T. Bag And The Pearls Of Wisdom Episode 7: Tut Tut

Osiris, a servant girl, makes plans with T-Shirt, who looks exactly like the prince, to sack the High Priest to get his chain with the next pearl on it.
The High-T Website synopsis

Sally searches for the missing pearls.
TV Times listing

In the next episode Sally finds herself in a tight corner. Is T-Bag really Queen of the Nile? Or is everyone heading for double trouble? Find out in T. Bag and the Pearls of Wisdom.
Next week preview (from previous episode)

Today, Sally finds herself in a tight corner. Is T-Bag really Queen of the Nile? Or is everyone heading for double trouble? Find out now.
Stay tuned preview (from start of episode)

Make it snappy

T-Bag: Ohhh, things are getting out of hand T-Shirt, and who do you suppose we have to thank for that, hmm, bow-brain.
T-Shirt: Errrrr.
T-Bag: Ohhh, don't stand there like a prized pilchard, get me my tea and make it snappy.
T-Shirt: Snappy, right!
T-Bag: That Sally Smugface Simpkins creature has won again.
(T-Shirt now has a crocodile puppet).
T-Shirt: Tea's up your Majesty.
T-Bag: Aaurrrgghhh.
T-Shirt: Raaaaarrrgh.
T-Bag: Get off, get back.
T-Shirt: Oh what's the matter with you?
T-Bag: Ohhhhhhh, oohh.
T-Shirt: Make it snappy you said, well, snap, snap.
T-Bag: Ohhhhhhh.
T-Shirt: I'm only trying to cheer you up.
T-Bag: I can't bear it.
T-Shirt: It's only a puppet.
T-Bag: Get it off.
T-Shirt: See you later, alligator.
T-Bag: Huh, I suppose you think that's funny, hey? Well I can't stand crocodiles, I have a phobia about them. When I was a kid, oh, I had a ghastly experience with one. Oh, they're ghastly creatures, all teeth and no brains. Oh you idiot, why are you always faffing around? Why can't you be more serious?

Added: 04/04/2014

All work and no play

High Priest: Why can't you be less serious?
Prince Tut: But whatever do you mean High Priest? One must be serious in order to learn.
High Priest: Yes I know that but...
Prince Tut: Do you realise that the sun must be about ninety-three million miles away?
High Priest: Yes that's extraordinary.
Prince Tut: And it's nothing more than a huge ball of hot vapour.
High Priest: Really, I.
Prince Tut: I reckon it's surface temperature has to be at least six thousand degrees. And the inside's even hotter.
High Priest: Look, you've done enough lessons for one day. You know what they say, all work and no play makes Rameses a dull boy.
Prince Tut: But I thirst for knowledge High Priest. I'm hungry to learn.
High Priest: Yes I know that but you should be enjoying yourself, having fun.
Prince Tut: But studying is fun.
High Priest: No I mean fun, fun. You know, half a pound of tuppenny rice, half a pound of treacle (pop sound), goes the weasel. You see, even if you don't enjoy yourself, have fun.
Prince Tut: Sounds stupid to me, what's the point?
High Priest: There isn't any point, that's the whole point.
Prince Tut: Huh!
High Priest: Hm, you see you've got your head buried in these scrolls all day long when you should be enjoying yourself with children of your own age.
Prince Tut: There aren't children of my age in the palace.
High Priest: Ohhh, more's the pity.
Prince Tut: So, come on, let's do a couple of hours of elementary grammar please?
High Priest: Very well.
Prince Tut: Great.
High Priest: Ohhhh.

Added: 08/12/2013

The specific gravity of the water

Prince Tut: Oh, I'm really enjoying this High Priest. Can't we do something harder next?
High Priest: Oh enough's enough, you're wearing me out.
Prince Tut: Huh.
Osiris: A thousand pardons young prince. It is time for your bath.
High Priest: Oh thank the stars for that.
Prince Tut: Oh phooey.
Osiris: Now then young man, you know you have to have your bath.
Prince Tut: Oh well, alright. I suppose it will give me a chance to calculate the specific gravity of the water.
(The Prince leaves).
High Priest: Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, why can't he play with a rubber duck like all the other boys.
Osiris: He's a bright lad.
High Priest: Of course he is, I taught him everything he knows.
Osiris: Yes High Priest. Ha, ha, huh.
High Priest: What are you laughing at?
Osiris: Huh, nothing.
High Priest: Have you no work to attend to? Here, this needs polishing.
Osiris: I shall see to it at once High Priest.
High Priest: See that you do.
Osiris: Yes High Priest. You can depend on me.

