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I had a bath last week
T-Bag: T-Shirt. T-Shirt.
T-Shirt (Off screen): What?
T-Bag: I'm not telling you again, get up now.
(T-Shirt walks in).
T-Shirt: What are you dragging me out of bed at this time for eh?
T-Bag: Good morning Rip Van Winkle, up at the crack of noon as usual.
T-Shirt: I'm going back to sleep.
T-Bag: You're doing nothing of the no-such which. There's a lot to be done today, that horrible Holly has got to be stopped.
T-Shirt: Ah breakfast.
T-Bag: Sorry you're too late. Breakfast is over. Now go and have your bath.
T-Shirt: Bath? I had a bath last week.
T-Bag: Precisely now get in there and don't be long I want one after you.
T-Shirt: But I don't want a...
T-Bag: Bath.
Added: 04/04/2019
You've forgotten my birthday
Krystle: Eat some breakfast J.R. You can't go to work on an empty stomach.
J.R: Hmm.
Krystle: J.R.
J.R: What's that dear.
Krystle: You've been up half the night scrubbing away on that thing. Stop and have some breakfast.
J.R: I can't stop Krystle dear, it's, I've got to finish writing this jingle.
Krystle: Why J.R. Sudd, all you ever do is work, work, work, work, work.
J.R: Look, this commercial has to be in the can by four o'clock 'cause that's when it's being transmitted.
Krystle: So what?
J.R: So, if this Bubble boy campaign catches on, everyone'll be out to buy Sudd's soap and we'll be even richer and that is so what.
Krystle: You spend so much time on that stuff I'll bet you've even forgot what day it is.
J.R: Hmm, what about this? I'm the Bubble Boy kid, I'm clean and neat, from the top of my head to the soles of my feet. Hmm, so far so good.
Krystle: I'll bet you've forgotten all about it.
J.R: Now no-one makes soap like Sudds.
Krystle: You have, haven't you?
J.R: Sudds? Now what rhymes with Sudd?
Krystle: Mud.
J.R: No-one makes soap like Sudds, that's why I use mud. No doubt, that's no good at all.
Krystle: J.R. you've forgotten my birthday haven't you?
J.R: What birthday?
Krystle: I knew it, I knew it.
J.R: Ohhh, I haven't forgotten your bir... how could I forget your birthday? Hmm, Happy Birthday.
Krystle: You did forget.
J.R: No I didn't.
Krystle: Where's my present then?
J.R: Present, ah. oh, now, uh, darn it, I left it at work.
Krystle: Work!
J.R: Wait 'til you see it, oh you'll love it.
Krystle: What is it?
J.R: It is a surprise. I'm going to give it to you right after we've finished doing the Bubble Boy commercial.
Krystle: Blow the Bubble Boy, just you be home in time for the dinner party tonight.
J.R: What dinner party?
Krystle: Oh I don't believe this.
J.R: Oh you mean the dinner party.
Krystle: I hope you haven't forgotten to book a girl to help out.
J.R: Ohhhh, darn it, hasn't she turned up? Isn't that typical, now you just can't trust anybody. Oh look at the time, I'm sorry sweetness, I've got to dash.
Krystle: Don't you be late now.
(Krystle goes inside and Holly appears).
J.R: Ahhh!
Holly: Ooh.
J.R: I'm sorry I'm in a bit of a hurry.
Holly: I wondered if you could help me.
J.R: What?
Holly: It'll only take a second.
J.R: Oh alright but just be quick, I've got to go.
Holly: I'm looking for a crystal.
J.R: Oh Krystle, sure, right inside.
Holly: Great.
J.R: Er, are you who I think you are?
Holly: I don't know.
J.R: Well now sure you are. Well you now stay here, my wife will be right out, she'll tell you what to do, I got to fly.
Holly: Thanks a lot.
J.R: No thank you. You know, I must have ordered that girl after all. Huuuurhh, my memory's getting worse by the day.
Holly: I can't believe my luck. This will be the fourth crystal, soon I'll get the fifth and... Look out T-Bag!
Added: 04/04/2015
I've lost the soap
T-Bag: How long can it take to have a bath? Haven't you finished yet?
T-Shirt (off screen): I've lost the soap.
T-Bag: Oh for crying out loud, get out of there! The whole morning's slipping away and we've done sweet tickity-boo about getting rid of the hateful Holly. It's not good enough. Me stuck out here waiting for my bath and you're fooling around in there.
(Mimicking T-Shirt) 'I've lost the soap.' Stupid boy, out of my way.
T-Shirt: It could have dropped onto the floor, I suppose.
T-Bag (off screen): Aaarrggghhh!
T-Shirt: You found it then.
