T. Bag And The Revenge Of The T. Set Episode 9: The Bard

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Episode 1The Stone Circle
Episode 2When In Rome
Episode 3Lost In Space
Episode 4Turkish Delight
Episode 5Hazel Knutt's Muesli Bar
Episode 6Rock Star Baby
Episode 7Anastasia
Episode 8La Boheme
Episode 9The Bard
Episode 10The Ceremony

UK Air Date28/02/1989, 4.20pm
Repeat Screening09/09/1991, 4.20pm
Copyright YearMCMLXXXVIII (1988)
VTR Dateunknown
Fremantle Archive Ref45057 (series ref)
Consecutive Episode Number50
IMDB LinkEpisode page

T. Bag (Tallulah Bag)Elizabeth Estensen
T. ShirtJohn Hasler
Sally SimpkinsKellie Bright
Queen ElizabethDenise Coffey
William WagadaggerFrank Thornton

Make UpCaroline Becker
CostumeRaymond Childe
Vandra Howarde
Graphic DesignerChris Connors
Stage ManagerBobby Webber
Production AssistantCaroline Vance
DesignerJohn Plant
Executive ProducerCharles Warren
Written ByLee Pressman
Grant Cathro
ProducerLeon Thau
DirectorLeon Thau

Queen Elizabeth is expecting a play from William Wagerdagger who is without actors until Sally, T-Shirt and T-Bag arrive. The payment for the play is some treasure including the last spoon.
The High-T Website synopsis

If you would like to contribute your favourite/funniest etc quotes from this episode please contact me.

The seriousness of the situation

(T-Shirt is in the T-Room listening to music).
T-Shirt: Sha, bam, bam, bam, sha, boom, boom, boom. Sha, bam, bam, bam...
T-Bag: T-Shirt.
T-Shirt:...sha, boom, boom, boom...
T-Bag: Not again, I can't stand it. Switch that thing off. Off!
(T-Bag uses magic to switch off the music).
T-Shirt: Oi, what's the big idea?
T-Bag: My head is splitting, I can't take anymore of that infernal racket.
T-Shirt: Oh.
T-Bag: Every time I look at you you're mucking about, wasting time.
T-Shirt: Well don't look then.
T-Bag: T-Shirt can't you grasp the seriousness of the situation? Madam mischief has all but one of those silver spoons, this is our last chance to stop her. So shift yourself.
T-Shirt: Oh, spoons, spoons, spoons.
T-Bag: What?
T-Shirt: I'm fed up hearing about those boring spoons, chasing all over the place, it's stupid.
T-Bag: Stupid! Stupid! I'll stupid you. You're supposed to be helping me.
T-Shirt: What's the point, we never win, we never get them.
T-Bag: And whose fault is that?
T-Shirt: It's no fun anymore, I'm bored with it, so if you don't mind.
(T-Shirt uses his magic to switch on the music).
T-Shirt: Sha, bam, bam, bam, sha, boom, boom, boom...
T-Bag: I don't believe it.
T-Shirt: ...Sha, bam, bam, bam.
(T-Shirt uses his magic to switch on the music and T-Bag then uses her magic to switch it off).
T-Bag: Enough is enough.
(T-Shirt uses his magic to switch on the music and T-Bag then uses her magic to switch it off).
T-Bag: Right, that's it, you've gone too far this time. I knew all along it was a mistake giving you your magic back; happily mistakes can be rectified.
T-Shirt: Eh?
T-Bag: I'm sorry but I'm doing this for my own good.
(T-Bag takes away T-Shirt's magic powers).
T-Shirt: Oh noooooooooooooo!
T-Bag: There all gone. Now you're going to listen to me and do as I say, is that clear?
T-Shirt: Hmm.
(T-Bag looks in her saucer and sees the miserable looking Queen).
T-Bag: Right, who have we here? No sign of the girl, no sign of the spoon. Hmm. Right T-Shirt, here's the plan, I'm sending you down there to scout around, see if that woman knows anything. Keep your ear close to the ground and your eyes peeled, don't let anything pass you by, got that?
(T-Shirt is listening to music with his headphones).
T-Bag: T-Shirt.
T-Shirt: What?
T-Bag: Oh get out of here.
T-Shirt: With pleasure.
T-Bag: Go and pester her instead of me, she looks far too happy.
T-Shirt: I can't go anywhere without my magic, can I?
T-Bag: Let me give you a lift.
(T-Bag uses her magic to make T-Shirt disappear).
T-Bag: Phwurr, I should have done that weeks ago.

