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The old T-Bag
Debbie: Hello. Anybody here?
(A board game called Wonders In Letterland begins to move across the table and falls with a thud onto the floor, Debbie walks over, picks it up an opens the game).
Shopkeeper: Arh, I see you've found it.
Debbie: Oh, I'm terribly sorry, I couldn't see anybody, so I just...
Shopkeeper: It's quite alright, it's nice isn't it?
Debbie: Yes.
Shopkeeper: Hmm, I can understand you being taken with it. Do you know it's the most valuable piece in the whole shop?
Debbie: Is it?
Shopkeeper: Hm-hmm.
Debbie: It's a game isn't it?
Shopkeeper: Yes of course, how clever of you, yes it is.
Debbie: How do you play it?
Shopkeeper: Well, that's the pity you see, the rules have been lost I'm afraid.
Debbie: Ohhhh.
Shopkeeper: But I'm sure you could work it out. Just a moment now, I'll clear a space for you, there we are.
Debbie: Oh no, look I haven't time, I've got to go.
Shopkeeper: Hmm.
Debbie: I've got loads of homework to do.
Shopkeeper: Oh dear.
Debbie: Yes, I'm in enough trouble as it is.
Shopkeeper: Huh-uh, that's a pity.
Debbie: I don't want to fall further behind.
Shopkeeper: Hmm.
Debbie: Yes, it is interesting isn't it? But I really have to go home now.
(Debbie closes the board game).
Gardener: Ouch!
Debbie: What was... hello?
(The shopkeeper has gone. Debbie opens the game up and the Gardener begins to talk to her).
Gardener: I say. I say. Oh dear, oh me, oh my, oh my. I say, you up there.
Debbie: Hmm-mm, me?
Gardener: Do you mind terribly not slamming things down like that. It's like a flipping earthquake down here. Oh that is, I mean, if it's no trouble, I...
Debbie: Oh, I'm terribly sorry. Wow! What are you doing down there?
Gardener: I, I live here.
Debbie: You live in a game?
Gardener: Yes of course.
Debbie: Well it's very beautiful.
Gardener: Yes, well most of the time it is, yes. Oh dear, oh me, oh my, oh my. That is when she's not around.
Debbie: She? Who's she?
Gardener: She? Well everybody knows who, who she is.
Debbie: I don't.
Gardener: She, well, she's the old T-Bag.
(The board game suddenly fills with lightning and thunder). Oh there she goes again. Oh dear, oh me, oh my, oh my.
Debbie: What was that?
Gardener: That was her.
Debbie: What do you mean? Who is this person?
Gardener: The old T-Bag.
Debbie: T-Bag!
Gardener: Sh, sh, sh, sh, sh. Yes we, we call her that because all she ever thinks about is, is drinking tea. That is when she isn't making our lives a misery.
Debbie: Oh dear, I'm so sorry.
Gardener: And this used to be such a wonderful happy place. Such a wonderful happy...
(he cries).
Debbie: Oh don't be miserable.
Gardener: What else can I do but be miserable? Nobody will ever help me, ever, ever.
Debbie: Oh I'm sure they will.
Gardener: Who? When? When? Who?
Debbie: Well, is there something I can do?
Gardener: What a wonderful idea.
Debbie: Oh but how can I help? I mean, you're down there and I'm up here.
Gardener: That is a trifling detail. Utterly trifling, oh marvellous, help is on the way
(he squeals in delight). Couldn't be simpler, all you've got to do is think small.
Debbie: Think small?
Gardener: That is all, think small.
Added: 04/04/2015
All got to do with opening the chest
Debbie: Well I think there's something very fishy about all this. And it's all got to do with opening the chest.
T-Bag: There's nothing in there that could interest you. Keep away from it, you have been warned.
(T-Bag disappears).
Debbie: Are you alright?
Gardener: Er, yes, thank you. I think so. Am I? Oh I say, that was good the way you stood up to her just now.
Debbie: Thanks.
Gardener: Do you know if she hadn't popped off just now I would have punched her right on her ugly nose. One, two. Aah, oh, oh don't do that.
Added: 04/04/2016
The mysteries of the chest
Debbie: Come on, let's take another look at those letters.
Gardener: But she said.
Debbie: I know what she said. She may be a clever old witch but we're going to beat her at this game.
Gardener: You mean you're going to stay and help us.
Debbie: Of course.
Gardener: Oh marvellous, marvellous.
Debbie: Come on.
Gardener: Heh.
Debbie: Now I'm sure the secret must be in the chest.
Gardener: Mmm.
Debbie: And this writing will tell us how to open it.
Gardener: Good.
Debbie: Not so good.
Gardener: Oh.
Debbie: You've got to find the missing letters of course.
Gardener: Exactly.
Debbie: And once we've found them we'll unlock the mysteries of the chest.
Gardener: And everybody will be happy again, oh I feel so much better. I am so happy, so happy. Wuh-a-hee, oh-doh-dee-doh-dee-doh.
Debbie: Let's start right away. They could be absolutely anywhere those letters.
Gardener: Yes, wh-where shall we start?
Debbie: This is a game isn't it?
Gardener: Yes it is.
Debbie: We'll do what you usually do in a game. Start at the beginning and make our way to the end.
Gardener: Absolutely, that's just what I was going to say.
Debbie: Now where's the beginning?
Gardener: Ah, very good question. Where is the beginning? I know it's over here somewhere. But I'm not quite sure in which erm direction, if it's that way or, or that, erm that, hmm.
Debbie: Could it be that way?
Gardener: Oh there it is. Stick with me and you won't go far wrong, hee. Do you know? I don't even know your name.
Debbie: Oh no. It's Debbie.
Gardener: Debbie, how do you do? Hee hee hee. Erm now Debbie, this is not going to be an easy game but I don't want you to be nervous. Look at me, I'm not at all nervous, what, huh-huh-uh. Stick with me and we'll be alright. Now off we go.
Added: 04/04/2015