episode 1Many Happy Returns
Episode 2Thief Of Baghdad
Episode 3Bagsy Malone
Episode 4Curse Of The Mummy
Episode 5Doctor Strangebag
Episode 6Antony and Cleopatra
Episode 7Phantom Of The Opera
Episode 8Bin Bag
Episode 9The Red Shoes
Episode 10Shangri-La

UK Air Date17/11/1992, 4.15pm
Repeat ScreeningN/A, N/A
Copyright Year1992
VTR Dateunknown
Fremantle Archive Ref56887 (series ref)
Consecutive Episode Number94
IMDB LinkEpisode page

T. Bag (Tabatha Bag)Georgina Hale
T. ShirtJohn Hasler
Tow-Ling ShirtBea Julakasiun
Empress/Granny BagDenise Coffey

Make UpChristine Morrell
Miss Hale's Make UpCarlene Gearing
CostumeJo Allman
CamerasAlbert Almond
SoundJohn Osborne
Stage ManagerBobby Webber
Floor ManagerFrancesca Boulter
Lighting DirectorPeter Bower
Allen Harradine
Production AssistantGill Thomas
Video Tape EditorTom Kavanagh
Production DesignerAlex Clarke
ProducerCharles Warren
DirectorNeville Green
Written ByLee Pressman
Grant Cathro

T-Bag thinks it is taking too long to find her birthday surprise so she orders Tow-Ling and T-Shirt to take her back to Chateau Bag but when they disagree saying they are really close. T-Bag then decides to take over but she crashes the flying saucer. She sends T-Shirt and Tow-Ling to get help but after a while she goes to find them. Will T-Bag find her birthday present, The Greatest Gift Of All?
The High-T Website synopsis

Title

The Empress

Party Time

Too Much Cake

For more images see the Image Galleries

If you would like to contribute your favourite/funniest etc quotes from this episode please contact me.

Unhappy Families

T-Bag: No, no, no, I can't bear any more, I'm going mad, mad, mad. I wanna go home, somebody take me home. I'm cracking up, I'm cracking up, I'm at the end of my rope, I'm going crazy, crazy, heh, crazy.
T-Shirt: Have you got Master Bun the Unemployed Bakerís Son?
Tow-Ling: No, do you have Mrs Drip, the plumberís ex-wife who ran of with Mr Stamp the postman?
T-Shirt: Nope.
T-Bag: Oh for Peteís sake, what are you two doing?
Tow-Ling: Weíre playing unhappy families.
T-Bag: Right give me those, you get over there and get me home.
Tow-Ling: But you haven't got your birthday surprise yet.
T-Bag: Don't you tell me what to do, get me back to Chateau Bag.
T-Shirt: But we're this close. I can feel it in my bones.
T-Bag: You'll be feeling my fist in your bones if you don't both do as I tell you.
Tow-Ling: T-Shirt's right your Majesty, I think we should horse on.
T-Bag: I see, ha, ha, mutiny is it? Very well I will fly us back myself, ha, ha.
(T-Bag starts pressing random buttons on the console)
Tow-Ling: Don't do that.
T-Shirt: For crying out loud.
Tow-Ling: You don't know what you're doing.
T-Bag: Oh, shut up, shut up. Come on you flying scrapheap, which one's reverse?
(T-Bag pressing another button and the flying saucer crash lands).

Added: 04/08/2012

An Ice Lolly

(T-Shirt and Tow-Ling are outside the flying saucer in a blizzard).
Tow-Ling: Now what do we do?
T-Shirt: First person to spot a phone box gets an ice lolly.
Tow-Ling: Great.
T-Shirt: So young that boy.

Added: 04/04/2015

Get My Present

T. Bag: I'm not going anywhere until I get my present.
Empress: Present?
T. Bag: That there with my name on it.

Passport Photo

T-Bag: Letís get this straight, if we can make you laugh, I get my birthday present, right?
Empress Po: Right.
T-Bag: Oh, a piece of puff-pastry. T-Shirt, show the lady your passport photo.