Added: 04/04/2015

I come from a temple on top of a tea pot

The Queen: Who are you child and where did you spring from?
T-Shirt: You'd never believe me if I told you.
The Queen: Try me.
T-Shirt: Well, my name's T-Shirt.
The Queen: I don't believe you.
T-Shirt: And I come from a temple on top of a tea pot.
The Queen: I definitely don't believe you!
T-Shirt: And the woman in charge is called T-Bag.
The Queen: T-Bag!
T-Shirt: And she sent me here out of her way, told you, you wouldn't believe it.
The Queen: You were quite right.
T-Shirt: Look I'll go away and leave you in peace, I promise, bye.
The Queen: Stop, boy, boy stop. What pray is this peculiar contraption you have here?
T-Shirt: It plays music.
The Queen: Plays music? Tosh!
T-Shirt: Honest, listen.
The Queen: I must confess I'm partial to the odd magical. (He plays his hi-fi). Fie! Fie!
T-Shirt: No hi-fi.
The Queen: What is that devilish music?
T-Shirt: It's Davey Gravy and the disco kids, my favourite band. Sha, bam, bam, bam, sha, boom, boom, boom.
T-Shirt & The Queen: Sha, bam, bam, bam, sha, boom, boom, boom. Sha, bam, bam, bam, sha, boom, boom, boom.
The Queen: I quite like it now. Sha, bam, bam, bam, sha, boom, sha, bam. (The music stops) where, where did it go? Whe... where did it go? I want more.
T-Shirt: Hey that's mine.
The Queen: Not any more, think yourself lucky young sir that you have been privileged to entertain your sovereign Queen. Now we bid you good day.
T-Shirt: You can't just nick my...
The Queen: Good morrow. (T-Shirt leaves) Sha, bam, bam, bam, sha, boom, boom, boom. Sha, bam, bam, bam. (The hi-fi starts playing music).

Added: 04/04/2017

The Royal Wagadagger company

T-Shirt: Wanted, actors for major production, apply Will Wagadagger, that sounds like a laugh. Oh hello.
Will Wagadagger: Are you an actor?
T-Shirt: Me?
Will Wagadagger: Have you ever been on a stage?
T-Shirt: Have I, you're looking at Rip Shirt.
Will Wagadagger: Well if you say so. And you've come here to, to appear in my new play.
T-Shirt: Yeah, why not?
Will Wagadagger: Oh, such enthusiasm and you'll be earning yourself tuppence a week to boot.
T-Shirt: Oh, I'm, not in it for the money.
Will Wagadagger: I like this boy. Now here is your role, erm, there, try it.
T-Shirt: Enter a wounded messenger, (coughs) argghh, me thinks I am dead, he collapses to the ground, arggghhhhh. Is that it?
Will Wagadagger: I admit it is a small role but it's most effective, congratulations, welcome to the Royal Wagadagger company.

Added: 23/03/2013

Jeans

The Queen: You there, lad, what are you doing?
Sally: Why does everyone keep calling me lad? I'm a girl.
The Queen: Then how come you weareth such a manly garb?
Sally: No, no you don't understand, these are jeans.
The Queen: Does Jean know you are wearing them?

The Lady Ophelia to my Prince Jack

Will Wagadagger: Boy, Laddie.
T-Bag: Will Wagadagger?
Will Wagadagger: Of course.
T-Bag: A little dickie bird doth tell me you are in need of a fine actor.
Will Wagadagger: 'Tis true.
T-Bag: Then look no further, I'm sure you recognise me.
Will Wagadagger: Hurh...
T-Bag: Ar, I thought so. Hamlet, Richard the third, King Lear, the Sooty Show, I've done them all. I demand to be in your play.
Will Wagadagger: And I'd be honoured Sir, ha, ha, ha, what was your name again?
T-Bag: You jest of course, I am the great Tyrone Bag.
Will Wagadagger: Indeed. And I have a part in my play that would suit you to a tee.
T-Bag: Sounds good.
Will Wagadagger: The Lady Ophelia to my Prince Jack. Mind you, you'll have to shave off that beard and moustache.
T-Bag: I'm sure that could be arranged.
Will Wagadagger: Splendid, here is the play.
T-Bag: Thank you, I shall now take myself off on a lingering stroll and peruse your opus, adieu.
(T-Bag leaves the forest opening).
Will Wagadagger: Adieu, oh wonderful, the day is saved.
(T-Shirt and Sally appear in the forest).
T-Shirt: Will.
Will Wagadagger: Gadzooks, what's this?
T-Shirt: I want you to meet my friend.
Will Wagadagger: Yes, we've met, you didn't want to be in my play.
Sally: Uh yes, well I've changed my mind.
T-Shirt: And I didn't fancy playing Lady Ophelia.
Sally: So I'll play it instead.
T-Shirt: So everything's fixed.
Will Wagadagger: Oh well, I'm sorry to disappoint you but the part of Lady Ophelia is to be played by another, hmm. Still there are plenty of other parts so share them about amongst you.
Sally: Then I'm in?
Will Wagadagger: Yes, yes, of course, yes, welcome aboard. Now then all the costumes and erm wigs and erm props and everything are in these baskets, now help me take them to the palace.
Sally: Uh-Oh, the Queen!

Added: 23/03/2013

"Taking The Mic"
When T.Bag comes in to the throne room and says 'I'm your new lady in waiting' before going to tidy up all the treasure earmarked for William Wagadagger, you can briefly see a boom-mic at the top of the screen, directly above where the door meets the doorway, as the camera moves upwards, during the two-shot between Elizabeth Estensen and Denise Coffey.

