T. Bag And The Revenge Of The T. Set Episode 4: Turkish Delight

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Episode 1The Stone Circle
Episode 2When In Rome
Episode 3Lost In Space
Episode 4Turkish Delight
Episode 5Hazel Knutt's Muesli Bar
Episode 6Rock Star Baby
Episode 7Anastasia
Episode 8La Boheme
Episode 9The Bard
Episode 10The Ceremony

UK Air Date24/01/1989, 4.20pm
Repeat Screening29/07/1991, 4.20pm
Copyright YearMCMLXXXVIII (1988)
VTR Date11/10/1988
Fremantle Archive Ref45057 (series ref)
Consecutive Episode Number45
IMDB LinkEpisode page

T. Bag (Tallulah Bag)Elizabeth Estensen
T. ShirtJohn Hasler
Sally SimpkinsKellie Bright
Karim KaramelFrank Coda
FizzMartino Lazzeri

Make UpCaroline Becker
CostumeRaymond Childe
Vandra Howarde
Graphic DesignerChris Connors
Stage ManagerBobby Webber
Production AssistantCaroline Vance
DesignerJohn Plant
Executive ProducerCharles Warren
Written ByLee Pressman
Grant Cathro
DirectorLeon Thau
ProducerLeon Thau

Sally arrives at a Turkish market where a market trader has a genie in a lemonade bottle and the next silver spoon, when Sally buys some lemonade she accidentally takes the genie in the bottle.
The High-T Website synopsis

If you would like to contribute your favourite/funniest etc quotes from this episode please contact me.

I'll do the serious stuff

T-Bag: Put some elbow grease into it boy, this place is turning into a tip.
T-Shirt: I thought we're supposed to be out, stopping Sally, looking for spoons, that sort of thing.
T-Bag: From now on I'll do the serious stuff, not having you under my feet tripping me up. You can stay here and keep busy.
T-Shirt: I've done the dishes, made the beds, washed the windows. I'm not a housemaid.
T-Bag: And when you've finished moaning here's a list of the rest of the things that I want done.
T-Shirt: Ironing, cleaning, polishing, this goes on forever.
T-Bag: That's right.
T-Shirt: Why can't I just magic it all done?
T-Bag: Don't you dare. Hard work never hurt anyone.
T-Shirt: Well it's hurting me.
T-Bag: Oh get on with it and make me some tea.
T-Shirt: How can I make you some tea when I've got the ironing, the cleaning, the polishing?
T-Bag: Tea!
T-Shirt: Oh this is a joke.

Added: 04/04/2019

Like taking candy from a baby

T-Bag: T-Shirt, Iíve got the spoon. Sally Simpkins didnít even get a look in this time. It was like taking candy from a baby, literally. (T-Bag eats a Turkish delight) Mmm, yummy delish. What a pity youíre too ill to join me T-Shirt, these are just so scrumptious, youíd love these.
T-Shirt: Well I am feeling just a bit better now.
T-Bag: Oh no, you donít look at all well, just sit there and get better.
T-Shirt: Nope, I definitely feel just a teeny bit less poorly than before.
T-Bag: Well that's good news. Soon you'll be up and about and able to do all the housework won't you?
(T-Shirt coughs).
T-Bag: Oh dear, I just better get you something for that cough.
(T-Bag walks off so T-Shirt eats one of the sweets but T-Bag walks back in).
T-Shirt: Oops!
T-Bag: Yes, oops.
(T-Shirt feigns a cough).
T-Bag: I knew it was all a sham. Don't start that again, you lazy little beggar. I've got a fever, I don't feel well, a brass neck, that's what you've got. Lucky for you I'm in a good mood boy, otherwise I wouldn't fancy your chances.
T-Shirt: Can I have a sweet then?
T-Bag: No, I told you, I'm eating your share.

Added: 04/04/2021

Tummy ache, ate too many sweets!

T-Shirt: Sally.
Sally: You, what do you want?
T-Shirt: If you must know, Her Majesty is not feeling very well.
Sally: Oh what a shame.
T-Shirt: It's not funny, she's writhing about in agony, I've got to get her some medicine. (T-Shirt sees the chemist is closed) Oh great it's shut.
Sally: What's wrong with T-Bag anyway?
T-Shirt: Tummy ache, ate too many sweets.
Sally: Really?
T-Shirt: What am I going to do now?
Sally: Tummy ache eh? What a coincidence, I had a tummy ache this morning, I ate too many sweets as well.
T-Shirt: You look alright now.
Sally: Oh the state I was in, doubled-up in pain.
T-Shirt: Yeah.
Sally: Feeling sick all the time.
T-Shirt: Really?
Sally: It was terrible.
T-Shirt: So how come you're not ill now?
Sally: I got the most amazing stuff from the chemist just before they shut, one swig and I was right as rain.
T-Shirt: Oh great, just what I need, have you got any left?
Sally: No. (Sally hides the 'Fizz' bottle behind her).
T-Shirt: What's that then?
Sally: What's what?
T-Shirt: There behind your back.
Sally: Nothing.
T-Shirt: It's the medicine isn't it?
Sally: No.
T-Shirt: Oh yes it is, oh come on.
Sally: So what if it is, why should I help T-Bag? She can just stay ill for all I care.
T-Shirt: That's nice isn't it. How can you be so mean when someone's suffering? Oh go on let me have it.
Sally: Well...
T-Shirt: It's the only decent thing to do.
Sally: Go on then there.
T-Shirt: Oh thanks Sally, you're a pal.
Sally: Oh and T-Shirt...
T-Shirt: What?
Sally: Don't tell T-Bag it was me who gave you that.
T-Shirt: I understand.
Sally: I don't mind if you take all the credit.
T-Shirt: Oh thanks. You know you're not as bad as she makes out you are.
Sally: I always do my best to help.
T-Shirt: Bye.
Sally: Bye bye.