A wild goose chase

Tow-Ling: Jeepers creepers.
T-Shirt: Wow.
T. Bag: It's impossible.
Tow-Ling: Where did all the snow go?
T-Shirt: And how come it's so hot? Weird.
T. Bag: Who cares? Who cares? The main point is we survived didn't we, and no thanks to you pair, as usual it was me, me who had to bail us out.
(T-Bag notices her present).
Tow-Ling: Your majesty.
T-Shirt: What is it?
T. Bag: I don't believe it.
Tow-Ling: Tabatha Bag's birthday surprise your Majesty, it's your birthday surprise, we found it.
T. Bag: You mean I've found it. Oh bliss, bliss. Oh at last, all the trouble I've been through, oh it's mine, mine, mine.
(The Empress appears in a puff of smoke).
Empress: Halt! Who dares defile the sacred garden of the mystical temple of the Empress Po?
T. Bag: I, I, The weirdos are out in force today.
Empress: You will kneel and beg forgiveness of the Empress.
T. Bag: Oh yes, and Thomas the tank engine is joining the Royal Ballet. Get out of my way.
(The Empress zaps T-Bag as she tries to approach the present).
Empress: You will leave this place now and never return, you are not welcome in Shangri-La, be gone!
T. Bag: I'm not going anywhere until I get my present.
Empress: Present?
T. Bag: That there with my name on it.
Empress: Ahh, arrh, ahhh.
T. Bag: Unhh, urnnhh
Empress: Then you are Tabatha Bag, why did you not say so?
T. Bag: Oh because I was too busy getting two thousand volts of electricity right up my arms.
Empress: You are welcome Tabatha Bag, you are welcome all.
T. Bag: Ohh, do you hear that boys, what other name do you know of that's so successful at opening doors.
Tow-Ling: Handle?
T. Bag: Shut up.
T-Shirt: Um does this mean she can have her present now.
Empress: Certainly.
T. Bag: Oh, oh, I can hardly wait.
Empress: But.
T. Bag: I knew it, I knew it, there's always a but. But, but, but, but, but, but, but, but what?
Empress: But first you must perform a simple task.
T. Bag: Oh I don't believe this, I've had enough, I'm going home and don't try to stop me, goodbye.
T-Shirt: Are you nuts? After everything we've been through, you're just going to walk away. If you don't see this thing through to the end you're going to spend every waking minute of every day for the rest of your life wondering what was in that box.
Tow-Ling: He's right you know.
T. Bag: Oh alright, alright. What do I have to do?
Empress: Make me laugh.
T. Bag: What?
Empress: Make me laugh. A thousand centuries ago I was granted the gift of eternal life I was the happiest person in the world.
T. Bag: Sounds reasonable.
Empress: Ah, but I came to realise over the long endless years that my great gift was a poison.
Tow-Ling: I understand what you're saying. Everyone you knew grew old and died while you live on forever and that's why you don't laugh anymore.
Empress: You want to come up here and tell the story?
Tow-Ling: No.
Empress: Then kindly pipe down. The reason why I have not laughed once in all these long years is pure and simple. I have heard every joke in the world a billion times, every pun, every joke, every rhyme, every riddle, every limerick, every knock-knock, every doctor-doctor, every why did the chicken cross the road scenario in search of the elusive chuckle, I have pulled more crackers than Rod Stewart but my face remain uncracked, my sides unsplit and my ribs severely untickled.
T-Bag: Oh letís get this straight, if we can make you laugh, I get my birthday present, right?
Empress Po: Right.
T-Bag: Oh, a piece of puff-pastry. T-Shirt, show the lady your passport photo.
Empress: Come, come, I am waiting.
Tow-Ling: I know some jokes your majesty.
T. Bag: This does not require your infantile playground humour. What is needed is a soup-song bit of sophisticated humour. What superstar has got eight bums?
T-Shirt: Oh yes, very sophisticated.
T. Bag: Oh bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. Bum, bum.
Empress: Heard it! A pathetic variation on the how many bums has Beethoven got joke circa 1830. Bum, bum, bum, bum. Bum, bum, bum, bum. It wasn't funny then, it isn't funny now. Next.
T-Shirt: You leave this to me. What is nine hundred feet high, is made out of jelly and custard and stands in the middle of Paris?
Empress: The trifle tower
T-Shirt: The trifle tower, Uh.
Empress: An absurd paraphrase of the Leaning tower of Pizza joke 1771. Next.
Tow-Ling: A funny thing happened to me on the way to Shangri-La.
T. Bag: Button it shorthouse.
Tow-Ling: Anybody here from Sunderland?
Empress: Oh no, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. You have dismally failed to amuse me therefore you will forfeit your birthday gift.
T. Bag: This is lunacy, I demand my present, and I am going to have my present.
Empress: No you cannot.
T. Bag: Yes.
Empress: No.
T. Bag: Yes.
Empress: No.
T. Bag: Yes. Yes. Yes. The moment, the moment I've been waiting for. At last, at last. At last.
(T-Bag opens the present and a goose's head peers out, the Empress begins to laugh when she takes off her mask to reveal Granny Bag).
T. Bag: Oh Granny.
T-Shirt: Gotcha.
Tow-Ling: You fell right into it your majesty.
Granny Bag: Hook, line and sinker.
T. Bag: What's been going on here? After all the trouble I've been through I end up with this feathered freak.
Granny Bag: It's a wild goose Tabatha, get it? A wild goose.
T-Shirt: A wild goose.
Tow-Ling: Wild goose. Get it?
T. Bag: Got it, oh you mean this whole tedious fiasco has been nothing but a wild goose chase?
Granny Bag, T-Shirt & Tow-Ling: Yeeessss.
T. Bag: No birthday surprise, nobody loves me and nobody cares.
Granny Bag: Oh come on ducks, quack, quack. Come on we'll soon get you home, eh. There you are, poor old girl.

