T. Bag And The Revenge Of The T. Set Episode 8: La Boheme

Vincent Van Driver, an artist, wants an art critic to see his paintings. The art critic has the next silver spoon so T-Shirt tricks him into thinking he has painted Vincent Van Drivers' pictures. Meanwhile T-Bag thinks it is Friday the thirteenth so she is being extra careful.
The High-T Website synopsis

This week's episode takes us over to Paris, where Sally meets Monsieur Claude, an art critic and buyer of paintings, and Vincent Van Driver, a penniless artist. She becomes friendly with Vincent and tells him her story of her quest for the Silver Spoons. Meanwhile, T-Bag discovers that Monsieur Claude has a silver spoon, so she sends down T-Shirt disguised as an onion seller to get it.
Lookin listing

Friday the thirteenth, the unluckiest day of the year

T-Bag: T-Shirt, what are you doing?
T-Shirt (off screen): I won't be long.
T-Bag: Time's pressing on and I'm getting worried. The day of the great celestial Tea ceremony draws ever closer and we're no nearer to laying our hands on those vital spoons. Well we're not going to waste anymore time today, let's get cracking. Let's just see if there's any sign of that dratted girl. (T-Bag looks in her saucer and sees the next spoon) What's this? What's this? (Inhales sharply), T-Shirt look. The next silver spoon, ripe for the picking and I've found it first (squeals in delight), that fool looks like a pushover, like taking bon bon from a baby. What are you doing?
(T-Shirt walks in).
T-Shirt: Just changing the calendar.
T-Bag: Yes, well hurry up because... huyurrh, huyurgghh, T-Shirt, T-Shirt.
T-Shirt: What? What's up? What is it?
T-Bag: Look at the date, look at the date.
T-Shirt: Friday the thirteenth, so what?
T-Bag: So what? Friday the thirteenth, the unluckiest day of the year.
T-Shirt: Eh?
T-Bag: A day of doom and despair, devastation and destruction.
T-Shirt: Get out of it.
T-Bag: Only an idiot, a complete fool would venture out on Friday the thirteenth, that settles it, I'm staying in all day. On the other hand there's no reason why you shouldn't go out.
T-Shirt: But you just said only an idiot or a complete fool would venture out today.
T-Bag: Need I say more?
T-Shirt: Oh what a load of superstitious twaddle.
T-Bag: It is not twaddle.
T-Shirt: Bunkum. Hocus pocus. Mumbo jumbo.
T-Bag: What do you know? Get dressed and I'll tell you what to do.

Added: 04/04/2023

I know who I am

Vincent Van Driver: Pardonne-moi Monsieur, do I now know you from somewhere?
Claude: No I don't think so.
Vincent Van Driver: But I'm sure I know your face. Monsieur Claude, why it is Monsieur Claude, the art critic, that is who you are.
Claude: I know who I am.
Vincent Van Driver: All the great Parisian painters revere you.
Claude: Of course, that is because I know a good painting when I see one. I am never, never wrong.
Vincent Van Driver: What a piece of luck running into you like this. I am an artist, a good artist.
Claude: Paris is bursting at the Seine with good artists.
Vincent Van Driver: Oh but Monsieur, come to my studio and see some of my work.
Claude: No, no, no, I’m fine.
Vincent Van Driver: I would so value your opinion.
Claude: I'm too busy.
Vincent Van Driver: Oh please, look, look. My studio is on the Rue de noise. I implore you, just for five minutes.
Claude: Rue de noise? Shall we say this evening, about, er, ten o' clock?
Vincent Van Driver: Oh merci, merci beaucoup Monsieur.
Claude: Bien, bien.
Vincent Van Driver: Look for my name on the door, Driver, Vincent Van Driver.

Added: 04/04/2024

An ingenious plan

T-Bag: I've come up with an ingenious plan for you to get that spoon, listen carefully I'm only going to say this once. You pretend to be selling onions, right?
T-Shirt: Right.
T-Bag: You go up to that fool and demonstrate your wares you cut an onion in half, right?
T-Shirt: Right.
T-Bag: The onion makes him cry, his eyes fill with tears, right?
T-Shirt: Right.
T-Bag: And while his eyes are filled with tears you clobber him with this loaf, grab the spoon and hop it, right?
T-Shirt: That's stupid, what a pathetic plan.
T-Bag: Right.
T-Shirt: Right.