Added: 04/04/2012

Fizz from the bottle

T-Bag: Ouuuurghhhh-oughh.
(T-Shirt appears).
T-Shirt: I'm back.
T-Bag: 'bout time, what did you get me?
T-Shirt: This stuff will have you back on your feet in no time.
T-Bag: Where did you get it from?
T-Shirt: Er, a chemist.
T-Bag: Well give it to me then.
T-Shirt: A couple of spoonfuls of this will do the trick.
T-Bag: Well come on then.
T-Shirt: Right, spoon, spoon.
T-Bag: Use that one.
T-Shirt: I can't get the top off.
T-Bag: Some Doctor you'd make, give it here. Tchh, oough.
(T-Bag opens the bottle and Fizz appears).
Fizz: Fizz Wizz! I am Fizz, I am Fizz.
T-Bag: Garrgghh! T-Shirt what is it?
T-Shirt: I don't know.
Fizz: I am Fizz from the bottle, hee hee hee.
T-Bag: Where did you get this bottle?
T-Shirt: Erm.
T-Bag: Answer me.
T-Shirt: Sally gave it to me.
T-Bag: Imbecile boy.
Fizz: You own me now, I am your Fizz.
T-Bag: I don't want to own you, buzz off.
Fizz: Oh, Fizz want this.
T-Shirt: Well you can't have it.
Fizz: Fizz got it, heh, heh.
T-Shirt: Give it back. It's not yours.
Fizz: Is.
T-Shirt: Isn't.
Fizz: Is.
T-Shirt: Isn't.
Fizz: Fizz likes silver, Fizz collects silver.
T-Shirt: Well you're not collecting this. Ok, now get back in that bottle.
(Fizz blows raspberry and laughs). Oh.
T-Bag: Don't ask him, force him, do something.
T-Shirt: My, look at all the silver in here. You'd better get back in there before somebody steals it.
Fizz: Ha, ha, nobody get in Fizz bottle.
T-Shirt: Wanna bet? I could get in there.
Fizz: No, only Fizz.
T-Shirt: I could steal all your silver.
Fizz: No.
T-Shirt: Right then, watch this.
Fizz: Oh no.
T-Shirt: Oh yes, here I am, in here.
Fizz: You in Fizz bottle, get out of Fizz bottle.
T-Shirt: No! Now what lovely silver things shall I steal.
Fizz: No, Fizz coming, Fizz coming.
(Fizz disappears and T-Shirt reappears).
T-Shirt: Ohh, how was that your Majesty. Clever eh?
T-Bag: Oh very clever, letting that pesky girl hoodwink you was clever as well.
T-Shirt: Sorry about that.
T-Bag: Get rid of it.
T-Shirt: What shall I do with it?
T-Bag: Give it back to Sally smug-features with my compliments. Only get it out of here now.
T-Shirt: Will do.
(T-Shirt disappears).
T-Bag: Stupid boy.

Added: 04/04/2016

I need the full set

T-Shirt: Right, that's it then.
T-Bag: Pardon?
T-Shirt: Well that's it, isn't it?
T-Bag: What's it?
T-Shirt: The spoons?
T-Bag: Will you stop this gibberish and tell me slowly what you're talking about?
T-Shirt (slowly): Now that we have the spoon, that's it.
T-Bag: Give me strength, we're back to where we started now.
T-Shirt: No, now we have the spoon that's put a stop to Sally Simpkin's capers, we can forget it now.
T-Bag: Are you mad?
T-Shirt: Pardon?
T-Bag: You fool, it may have put a stop to Miss fidget-face's capers as you put it but that isn't it at all.
T-Shirt: Why not? She can't get the full set.
T-Bag: No but I need the full set.
(T-Shirt looks puzzled).
T-Bag: I need the full set you idiot and within the next six days I might add in order to draw the power from that great moment when the stars align themselves in the heavens, the power that will make me the High-T for all time, when evil will rule the universe and I will become invincible.
T-Shirt: Oh yeah.
T-Bag: Oh yeah, so until that great moment arrives you just get on with the housework.
T-Shirt: Oh no, here we go.
T-Bag: There's no need for us to live in a pig sty. By the way, where is the spoon?
(T-Shirt picks up the saucer and he sees Sally with the spoon).
T-Shirt: Now don't throw a wobbly your Majesty.
T-Bag: What?
T-Shirt: You can't blame me.
T-Bag: The spoon.
(T-Bag takes the saucer from T-Shirt).
T-Shirt: Now calm down.
T-Bag: Arrrghhh, she's got the spoon.
(T-Bag rolls her head and thunder and lightning fills the T-Room).

Added: 04/04/2015

"The Shadow Secret"
Another mistake involving the split-screen effect, you can only really notice it on the video so watch carefully. When Karim first uncorks the lemonade bottle, we cut from a close-up of him, to a mid-two-shot, with Fizz appearing to his left, twirling round. Again, a screen-wipe has been employed to conceal him so that Karim can carry on moving while he appears. However, before he does appear, you can clearly see the shadow of the actor, twirling round, on the table cloth behind him!

For more mistakes from other episodes, please see the Nitpicker's Guide

  • The name of 'Karim Karamel' is a play on words of 'Cream Caramel'
  • The Fizz bottle from this episode can be clearly seen on the far table in the curiosity shop during the series title sequence.
  • On the extra 'John Hasler & Kellie Bright in conversation with Elizabeth Estensen' on the T. Bag The Reunion Documentary DVD released by Fantom Films in 2007 Kellie Bright mentions working with Martino Lazzeri and him later appearing in Hollyoaks.