Added: 04/04/2013

Surprise...

Granny Bag: Oh, cheer up love, you're home now.
T-Bag: I've got no friends, I got no cards, no presents, no nuffink.
T-Shirt: Nothing.
Tow-Ling: You've got us.
T-Bag: Oh don't remind me, you wanna to know something? This has been the worst birthday I've ever had in the whole of my life.
Granny Bag: Ohhhh.
(Granny Bag goes to turn on the lights).
Party guests: Surprise... Hooray...
Doctor Strangebag: Surprise. Heh, heh, heh, heh.
Bagsy Malone: Surprise. He, he, he, he.
Sultan Bagwash: Ah, surprise, surprise.
T-Shirt: Happy Birthday.
Granny Bag: Happy Birthday Tabatha. You daft donut Tabatha, did you honestly think we'd forget your one thousandth birthday?
T-Bag: But the golden envelopes, the guards, you mean.
Granny Bag: Yep, that was me, he, he, he, he, it was a wheeze to get you out of the house while we got your surprise party ready. Ha, ha, cunning eh?
T-Bag: Oh I don't know what to say, I'm speechless.
T-Shirt: Well that makes a pleasant change. Come on everybody lets all raise our glasses and toast our favourite Birthday girl.
Sultan Bagwash: Mmmm
Bagsy Malone: Ah thank you garcon.
Doctor Strangebag: Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha...
Granny Bag: Oh yeah.
Party guests (In song): Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday dear T-Bag, Happy Birthday to you.
Granny Bag: Hip Hip hooray.
T-Bag: Oh thank you, I'm overwhelmed Granny. Now I know what you meant when you said I was going to get the greatest gift of all, and the greatest gift of all is friendship.
(Tow-Ling walks in with the large birthday cake floating in the air by magic).
Tow-Ling: Look what I can do your Majesty, I've been practising.
Granny Bag: Ooh, oooh.
(Tow-Ling inadvertently steps on Doggy Bag's tail).
Tow-Ling: I'm sorry Doggy Bag, are you alright?
T-Shirt: Tow-Ling, the cake!
(The cake falls onto T-Bag).
Tow-Ling: I'm sorry.
T-Bag: Oh you idio-uuuuuuuut!
T-Shirt: Don't worry, you'll get used to it.