Objet d'art

T-Shirt: I know how to give her majesty a good laugh. Ok Simpo, let's see what you look like with a beard and moustache (laughs).
Claude: Bon Soir, bon soir, sorry I'm a little late. Oh, I understood this to be the studio of one Vincent Van Driver.
T-Shirt: Yes.
Claude: Well where is he?
T-Shirt: He's gone out.
Claude: Gone out! He drags me halfway across Paris then he goes out.
T-Shirt: Well I'm here.
Claude: Who are you?
T-Shirt: I'm his pupil, Toulouse La Shirt.
Claude: Toulouse La... This is Van Driver's work but it is rubbish, rubbish, rubbish.
T-Shirt: No you don't understand.
Claude: How dare you tell me I do not understand. I understand everything about art. I know what I like and what I don't like and I don't like that but... this I do like. This is superb, magnifique, and you say you're his pupil.
T-Shirt: Eh?
Claude: You're a genius. This is great art.
T-Shirt: True.
Claude: I must have it, name your price.
T-Shirt: Oh, I'm not interested in money. Money is filthy vulgar stuff, don't you agree?
Claude: Urrrrrhh, yeah, yes, absolutement, you're quite right, common.
T-Shirt: I never touch it. A sensitive soul such the likes of what I am tries to surround himself with only beautiful things.
Claude: Objet d'art.
T-Shirt: Pardon.
Claude: Beautiful things.
T-Shirt: Exactly, antiques, that kind of clobber. If you were to offer me something small and silver I wouldn't turn my nose up at that.
Claude: Hah, ha, ha, just so happens I have something small and silver in my pocket.
T-Shirt: I thought you might.
Claude: Hee hee, ha, ha.
T-Shirt: Oh.
Claude: Anything that is mine is yours. Come with me Toulouse La Shirt and I will make you the toast of Paris.

Added: 04/04/2016

Looking For A Model

T-Shirt: Hello.
Vincent Van Driver: Oh hello. I was just admiring your work. You know it's true what Monsieur Claude says, this is the style of tomorrow, no question.
T-Shirt: Yeah, well forget them, I'd like to buy one of your paintings Vincent.
Vincent Van Driver: Oh that's very kind of you but I have decided to burn all my paintings.
T-Shirt: No.
Vincent Van Driver: Yes, at least they will be good for something, keeping me warm in the winter.
T-Shirt: But I need all your portraits.
Vincent Van Driver: Oh I never do portraits. In fact the one of the little girl is the only one I ever finished.
T-Shirt: But that one's already so... so, so lovely, that I'd like another one.
Vincent Van Driver: Eh?
T-Shirt: Come on Vinnie, pick up your brush, get stuck in.
Vincent Van Driver: Oh.
T-Shirt: I want another portrait.
Vincent Van Driver: Oh but where am I going to find another beautiful model at this time of night?
(T-Bag appears).
T-Bag: T-Shirt.
Vincent Van Driver: Arrgghhh!
T-Shirt: Your Majesty.
T-Bag: Come here you little imbecile.
T-Shirt: Just the person we need.
T-Bag: Don't give me that flannel genius Jim, come here.
T-Shirt: No listen your Majesty, you've got to help.
(T-Bag and T-Shirt have a whispered conversation).
T-Bag: Well, Mr Van Driver or whatever your name is, my young friend here tells me you are looking for a model.
Vincent Van Driver: Well yes.
T-Bag: Someone beautiful and lovely.
Vincent Van Driver: Oui, do you know anyone like that?
T-Bag: Me!
Vincent Van Driver: Oh yes. Well I suppose you will do.
T-Bag: Well let's get cracking. I'll just slip into something more spectacular (T-Bag uses her magic to change into a beautiful pink dress). There. Well don't just stand there, get daubing.

Updated: 04/04/2015

Looks Like A Pizza

Claude: Working on another masterpiece?
Vincent Van Driver: Well I...
Claude: Ha ha ha a la come on now don't be modest show me (shows picture) yeuggghhh!
T-Bag: What's that supposed to be?
Sally: Vincent?
T-Bag: Looks like a pizza.
Claude: What is going on here?