T. Bag And The Revenge Of The T. Set Episode 5: Hazel Knutt's Muesli Bar

Sally arrives in the mountains of Austria in Hazel Knutt’s Muesli Bar. In a castle elsewhere in the valley Wolfgang Krimper is working on a cure for old age.
The High-T Website synopsis

Soup of the Day

Hazel Knutt: What do you fancy? We have nut cutlets, nut pie, nut rissoles, nut burgers in a nutty bun, nut loaf, nut bake in a nut sauce, nut flan, nut curry, nut quiche, chopped nut salad with three kinds of nut, nut burgers in a nutty bun, nut cake, nut slice, nut crumble, nut pudding and nut delight with extra nuts. Oh and to start, soup of the day which today is... erm...
Sally: Nut?
Hazel Knutt: Fish!
Sally: That all sounds delicious but I don’t have any money.
Hazel Knutt: Oh you poor thing, why you can’t not eat. Look I have some left-overs left over, I’ll rustle something up.
Sally: Really?
Hazel Knutt: Of course really, certainly really.
Sally: Oh that’s great of you, thanks er...
Hazel Knutt: Hazel.
Sally: Hazel.
Hazel Knutt: Hazel Knutt.
Sally: Of course, what else, I’m Sally.

A keen collector

(A severe storm rages outside with thunder and lightning).
Hazel Knutt: Oh, what a night.
Sally: Phew, that was great Hazel, thanks a lot. Hazel that's what I'm after, that spoon, I don't believe it.
Hazel Knutt: Eh? What? Eh?
Sally: That's why I came here, oh Hazel, can I have it, you've no idea how important it is.
Hazel Knutt: Well, it's always nice to see somebody happy, go on then.
Sally: Brilliant.
Hazel Knutt: I'm sorry I haven't anymore like that, you're obviously a keen collector.
Sally: You said it, well I really must go now, thanks again.
Hazel Knutt: Whoa, you can't go traipsing off at this hour.
Sally: But I must.
Hazel Knutt: It's terrible out there.
Sally: I'll be alright.
(Lightning flashes outside).
Hazel Knutt: You're staying the night here.
Sally: But. Well I am a bit tired, I haven't slept for ages.
Hazel Knutt: There's a spare bed out the back, you can have that. Ah, your spoons.
Sally: I might get them stolen.
Hazel Knutt: Well if that's all that's worrying you, why don't you let me lock up your bag in my safe?
Sally: But.
Hazel Knutt: Oh don't you trust me?
Sally: Oh I do trust you Hazel.
Hazel Knutt: Well, give it to me then. Off you go, through there on the left.
Sally: I can't thank you enough, good night.
Hazel Knutt: Night, night, sleep tight. What a sweet girl. Ah, she can have these tomorrow. Now just clear this lot away.
(Hazel Knutt walks off and a young Herr Krimper walks in).
Herr Krimper: Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Donna and wolf Blitzen, this storm is great fun, ha, ha. What sort of place is this then? Hello, oh, ohhhh, bickies, oh wunderbar, I'm famished. Cor blimey, these bickies are good, ha, ha. Blow winds and crack your cheeks. Rage winds a blow!
(Hazel Knutt walks back in after the young Herr Krimper has left).
Hazel Knutt: The bag, oh, the bag. Oh. I've got to get it back.

Added: 04/04/2015

Out like a light

Sally: Morning.
Hazel Knutt: Ah. Morning.
Sally: What a great night sleep, out like a light.
Hazel Knutt: Good, erm.
Sally: How about you? Sleep well?
Hazel Knutt: No, I didn't sleep a wink.
Sally: Oh dear, why not?
Hazel Knutt: You better sit down.
Sally: Uh-oh.
Hazel Knutt: Now don't be angry with me.
Sally: My bag.
Hazel Knutt: It wasn't my fault.
Sally: My bag.
Hazel Knutt: I only left it for a second.
Sally: My bag.
Hazel Knutt: It's gone.
Sally: Gone.
Hazel Knutt: I'm sorry....
Sally: Ohhh.
Hazel Knutt: ... I'm so, so, sorry.
Sally: Calm down Hazel.
Hazel Knutt: I'm sorry, Sorry, I'm so sorry.
Sally: Now tell me what happened.

Added: 04/04/2020

Hurty Wurty Figgy Wiggy

T-Bag: What's that, the bag, you've found Sally's bag, ohh you clever little lad, I take it all back, well done T-Shirt, gimme gimme gimme, gimme the bag (T-Shirt bites her finger) Arrrgghhh.
T-Shirt: Hurty wurty figgy wiggy ha ha ha.
T-Bag: How dare you bite me you little fiend!