Added: 04/04/2013
PJ from LA
Krystle: My heavens, what is going on?
T-Bag: Well, hello.
Krystle: Who are you?
T-Bag: Who are we?
(to T-Shirt) Who are we?
T-Shirt: I don't know, who are we?
Krystle: Yes, JR never mentioned you.
T-Shirt: JR? Oh, yes. I'm TS, Ma'am.
Krystle: TS?
T-Shirt: I'm a friend of PJ.
T-Bag: Good old PJ.
Krystle: PJ?
T-Bag: PJ from NBC?
Krystle: Oh, I see.
T-Bag: No, NBC. You must know PJ from LA.
Krystle: Sure.
Added: 04/04/2012
Typical isn't it?
T-Bag: So you see, at the AGM, ER said OK to FB, got in his MG and went AWOL with a VIP from the UN. Typical isn't it?
Krystle: Yeah, typical.
T-Shirt: That's why we're here.
Krystle: Oh, why don't you sit down and make yourself at home. In fact you are just in time to watch my Husband's new soap commercial on the TV.
T-Shirt: Soap commercial?
Krystle: You'll just adore this, and it was me that discovered the star of the show, she's so cute, you'll just adore her.
Holly (heard on TV as the Bubble Girl Kid): La la la la la la la la la. La la la la la la la la la. I'm the Bubble Girl Kid; I'm clean and neat, from the top of my head to the soles of my feet...
T-Bag: Figs and fairycakes, what is going on here?
Krystle: Isn't she just too divine?
T-Shirt: Wherever Holly is the crystal is. Told you it wasn't here didn't I? It's in the TV studio like I said.
T-Bag: What are we hanging around here for then? You
(to Krystle) you're coming with us.
Krystle: I am?
Added: 04/04/2012
I'm all washed up
J.R: Oh, bravo, magnificent, fantastic.
Holly: Thank you. I'll just go and get changed.
J.R: Oh well, that's one problem solved. Now what's next? Oh-p yep, the birthday, coo-wee, well now she ought'a be happy with that.
(T-Bag, T-Shirt and Krystle appear by magic in the studio).
J.R: Aaurggh.
Krystle: What happened?
T-Bag: Quiet!
J.R: Bubble Boy!
Krystle: J.R.!
Holly: T-Bag!
T-Shirt: Holly!
Holly: T-Shirt!
J.R: Krystle!
T-Bag: Shut up! Did somebody say crystal?
T-Shirt: Told you it was here.
T-Bag: Well get it then.
T-Shirt: Here.
T-Bag: Excellent.
Holly: Oh no.
T-Bag: Oh yes Miss clever clogs, smarty-pants. What have I got here? The next missing crystal, that's what. Hee, he, he, he, clever me, that'll teach you to go showing off, I saw you
(mimicking Holly) I'm the Bubble Girl kid I'm an insolent pup, but now I'm down in the dumps cause I'm all washed up! Ha, ha, ha, come on T-Shirt, let's go home and celebrate.
(T-Bag takes a bite from the 'soap' apple) .
T-Shirt: No!
(T-Bag and T-Shirt disappear).
J.R: Oh-ai, would someone kindly explain to me what is going on?
Added: 04/04/2013
A new yacht
Holly: So you mean I've been slogging away all day for nothing, great. Oh, what's the use anyway, T-Bag's won and that's that.
Krystle: But you've done a lovely job for me, my birthday party's gonna be a great success.
J.R: Oh your birthday, oh sorry doll. Happy Birthday, here's your present, I'm sorry I didn't have time to wrap it.
Krystle: Hmmm.
J.R: What's the matter, don't you like it?
Krystle: Well, to tell you the truth I was hoping for a new yacht.
J.R: A yacht, that's no problem, we'll pick one up on the way after we've bought the toothpicks.
Krystle: Can we?
J.R: No sweat.
Krystle: Ohhh, say would you like this? I know it's not much but...
Holly: Would I? Thanks. I don't believe it.
Added: 04/04/2013
I'll scream
T-Bag: I hate her! I loathe her! I detest her! I'm fed up to the back teeth with her!
T-Shirt: Never mind, we'll get her next time Your Majesty.
T-Bag: Next time, next time, next time, don't talk to me about next time.
T-Shirt: Don't get yourself in a lather. Come and sit down, relax, take it easy.
T-Bag: Oh, I'm sick of the sight of her, if I ever see that smug little face I'll scream, I will, I'll scream.
Holly (heard on TV as the Bubble Girl Kid): La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. I'm the Bubble Girl kid I'm clean and neat, from the top of my head to the soles of my feet.
(T-Bag screams and lightning fills the T-Room).
Added: 04/04/2013