For more mistakes from other episodes, please see the Nitpicker's Guide

  • The surname of the character, Ned Bumpkin, that T-Shirt portrays in the play means someone from a rural area who speaks or behaves in a manner that indicates a lack of understanding of the modern world.
  • The name of the T-Bag's alter-ego Tyrone Bag, is a play-on-words for 'Tie r'own bag'.
  • Denise Coffey appeared in The Tomorrow People which was also written by Lee Pressman and Grant Cathro. Denise Coffey appeared in all five episodes of 'The Culex Experiment' as Aunt Ruth.
  • Denise Coffey appeared in Spatz which was also written by Lee Pressman and Grant Cathro. Denise Coffey appeared in the episodes 'Fire Alarm' (#2.5, 07/02/1991) and 'The Curse of Karen' (#3.5, 27/03/1992) as Mildred.
  • Frank Thornton would appear alongside Kellie Bright in the episode 'The Wedding' of The Upper Hand in 1995.
  • The Queen asks Will Wagadagger 'Will it be ready for tonights midsummer night's celebrations?', an allusion to the William Shakespeare play 'A Midsummer's Night Dream'.
  • Frank Thornton, who played Will Wagadagger, sadly passed away on 16th March 2013, aged 92.

  • Denise Coffey, who plays Queen Elizabeth, appears in a further four episodes as Granny Bag including the anchor character in the final series.
    (T. Bag and The Rings of Olympus, Episode 5: Vampires)
    (T. Bag and The Sunstones of Montezuma, Episode 9: Y-Fronts)
    (Take off with T. Bag, Episode 1: Many Happy Returns)
    (Take off with T. Bag, Episode 10: Shangri-La)
  • Frank Thornton, who plays William Wagadagger, appears in two episodes throughout the nine series of T-Bag. This is his second of his two appearances.
    (T-Bag Bounces Back, Episode 3: Ivan The Horrible)
  • The multi-coloured dress worn seen as T. Bag steals the spoons from Sally near the end of the episode was used in three other episodes, as worn by Long John Sylvia, Mrs Merry and Rum Barbara.
    (T-Bag Strikes Again, Episode 7: Long John Sylvia)
    (T-Bag Bounces Back, Episode 4: Black Hearted Belle)
    (T. Bag and The Rings of Olympus, Episode 4: Rum Barbara)
  • This episode features the character William Wagadagger whose name is a pastiche of the famous author, William Shakespeare. Other episodes also used authors as basis of their character name.
    (T. Bag's Christmas Carol)
  • T-Shirt dresses up as a girl or woman in different series, mainly to disguise himself but this time to play the female lead in the play.
    (T. Bag and The Pearls of Wisdom, Episode 8: Cedric Sackbutt's Search For A Song)
    (Take off with T. Bag, Episode 3: Bagsy Malone)
  • This episode features Queen Elizabeth who also appeared, played by Sarah Berger, in an episode of T. Bag and The Rings of Olympus.
    (T. Bag and The Rings of Olympus, Episode 9: Torture)
  • When T-Shirt meets Will Wagadagger he mentions being on stage as 'Rip Shirt'.
    (T. Bag and The Revenge of the T. Set, Episode 6: Rock Star Baby)
  • Davey Gravy is the artist whose song T-Shirt plays on his Hi-Fi (sha bam bam bam, sha boom boom boom) which is later confiscated by the Queen. Earlier in the series Saul Wright mentions that 'Davey Gravy can't do the show tonight'.
    (T. Bag and The Revenge of the T. Set, Episode 6: Rock Star Baby)
  • T-Bag, disguised as actor Tyrone Bag, mentions to Will Wagadagger about appearing in 'The Sooty Show', another Thames Television programme. Sooty was mentioned again in T. Bag's Christmas Carol and an episode of Take off with T. Bag. John Hasler also appeared in the Christmas special of 'The Sooty Show' in 1985.
    (T. Bag and The Revenge of the T. Set, Episode 2: When In Rome)
    (T. Bag's Christmas Carol)
    (Take off with T. Bag, Episode 5: Doctor Strangebag)
  • T-Bag is referred to as 'Bin Bag' in this episode, this happens numerous times throughout the series, in this episode it is T-Shirt who says 'I hope I've seen the last of that old Bin Bag'.
    (T-Bag Bounces Back, Episode 10: Happy Ending)
    (Turn on to T-Bag, Episode 8: The African Queen)
    (Turn on to T-Bag, Episode 9: Doc Leaf)
    (Turn on to T-Bag, Episode 10: Turn On To T-Bag)
    (T. Bag and The Revenge of the T. Set, Episode 8: La Boheme)
    (T. Bag and The Pearls of Wisdom, Episode 9: Play It Again, Sal)
    (T. Bag and The Pearls of Wisdom, Episode 10: The Pearls Of Wisdom)
    (T. Bag and The Rings of Olympus, Episode 10: Return To Olympus)
    (T. Bag and The Sunstones of Montezuma, Episode 6: Ra Ra Rasputin)
    (T. Bag and The Sunstones of Montezuma, Episode 7: One Million Years B.C.)