A big bouncing boy

Hazel Knutt: Oh!
T-Shirt: (gurgles) Bickies (gurgles).
Hazel Knutt: Where did you spring from? You're a big bouncing boy. Where's your mummy?
T-Shirt: Bickies (gurgles).
Hazel Knutt: Please.
T-Shirt: Pease.
Hazel Knutt: Ahhh. The bag! How did you get zat?
T-Shirt: More bickie pease.
Hazel Knutt: Uh-huh. Give me the bag, that's the way.
T-Shirt: Me bag.
Hazel Knutt: Ah, good baby. Ah, would you like some more of Auntie Hazel's scrummy yummy nutty bickies?
T-Shirt: Mmm.
Hazel Knutt: Yah.
T-Shirt: Bickies.
Hazel Knutt: Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.
T-Shirt: Pease.
Hazel Knutt: You give Auntie Hazel the baggy waggy and Auntie Hazel give you the bickie wickies.
T-Shirt: Uh-huh.
Hazel Knutt: (laughs) There's a good boy. Arhhh. (exhales) I'm going to lock this up straight away. You stay there, Auntie Hazel be back in a minute.
(Hazel leaves, T-Shirt hiccups, falls to the floor and stands up back to his normal self).
T-Shirt: What's going on? Where am I? (reads the menu) Hazel Knutt's Muesli Bar. I better get home, quick.
(T-Shirt disappears and Hazel walks back in with a teddy).
Hazel Knutt: Coo-ee, look what Auntie Hazel's brought you.

Added: 04/04/2021

Ga Ga Ga Ga Wa Ga Ga Ga Choo

T-Bag: What was all that about then?
T-Shirt: What?
T-Bag: What? Standing there as if butter wouldn't melt.
T-Shirt: What are you on about?
T-Bag: Ga ga ga ga wa ga ga ga choo.
T-Shirt: Are you feeling alright?

Oh quite a night

Sally: Hello.
Herr Krimper: Come in, come in. The door's open.
Sally: Good morning.
Herr Krimper: And good morning to you.
Sally: I'm a friend of Hazel Knutt, she told me what happened last night. It's my bag that's gone missing.
Herr Krimper: Oh yes, oh dear, oh quite a night.
Sally: Don't you have any idea where it's gone?
Herr Krimper: As I told Miss Knutt, the boy took it.
Sally: The boy that turned into the baby.
Herr Krimper: Yes and all because of this, my home brewed rejuvenating tonic. I must have made it too strong.
Sally: So where is this baby then?
Herr Krimper: I don't know, he, he just crawled off into the night with your bag.
Sally: I've got to get it back, will you help me please?
Herr Krimper: Me?
Sally: Please.
Herr Krimper: Alright. Here we don't want to have anymore little accidents with this stuff do we?
Sally: No we don't.
Herr Krimper: No. Come on.
Sally: Let's go.
Herr Krimper: Yes, come on. We will go.

Added: 04/04/2019

I don't remember

T-Bag: Think boy, think. Where did you leave the bag?
T-Shirt: I don't remember.
T-Bag: Where did you find the bag?
T-Shirt: I don't remember.
T-Bag: When you left here you had the bag over your shoulder. Think carefully, what happened to it after that?
T-Shirt: Oh, I don't remember.
T-Bag: Oh this is hopeless and what about that (holds up bandaged finger)?
T-Shirt: I don't remember.
T-Bag: Don't remember. And I don't suppose you remember coming back here like some kind of demented toddler.
T-Shirt: No.
T-Bag: Can't you even offer me a crumb of information? I mean surely to goodness.
T-Shirt: Crumb, crumb, a crumb.
T-Bag: Oh hello, something's coming through.
T-Shirt: Crumb...
T-Bag: That's my boy...
T-Shirt: Crumb...
T-Bag:... You can do it, force it out.
T-Shirt: Crumb. Biscuits! I was eating biscuits.
T-Bag: Is that it?
T-Shirt: Delicious nutty biscuits.
T-Bag: Forget the biscuits.
T-Shirt: Hazel Knutt.
T-Bag: I said forget the biscuits.
T-Shirt: She's not a biscuit, she's a woman. It's a place. Hazel Knutt's Muesli Bar. I was there.
T-Bag: Now we're getting somewhere. Think again, where's the bag?
T-Shirt: I don't remember.
T-Bag: Come on, let's go.
(T-Bag clicks her fingers and they both disappear).

