Turn On To T-Bag Episode 2: Gangsters

Holly arrives in the next programme, a gangster movie, a jewellery store has been robbed by Big Ed Malone, he hides the loot in Holly’s bag with the crystal. When T-Bag tells Police Chief O’ Reilly that Holly was accomplice to the robbery she gets locked in jail.
The High-T Website synopsis

My own theme music

T-Bag: Look at her, look at her! Little busy-body sticking her nose in where she's not wanted. If we're not careful T-Shirt, this one could undermine our entire operation. Blast and double blast! Trust my luck to get landed with another meddlesome miss. Deborah was bad enough but this one! Ooouh!
T-Shirt: Relax Your Majesty, don't get so worked up, you take things far too serious you know.
T-Bag: You stupid boy, this is serious, can't you grasp the situation. If she gets all nine of those crystals I'd shudder to think what would happen.
T-Shirt: She'll never find them.
T-Bag: Oh, where I have I heard that before? I can't afford to let her out of my sight for a minute, so while I'm keeping tabs on Miss trouble you can see to that lot.
T-Shirt: What is it?
T-Bag: I can't start broadcasting to the nation unless I'm properly prepared, can I? It's a list of all the things I'll need, now see to it.
T-Shirt (reading the list): Music, publicity, photographs, script, titles.
T-Bag: Don't read it, do it.
T-Shirt: Do what?
T-Bag: Oh, show some initiative boy, start at the top and work your way through.
T-Shirt: Music.
T-Bag: Yes, music. I'll need to have my own theme music if I'm going to have my own show, won't I? See what you can rustle up.
T-Shirt: Ok.
T-Bag: Now Miss Holly Anna Jones, let's see what you're up to.

Added: 04/04/2013

A severe misinterpretation of the truth

Big Ed Malone: Uh-oh!
Police Chief O' Reilly: Big Ed Malone, I might have guessed you'd be here. Funny but whenevers there's trouble you're never far away.
Big Ed Malone: Ah Police Chief O' Reilly, gimme a break huh, I mean what are you intimidating here? I hope you do not think I had anything to do with that very terrible jewellery store robbery.
Police Chief O' Reilly: Don't you play the giddy goat with me Malone. I wouldn't be surprised in the slightest least if you weren't in this up to your armpits.
Big Ed Malone: Now that is a severe misinterpretation of the truth Police Chief O' Reilly.
Holly: No, I think the man you're after went climbing over that roof, up there.
Big Ed Malone: Yeah, up there.
Police Chief O' Reilly: What?
Holly: Yes, up there. I didn't actually see him myself...
Police Chief O' Reilly: Oh but the hokey.
Holly:... but I'm sure he was up.
Police Chief O' Reilly: Get out from under my feet will ya? This is serious business I'm attending to.
Holly: But if you hurry you might catch him.
Police Chief O' Reilly: Look, off you go whilst I have a cosy chinwag with this nice gentleman here.
Holly: But if you hurry.
Police Chief O' Reilly: Scram will ya?
Holly: Oh well, if you insist.
Big Ed Malone: Well I better go along with you little lady.
(Holly leaves).
Police Chief O' Reilly: Hold your horses Malone, you're going nowhere.
Big Ed Malone: Yeh, yeh, yeh, but.
Police Chief O' Reilly: Not until I search ya at least.
Big Ed Malone: Er, I would be very happy for you to, er, do that but make it fast uh. I have very urgent business of a most important nature to attend to, uh. See what did I tell ya, huh, I'm as clean as a whistle. Now may I go?
Police Chief O' Reilly: I'm not satisfied.
Big Ed Malone: O' Reilly, do me a favour.
Police Chief O' Reilly: Now t'en, where weres ya at three o' clock this afternoon?

