Turn On To T-Bag Episode 8: The African Queen

Holly arrives on a cargo ship where she hides from Mr Grimes but she gets caught and he takes her to the captain, Berthda Boat. T-Bag teaches T-Shirt how to put people in his power but when he puts T-Bag in his power he makes her act like a child. When they go to the cargo ship T-Bag meets up with Mr Grimes they steal Holly’s bag of crystals from the chest they were locked up in.
The High-T Website synopsis

On board the African Queen, Holly falls foul of a sailor named Grimes, who hates children. He is also a crook and when he discovers the bag of crystals Holly has in her possession, he sets out to deprive her of them. T-Bag and T-Shirt arrive on the boat and try to do the same thing – but whenever someone claps his hands T-Bag starts to behave very strangely. Fortunately for Holly, Bertha Bote, the captain of the ship, becomes her friend.
TV Times listing

What about Ted?

T-Shirt: When I count to three, you will be in my power, one... two... three...
T-Bag: T-Shirt. Oh there you are, what is...
T-Shirt: Shhhhh.
T-Bag: What is it?
T-Shirt: Look at Ted.
T-Bag: What about Ted?
T-Shirt: Can't you tell?
T-Bag: Tell what?
T-Shirt: He's in my power.
T-Bag: Is he really? Oh for Pete's sake.
T-Shirt: Oi.
T-Bag: Playing with Teddy bears at your age, it's ridiculous. Why can't you grow up? When I was your age I wasn't interested in such rubbish. I had far better ways of occupying myself.
T-Shirt: Did she hurt you Ted? Did you bump your head? Poor old Ted.
T-Bag: Pathetic beyond belief, you're such a baby.
T-Shirt: No I'm not.
T-Bag: You're far too old to be playing with a stupid teddy bear.
T-Shirt: Well I've got nobody else to play with have I? You won't play with me.
T-Bag: I've no time for playing, not with Madam mischief on the loose. Things are getting desperate now.
T-Shirt: Play with me.
T-Bag: Scram.
T-Shirt: Let me try to put you in my power.
T-Bag: Beat it, I said.
T-Shirt: You are feeling my power.
T-Bag: And you'll be feeling the back of my hand in a minute, now help me to find the horrible Holly (T-Bag uses her magic to turn the TV on where she sees Holly on the ship). And there she is, ferreting around, nose into everything as usual. Ooooh, how I hate her.
T-Shirt: Teach me how to do it, you're good at it.
T-Bag: T-Shirt.

Added: 04/04/2016

Little intelligence

T-Bag: Right that's her out of my hair for a while, now what?
T-Shirt: Go on your Majesty, teach me how to put people in my power.
T-Bag: Why?
T-Shirt: I want to be like you, I think it's great what you do to people, get them to do anything you like, wrap them round your little finger, it's very impressive.
T-Bag: Of course it's impressive but it's way beyond your reach, you're not up to it.
T-Shirt: But if you taught me, you're a great teacher your Majesty.
T-Bag: True.
T-Shirt: You could do it, I know you could.
T-Bag: Well?
T-Shirt: One quick lesson.
T-Bag: Well alright then but you must concentrate.
T-Shirt: I will, I will.
T-Bag: Well the first thing you have do is clear your brain of any thoughts. That shouldn't pose any problems should it?
T-Shirt: No.
T-Bag: No, then reach down inside yourself and feel the magic power and then (clicks finger) and you've done it.
T-Shirt: There's just one problem.
T-Bag: What's that?
T-Shirt: I can't do that (tries to click fingers).
T-Bag: Oh for heavens sake, anything then, clap your hands.
T-Shirt: Oh I can clap my hands.
T-Bag: Well that's it.
T-Shirt: Oh but you haven't told me how to undo the spell.
T-Bag: It's obvious isn't it? Same again. (claps) In your power, (claps) out, (claps) in, (claps) out, are you following this?
T-Shirt: I think so, can I try it out on you?
T-Bag: You must be joking.
T-Shirt: I've got to try it out.
T-Bag: Not on me you don't. You have to start with something simple and work your way up. Something of little intelligence.
T-Shirt: Little intelligence?
T-Bag: Yes something really slow witted, thick.
T-Shirt: Like what?
T-Bag: Like this.
(Gilbert appears on the table by magic).
T-Shirt: That's Gilbert, Professor Sparks' guinea pig.
T-Bag: Well that's pretty thick, practice on that. I'm going to relax now that, that loathsome girl is out of my hair.