Added: 04/04/2020

A much better game

T-Bag: Oh what a farce. Can't you remember anything yet? You've had about four hundred of those things.
T-Shirt: Four hundred and one.
T-Bag: Oh for crying out loud, what a waste of time. Come on, let's get back.
Hazel Knutt: Here we are.
T-Bag: What's that?
Hazel Knutt: I thought you might like something to wash down those biscuits with, so I've brought you some of my lovely nut tea.
T-Bag: Tea eh. Mmm, wouldn't say no, thank you. Mmmm, most palatable. Not like the real thing, of course, but a cuppa's a cuppa!
(Sally walks in with Herr Krimper).
Sally: Hazel, Hazel, it's me.
Herr Krimper: Huh, huh, huh.
T-Shirt: Sally!
Sally: T-Bag!
T-Bag: Simpkins!
Hazel Knutt: Oh Sally, have I got a surprise for you, wait there.
Sally: What are you doing here? As if I didn't know.
T-Bag: Oh lost your bag again have you, what a shame.
Sally: Well you haven't got it either have you, so tough.
Hazel Knutt: Surprise, surprise. Look what I got.
T-Bag, T-Shirt & Sally: The bag!
(T-Bag snatches the bag from Hazel).
Sally: No.
T-Bag: Too late again Sally Slowcoach Simpkins, four silver spoons and they're all mine. Ha, ha, ha, ha, cheers!
Hazel Knutt: Oh, what have I done? You give that girl her bag back this minute.
T-Bag: Oh put a sock in it. You know, it's really is rather good T-Shirt, make a note, we must get some of this nut tea stuff.
(Sally whispers in Herr Krimper's ear).
Hazel Knutt: But this is outrageous, you can't just go stealing things you know. That bag belongs to the girl, give it back to her.
T-Bag: How dare you speak to me like that, one more word from you and you'll get what's coming to you, do you hear? Alright T-Shirt, let's go. Goodbye, here's mud in your eye. (T-Bag sips the nut tea), Ahhhh. (T-Bag hiccups and Herr Krimper laughs). What's happening? (T-Bag hiccups again).
T-Shirt: Your Majesty what's up?
Sally: This is what's up (Sally holds up the tonic bottle).
T-Shirt: That's the stuff I drank.
Herr Krimper: Exactly, ha, ha, ha, ha.
(T-Bag hiccups, falls to the floor and jumps back up dressed as a little girl).
T-Bag: Hello everybody, my name's Tallulah, you can call me Tally. What's your name?
Sally: Er, Sally.
T-Bag: (laughs) Sally and Tally, (laughs) we could be chums you and me.
T-Shirt: Your Majesty.
T-Bag: Oh go away, we don't like boys do we, Sally my best pally (laughs).
Sally: Er no.
T-Bag: Go on, hop it.
T-Shirt: But your Majesty.
T-Bag: I said hop it (T-Bag uses her magic and T-Shirt disappears). Did I do that (laughs), what a laugh, anybody else want to vanish?
Hazel Knutt & Herr Krimper: No.
T-Bag: Oh go on you rotten old lot of spoiled sports, let's have some fun.
Sally: Er Tally.
T-Bag: What?
Sally: Do you think I could have my bag back please?
T-Bag: Who says it's your bag, might be my bag.
Herr Krimper: It's her bag alright.
T-Bag: Do you want to vanish?
Herr Krimper: Er no.
T-Bag: Well keep your big nose out of it.
Herr Krimper: Alright.
T-Bag: Hate grown ups, don't you.
Sally: Oh yes.
T-Bag: I know, let’s play a game, let’s play smash the plates!
Hazel Knutt: No, no, no, no... ah, I've got a much better game.
T-Bag: What is it?
Hazel Knutt: It's called hunt zee bag.
T-Bag: Hunt the bag, never heard of it.
Hazel Knutt: Oh it's a great game, isn't it?
Herr Krimper: A what?
Hazel Knutt: Isn't it?
Sally: Oh yes, yes, yes.
Herr Krimper: Arh, it's a great game.
Hazel Knutt: You give me the bag, then everybody close their eyes, then I hide the bag and the first one to find it is the winner.
T-Bag: Oh easy peasy, bet I could find it just like that.
(T-Bag clicks her fingers and T-Shirt reappears).
T-Shirt: Don't do it your Majesty.
T-Bag: Oh not you again. (T-Bag uses her magic and T-Shirt disappears). Here you are then, here's the bag and I bet I find it first.
Hazel Knutt: Everybody close your eyes, (Herr Krimper mumbles) no peeking. (Hazel hands the bag to Sally). Right, I have hidden the bag, everybody open your eyes.
T-Bag: Ah, am I hot, am I cold, am I freezing. What am I?
Sally: Look I found it!
T-Bag: Oh nuts, what a swizz, hunt the boring old bag, what a rotten game. You lot are no fun, I'm off to find someone else to play with. Goodbye (T-Bag disappears).
Sally: Well done Hazel, that was clever.
Hazel Knutt: I've never seen anything like it. Oh what a day.
Herr Krimper: Amazing and all because I wanted to look young again, ah, doomkopf.
Hazel Knutt: So all the fun and games are over and Sally has her bag back. Why don't we all sit down and have a proper healthy breakfast.
Herr Krimper: Ah, wunderbar.
Sally: Great.
Herr Krimper: Ha, ha. Ha, ha.
Hazel Knutt: Alright. On the breakfast menu today we have nut muesli, nut butter on nut bread, nutty nut flakes with nut milk, nut croissant, nut toast.

Added: 04/04/2020