Added: 04/04/2019

My lovely little look-a-like

Osiris: Arh.
T-Shirt: Oh.
Osiris: Did the young prince enjoy his bath?
T-Shirt: Erm, I dunno, you better ask him.
Osiris: We have a little problem in the palace. I wonder if you could help us solve it?
T-Shirt: Er, yeah, sure.
Osiris: It's about the new pyramid.
T-Shirt: Oh yeah.
Osiris: Yes. The royal builders began with 23, 741 stone blocks, now 1, 326 are cracked and unusable, another 510 accidentally fell into the Nile, 77 are the wrong shape and 13 were stolen. So what they want to know is how many more blocks will they need to finish the building. I said I would ask you, you are so good at sums.
T-Shirt: Erm, right, erm, what was the question again?
Osiris: You are not the young prince. Who are you?
T-Shirt: Erm.
Osiris: I, just a minute, you look exactly like him. Ahh, that gives me an idea.
T-Shirt: Well, erm, goodbye.
Osiris: You can help me.
T-Shirt: Sorry I've got to go.
Osiris: Er, not so fast, I need you.
T-Shirt: I can't hang about.
Osiris: You can help me become the High Priestess.
T-Shirt: Sorry I'm in a hurry.
(The High Priest arrives).
High Priest: Half a pound of tuppenny rice...
Osiris: Quick, duck.
(T-Shirt hides behind some foliage before the High Priest sees him).
High Priest: ...half a pound of treacle. That's the way the money goes, goes the weasel. Osiris.
Osiris: Yes High Priest.
High Priest: The young prince is playing with that nice little girl, he is not to be disturbed for at least two hours.
T-Shirt: The pearl.
Osiris: Very well.
High Priest: Good. Pop goes the weasel, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
(The High Priest leaves and T-Shirt comes out from his hiding place).
T-Shirt: Who was that?
Osiris: That, my lovely little look-a-like, was the High Priest.
T-Shirt: That chain round his neck.
Osiris: I could be wearing that with your help. Say that you'll help me.
T-Shirt: Alright I'll help you.
Osiris: Wonderful.
T-Shirt: If.
Osiris: If?
T-Shirt: If I can have that pearl that's on the chain.
Osiris: Is that all? The pearl is yours if you listen to me and do exactly as I say.

Added: 04/04/2015

Inter-dimensional transference

Prince Tut: 990, 991, 992.
(T-Bag sees Tut in her saucer and thinks it is T-Shirt).
T-Bag: Oh T-Shirt. What is that ridiculous child up to now? Oh come back here T-Shirt.
(T-Bag uses her magic to make Tut appear in the T-Room).
Prince Tut: 999, 1000. Here I come, ready or not. Oh, ohhh, where am I?
T-Bag: Oh stop mucking about, where's that pearl?
Prince Tut: What an extraordinary thing.
T-Bag: What?
Prince Tut: Some kind of inter-dimensional transference I'd say.
T-Bag: What?
Prince Tut: Look at this place, I've never seen anything like it in my life. Amazing, simply amazing.

Added: 04/04/2022

What you have to do

Sally: Come on, come on, where are you?
Osiris: Oooooh, now are you sure you're clear about what you have to do?
T-Shirt: Yep, erm, you're going to get rid of the prince, then I'm going to take his place, then I'm going to sack the High Priest and give his job to you. Simple pimple.
Osiris: Good boy T-Shirt, good boy.
T-Shirt: Sally.
Sally: Ohhhh.
Osiris: Oh.
Sally: Let go of me, get off. Ohhh.
Osiris: Well look who's here.
Sally: Help! High Priest.
T-Shirt: What are you going to do with her?
Osiris: Quick, push the base of that, over there. (T-Shirt hits the button with his foot) Now, get in there (The secret door has opened and Osiris pushes Sally inside). Again (T-Shirt hits the button and it begins to close).
Sally (shouting off screen): Help! High Priest. Prince. Please somebody, help! Please.
Osiris: Well, we shan't be hearing anymore from her. Come on T-Shirt, let's away and do the deed. Prince, Prince, where are you?

Added: 04/04/2020

Queen Nefertiti of the Upper Nile

(T-Bag appears as an Egyptian Queen, the High Priest then walks in trying to find the Prince).
High Priest: Princey, Princey, Princey, Princey. Huh, who are you?
T-Bag: Oh, what? (T-Bag notices the pearl on his chain) Huuuurrrrrggghhhh.
High Priest: Are you alright?
T-Bag: Of course I'm alright, I've never felt better in my life. Allow me to introduce myself, I am her Royal Highness Queen Nefertiti of the Upper Nile.
High Priest: No.
T-Bag: Oh yes.
High Priest: A thousand welcomes oh great Queen.
T-Bag: I should say so.
High Priest: Er, I'd like to introduce you to the young Prince but eh, I seem to have mislaid him for the moment, eh, excuse me.
T-Bag: It's not him I'm interested in, it's you.
High Priest: Yeh, excuse me, erm.
T-Bag: Ohhhh, you stupid old...
High Priest: Fool?
T-Bag: Exactly.
High Priest: Yep, er, Princey, Princey.

Added: 04/04/2024

The spirits of Ancient Egypt

Osiris: Where is the little weasel?
T-Shirt: I've an idea, leave it to me, I'll be back in a jiffy.
(T-Shirt uses his magic and disappears).
Osiris: By the spirits of Ancient Egypt.

Added: 04/04/2020

A new High Priestess

Osiris: T-Shirt?
Prince Tut: No, wow, mind-boggling stuff all of this, such fun eh?
Osiris: You little toad.
Prince Tut: Arggh, arrrgh, arrgghh, argh.
(T-Shirt appears).
Osiris: T-Shirt, open the panel.
Prince Tut: Oh. What is going on here?
Osiris: You, get in there.
Sally (shouting off screen): Help, help.
Osiris: I think it's time the Palace had a new High Priestess.

Added: 04/04/2020