Added: 04/04/2019

Large as life and twice as devious

Police Chief O' Reilly: But the hokey.
T-Bag: Oh pardon me officer, did I startle you?
Police Chief O' Reilly: No you didn't, what is it that your after?
T-Bag: Well I work as the hat check girl down at the Kit Kat Club on thirty second street, see?
Police Chief O' Reilly: So what?
T-Bag: Well it so happens that everyday about three o'clock I come outta the subway on second avenue to take a bus down to thirty second street where I work.
Police Chief O' Reilly: Listen lady, what is it that you want? I'm a very busy man. I've no time to waste, listening to you squawking in me ear.
T-Bag: That's charming, I don't think. That's what you get for going outta your way to help the Police.
Police Chief O' Reilly: Some help! Having you blathering away twenty to the dozen.
T-Bag: Ha! Well if you don't wanna know what I saw happening on second avenue this afternoon at the jewellery store then that's no skin off my nose.
Police Chief O' Reilly: Jewellery store, tch, tch, tch, tch, bu, but the hokey. You mean you were there, at the scene of the crime?
T-Bag: I certainly was but of course, you're far too busy to listen to me squawking ain't ya?
Police Chief O' Reilly: Oh no. No, no, no. Here Madam, have a seat. Have a cup of coffee.
T-Bag: I never touch the stuff.
Police Chief O' Reilly: What's that?
T-Bag: I never touch the stuff.
Police Chief O' Reilly: That's what I thought you said. Right tell me all about it.
T-Bag: Well, there was I, standing at the bus stop, painting my fingernails when all of a sudden, boom!
Police Chief O' Reilly: What happened?
T-Bag: I got nail varnish all over my brand new patent leather shoes, that's what happened.
Police Chief O' Reilly: No, no, I mean did you catch sight of the thief?
T-Bag: I surely did.
Police Chief O' Reilly: Oh, can you describe him?
T-Bag: No.
Police Chief O' Reilly: Ohh!
T-Bag: However...
Police Chief O' Reilly: Yes?
T-Bag: I can describe his accomplice.
Police Chief O' Reilly: He had an accomplice?
T-Bag: I'll say.
Police Chief O' Reilly: Great, shoot.
T-Bag: Well she was a little girl, about so high.
Police Chief O' Reilly: Girl?
T-Bag: That's right, with brown hair and wearing a hideous pink outfit.
Police Chief O' Reilly: Amazing.
T-Bag: She has all the stolen diamonds in her bag.
Police Chief O' Reilly: Oh but the double hokey, I've seen her, as large as life and twice as devious, outside Toni's Ice Cream Parlour. Oh thanks for the information lady, you've been a big help, thank you.
(Police Chief O' Reilly leaves).
T-Bag: The pleasure was all mine.

Added: 04/04/2017

A stroke of brilliance

(T-Shirt is playing the violin badly).
T-Bag: That's got that hateful horrible Holly out of my hair. A stroke of brilliance on my part wouldn't you say so T-Shirt?
T-Shirt: Right, I've cracked it now your Majesty. Pin back your ears, get a load of this. (He begins to play the violin). T-Bag...
T-Bag: Shut up! Oh this is murder, go and annoy somebody else with that thing.
T-Shirt: You know what your trouble is don't you? You don't appreciate good music well I'm going somewhere where they do.
T-Bag: Don't hurry back.

Added: 04/04/2022

A machine gun in a violin case

(Big Ed Malone is on the telephone).
Big Ed Malone: Don't worry boss, I will have the merchandise for you in the not too distant future. You sent who to get the diamonds from me? Little Legs Lawson, he's what? He's the meanest piece o' work on the east coast. He did what to his Grandmother? Oh boy, that's terrible. Er, hey boss, er, apart from the little legs, how will I recognise this Little Legs Lawson? 4 foot 7 and a half inches of pure badness... carrying a machine gun in a violin case... yeah I got that. Yeah, he sounds really delightful. Yeah, don't worry boss, I'll get it all for you.
(Hangs up the telephone).
Big Ed Malone: 4 foot 7 and a half inches, machine gun in a violin case.
(T-Shirt appears with his violin case).
T-Shirt: Hello.
Big Ed Malone: Eh, hi, hup, hup, 4 foot 7 and a half inches, violin case.
T-Shirt: You what?
Big Ed Malone: Er, nothing, nothing. I was just admiring your violin case.
T-Shirt: Oh yeah, I'm a real killer with this thing.
Big Ed Malone: Yeah, yeah, I bet you are.
T-Shirt: Certain people call it murder but what do they know?
Big Ed Malone: Yeah, what do they know? They know nothing, that's what they know.
T-Shirt: That's right, how would you like a quick burst.
Big Ed Malone: No, no, eh, eh, listen buddy, how would you like a nice ice cream to cool you down a bit huh? What do you say?
T-Shirt: Ice cream, great, thanks.
Big Ed Malone: In there, eh, take all the time you want huh. Eh, hey Tony.
Tony (voice): Hello.
Big Ed Malone: Eh, give my little friend here the works huh. Double of everything.
Tony (voice): Right-o.
Big Ed Malone: Great. In there.
(T-Shirt walks into the Ice cream Parlour).
Big Ed Malone: Oh boy, what am I gonna do? What am I gonna do? (Clicks fingers) Got it. (Picks up the telephone). Hello operator, get me the Police department.

Added: 04/04/2015

Little stay in jail

(Big Ed Malone has dynamite strapped to the safe with a trail of wire across the floor to a plunger).
Big Ed Malone: (Laughs) There, all ready to go.
(T-Bag appears).
T-Bag: What's going on here, hey?
(Ed mumbles).
T-Bag: Speak up, what's the game?
(Ed mumbles).
T-Bag: Hello my dear, enjoying your little stay in jail are you? Good, fine!
Holly: You got me into this mess, didn't you!
T-Bag: Did I? Yes, I suppose I did.
Holly: I hate you!
T-Bag: The feeling's entirely mutual I can assure you. Now then Mister, what's going on?
(Ed mumbles and T-Bag notices her shoe ribbon is undone).
T-Bag: Can't be having this, can we?
(T-Bag lifts her foot and places it near the dynamite plunger).
Big Ed Malone: Oh no!
(T-Bag pushes her foot down on the plunger).

Added: 04/04/2014