Added: 04/08/2012

"The Hidden (or not so hidden) Crew"
In the Garden of Shangri-La when T-Bag tries to get her birthday present and the Empress (Granny Bag in disguise) zaps her backwards, the Empress tells them they are not welcome in Shangri-La. T-Bag retorts 'I'm not going anywhere until I get my present'and eventually the Empress replies with 'arh arh arrrh' as she realises she is Tabatha Bag that in the bottom-left corner of the screen a member of the crew can be seen on set behind the birthday present.

"Balloons Foiled"
At T. Bag's surprise party, back at Chateau Bag, we see Doctor Strangebag (from Ep5), Bagsy Malone (from Ep3) and Sultan Bagwash (From ep2). Sultan Bagwash is seen infront of some 'foil' balloons but there are none of these balloons throughout the scene in Chateau Bag. These extra clips were filmed in front of balloons during the episodes these cast members appeared in.

For more mistakes from other episodes, please see the Nitpicker's Guide

  • The 'not laughing' storyline was also used in The Amazing Adventures of T-Bag book in chapter six with Emporer Po instead of Granny Bag's Empress Po.
  • The characters of Granny Bag and Doggy Bag were first mentioned in The Amazing Adventures of T-Bag book released in 1990.
  • The party guests include Bobby Webber the series stage manager.
  • Norman Mitchell, who played Sultan Bagwash (and appears briefly as a party guest), sadly passed away on 19th March 2001, aged 82.
  • Denise Coffey appeared in The Tomorrow People which was also written by Lee Pressman and Grant Cathro. Denise Coffey appeared in all five episodes of 'The Culex Experiment' as Aunt Ruth.
  • Denise Coffey appeared in Spatz which was also written by Lee Pressman and Grant Cathro. Denise Coffey appeared in the episodes 'Fire Alarm' (#2.5, 07/02/1991) and 'The Curse of Karen' (#3.5, 27/03/1992) as Mildred.

  • T-Bag and T-Shirt have to make the empress laugh who has not laughed for years. This storyline was used in Wonders in Letterland with the emperor and also in the Amazing Adventures book.
    (Wonders in Letterland, Episode 9: Debbie In The Land Of E)
  • The character of Granny Bag, played by Denise Coffey, appears again as the anchor character for this series after featuring in episodes from the previous two series.
    (T. Bag and The Rings of Olympus, Episode 5: Vampires)
    (T. Bag and The Sunstones of Montezuma, Episode 9: Y-Fronts)
  • Denise Coffey also appeared in an episode of T. Bag and The Revenge of the T. Set, playing The Queen. Including her two appearances in this series, Denise Coffey appears in five different episodes throughout the nine series.
    (T. Bag and The Revenge of the T. Set, Episode 9: The Bard)
  • T-Shirt and Tow-Ling are playing the card game Happy Families, this was also played between Scrap Harry and the Genie in T-Bag Strikes Again, with neither being able to get the cards they ask for from the other player.
    (T-Bag Strikes Again, Episode 4: Scrap Harry)
  • Some of the guest cast during episodes earlier in this series reappear as party guests. These are Sultan Bagwash (from episode 2), Bagsy Malone (from episode 3) and Doctor Strangebag (from episode 5). These insert shots were filmed during filming of the episodes the guest cast members featured in.
    (Take off with T. Bag, Episode 2: Thief Of Baghdad)
    (Take off with T. Bag, Episode 3: Bagsy Malone)
    (Take off with T. Bag, Episode 5: Doctor Strangebag)
  • This episode features a mention of a place in the UK which happens in several other episodes, this episode features Tow-Ling mentioning Sunderland.
    (T. Bag and The Sunstones of Montezuma, Episode 1: In The Footsteps Of Kit Bag)
    (T. Bag and The Sunstones of Montezuma, Episode 7: One Million Years B.C.)
    (Take off with T. Bag, Episode 1: Many Happy Returns)
    (Take off with T. Bag, Episode 2: Thief Of Baghdad)
    (Take off with T. Bag, Episode 9: The Red Shoes)