Added: 04/04/2014

You are in my power

T-Shirt: Sorry about this Gilbert but I have to start on something with little intelligence. Now, I'm reaching deep down inside me for the magic power (T-Bag snores), you are in my power, when I clap my hands you will do everything I tell you. (T-Shirt claps his hands and T-Bag wakes up hypnotized). You are feeling very light, your whole body is weightless, you feel as if you could fly. Concentrate now, you're starting to float in the air, rise, rise , rise. (T-Bag floats upwards), rise? Oh this rubbish, it doesn't work, what am I doing wrong your Majesty? (He notices T-Bag is in the air) Your Majesty, come down, I didn't mean you, come down. Oh what do I have to do to get you down? Oh yes, that's it, I clap my hands. Now your Majesty, when you hear a clap you'll come out of the spell (he claps).
T-Bag: Arrrrgggghhhhhh! (T-Bag falls to the floor).
T-Shirt: Now don't throw a wobbly your Majesty.
T-Bag: That's it, that's it, come here, I'm going to wring your neck.
T-Shirt: Get back.
T-Bag: Wait 'til I get my hands on you.
T-Shirt: No.
T-Bag: I've had all I can take, I can't take anymore.
(He claps and T-Bag is hypnotized again, he pulls a funny face to check her reaction).
T-Shirt: This could be a bit of a laugh, I think I could enjoy this.

Added: 06/06/2015

I am no longer a grown up

T-Shirt: Hey Baggy pants.
T-Bag: Yes Sir.
T-Shirt: Another knickerbockerglory.
T-Bag: At once Sir.
T-Shirt: Oh and a nice juicy carrot for my friend Gilbert here.
T-Bag: Right away Sir.
T-Shirt: Thank you Bin Bag.
T-Bag: My pleasure Sir.
T-Shirt: Hmm, this is the life.
T-Bag: Does Sir require anything else?
T-Shirt: Funny you should ask that, yes I do. I'm fed up having no-one to play with. I want you to play with me.
T-Bag: I'd be delighted Sir but wouldn't Sir prefer someone his own age?
T-Shirt: You're right but there isn't anyone else, unless.
T-Bag: Unless what?
T-Shirt: Repeat after me, (T-Shirt uses his magic to hypnotise T-Bag) I am no longer a grown up.
T-Bag: I am no longer a grown up.
T-Shirt: I am a child.
T-Bag: I am a child.
T-Shirt: I love fun and games and having a good laugh.
T-Bag: I love fun and games and having a good laugh.
T-Shirt: Great it's worked.
T-Bag: Great it's worked.
T-Shirt: Ok you can stop repeating me now.
T-Bag: Ok you can stop repeating me now.
T-Shirt: Stop it.
T-Bag: Stop it.
T-Shirt: That's enough.
T-Bag: Will you be my friend? What games shall we play? Have you got any toys? Oh, I can't play anything dressed like this. (T-Shirt uses his magic to change T-Bag’s dress) That's better, oh, is this your football? Catch.
T-Shirt: Steady on.
T-Bag: (Laughs) What shall we break now?
T-Shirt: Nothing. That's enough.
T-Bag: Oh don't be such a stick in the mud, let's have a giggle (she smears the ice cream over T-Shirt's face and laughs).
T-Shirt: Stop that.
T-Bag: Cry baby Bunting.
T-Shirt: Alright, enough's enough.
T-Bag: Right wet blanket you are. Do you want to see me juggle?
T-Shirt: No! (T-Bag tries to juggle the plates but drops them on the floor).
T-Bag: Whoops! (Laughs) Silly me (laughs).
T-Shirt: Look, don't touch anything else. I'll go get my Snakes and Ladders set and we can have a nice quiet game.
(T-Shirt walks off).
T-Bag: Snakes and boring old Ladders, I could beat you at Snakes and Ladders just like that (clicks fingers and she disappears). Oh (she reappears, disappears and reappears. Then T-Bag makes the knickerbockerglory disappear and reappear twice). Oh, I can do anything. (T-Bag sees Mr Grimes trying to break into the chest on the TV screen). Oh that looks like a laugh, I fancy a go at that.

Added: 04/04/2023/P>

A bit of smart detective work

Bertha Bote: Oh dear, oh dear.
(T-Shirt appears).
Holly: T-Shirt.
Bertha Bote: What the?
Holly: I might have known, surprise, surprise, give me back my bag you little weasel.
T-Shirt: I haven't got your rotten bag, have I?
Holly: Don't give us that, of course you've got it.
Bertha Bote: Well if he says he hasn't got it Holly.
Holly: It's written all over his face, don't let him pull the wool over your eyes Bertha, he's the thief alright.
T-Shirt: No I'm not.
Holly: Who is then?
T-Shirt: I don't know do I? I only just got here.
Holly: Well I'm going to search this ship from top to bottom 'til I get my crystals back. (Holly leaves).
T-Shirt: Oh poor little girl, lost her crystals, isn't that terrible?
Bertha Bote: I feel it's all my fault.
T-Shirt: I'll help her get her bag back.
Bertha Bote: How?
T-Shirt: Leave it to me. A bit of smart detective work, that's what we need here.

Added: 04/04/2015