Turn On To T-Bag Episode 9: Doc Leaf

In the wild west Doc Leaf is trying to sell his Herbal Remedy to Dorabella, a hotel owner, but as both of them have the same bag they get muddled up. When T-Shirt leaves T-Bag he takes his teddy in an identical bag and when Holly arrives with another identical bag, all the bags get muddled up. T-Bag then swaps another bag with the bag Doc Leaf has because she sees he has the crystals. Will T-Bag end up with the bag of crystals and will Holly find the last crystal?
The High-T Website synopsis

The prairies are the final place Holly visits in her search for the crystal needed for the machine that will stop T-Bag from becoming High-TV, the first lady of television. Here she meets Doc Leaf, who sells phoney medicine cures and Dorabella, the owner of the Wild West Saloon. T-Shirt, fed up with the way T-Bag treats him, decides to change sides and go with Holly on her search. Things get very confused when Holly's bag becomes the Doc's bag and his bag becomes Dorabella's and her bag gets into T-Bag's hand who thinks she has the crystals.
TV Times listing

Holly searches for the last crystal needed to stop T-Bag from becoming High-TV.
Lookin listing

I've finished with you

T-Shirt: Here you are Gilbert, you get that down you and if you're lucky I might let you fly round the room later on.
T-Bag: T-Shirt.
T-Shirt: Oops.
T-Bag: I told you not to take your eyes off that screen. Don't you realise that hideous child has all but one of those infernal crystals, we're on the brink of disaster here.
T-Shirt: But it's Gilbert's dinner time.
T-Bag: Gilbert, Gilbert. All I ever hear about these days is Gilbert. I'm sick to the back teeth of Gilbert.
T-Shirt: Don't be like that, Gilbert's very fond of you. Aren't you Gilbert, say hello to your Auntie Tallulah.
T-Bag: Uhhh, get that moth eaten ball of fur away from me.
T-Shirt: Don't listen to her Gilbert, she's the one who's moth eaten isn't she? Yes.
T-Bag: I don't believe this, T-Shirt.
T-Shirt: It's alright for you isn't it? You've had your dinner. You're ok, poor little Gilbert.
T-Bag: Be quiet, no more.
T-Shirt: But Gilbert.
T-Bag: Right, that's it.
T-Shirt: What are you doing?
T-Bag: I'm going to send that smelly old rodent back to where it came from.
T-Shirt: No don't do it. (T-Bag makes Gilbert vanish) Gilbert! I hate you Bin Bag, rubbish bag, mouldy old T-Bag. You're the horribliest, meanest old bag I've ever met.
T-Bag: Stop all this.
T-Shirt: I've had all I can take of you.
T-Bag: Enough.
T-Shirt: You never let me have any pets. I haven't got any friends. Nothing I do is ever right. Well I've had it up to here and I'm not standing for it any longer.
T-Bag: Have you finished?
T-Shirt: Yes, I've finished with you.
T-Bag: Stupid child. And speaking of stupid children things are getting pretty serious with the horrendous Holly. T-Shirt.
T-Shirt: What?
T-Bag: Oh what now, what are you doing?
T-Shirt: Packing.
T-Bag: Oh packing. Leaving home again are we?
T-Shirt: We're not, I am.
T-Bag: And where pray are you off to this time?
T-Shirt: Anywhere so long as it's away from you.
T-Bag: Oh that's right, don't forget your teddy bear, big boy like you needs his teddy bear.
T-Shirt: I never want to see you again.
T-Bag: So you're off now are you?
T-Shirt: Yes.
T-Bag: Have a nice time.
T-Shirt: I really am going you know.
T-Bag: Of course you are.
T-Shirt: And I'm not coming back this time.
T-Bag: Good, that suits me fine.
T-Shirt: So goodbye forever.
T-Bag: Goodbye.
T-Shirt: Goodbye.
T-Bag: Go on then.
T-Shirt: I'm going.
T-Bag: Well hurry up.
T-Shirt: Yes.
(He disappears)
T-Bag: Oh T-Shirt.
(He reappears)
T-Shirt: What?
T-Bag: Don't forget to write.
(He disappears).
T-Bag: Pathetic little oaf, he won't last two minutes on his own. He'll be back, he'll be back.

Added: 04/04/2017

Selling like hotcakes

Doc Leaf: Well howdy-do young sir, you look like a stranger to these parts, I bet you've walked a long way, why your little feet must be bursting with blisters, a very painful predicament, but help is at hand, Doc Leaf's miracle tonic and herbal remedy, why just two drops in a bucket of luke-warm water and your feet will be so grateful they'll leap up and shake you by the hand.
T-Shirt: No thanks, my feet are fine, could you tell me where I can find somewhere to stay?
Doc Leaf: Why don't you stay here and buy some of my marvellous mixture, this will put hairs on your chest.
T-Shirt: No thanks, I'm just looking for somewhere to stay.
Doc Leaf: There's a special offer on at the moment, two bottles for the price of three, ha ha ha, can't say fairer than that.
T-Shirt: There must be a hotel in town, I'll just have a look, thanks for all your help, see you, bye.
Doc Leaf: You think it over young man, that's the way but don't take too long, this stuff is selling like hotcakes, but apparently nobody is all that keen on hotcakes around here.

Added: 04/04/2012

The best news I've heard all day

Holly: Hello, hello (rings bell on counter), anybody about? (T-Shirt walks in) T-Shirt!
T-Shirt: Holly.
Holly: Oh not you again, buzz off back to your darling T-Bag and leave me in peace.
T-Shirt: She's not my darling, I can't stand the sight of her.
Holly: Sure.
T-Shirt: I'm telling you, I hate her. I've had all I can stand of her. We're finished.
Holly: Who are you trying to kid? (She rings the counter bell again) Who's in charge around here?
T-Shirt: There's nobody about, I've been upstairs, the place is deserted.
Holly: What are you doing here anyway?
T-Shirt: I'm looking for a place to stay. I've run away from home.
Holly: You haven't?
T-Shirt: I have.
Holly: You having me on?
T-Shirt: No.
Holly: You are aren't you?
T-Shirt: I'm not.
Holly: This is a trick, I know you.
T-Shirt: It's not a trick. She pushed me too far this time.
Holly: What do you mean?
T-Shirt: She did something really, really awful.
Holly: What?
T-Shirt: I don't want to talk about it.
Holly: Come on, what did she do?
T-Shirt: She zapped Gilbert.
Holly: Gilbert?
T-Shirt: Yes Gilbert, one minute he was there, happy as a lark, the next minute, zap, he was gone.
Holly: That's terrible.
T-Shirt: I'll never forgive her, never.
Holly: So you really have dumped T-Bag?
T-Shirt: You bet I have.
Holly: And you're never going to help her ever again?
T-Shirt: You bet I'm not.
Holly: That's the best news I've heard all day.
T-Shirt: Any chance of being friends again?
Holly: You bet there is.

Added: 04/04/2015

Who's bag is this?

(T-Shirt and Doc Leaf come in the hotel lobby laughing).
Doc Leaf: Yes I know.
T-Shirt: Great.
Doc Leaf: A veritable banquet my dear.
Dorabella: Oh I'm so glad you liked it, here's your bill.
Doc Leaf: Peanuts to a man of my means my dear, peanuts. Now I can not pay you in cash.
Dorabella: I knew it, I knew it.
Doc Leaf: But I can pay with these (he holds out some rocks).
Dorabella: Oh, wise guy huh?
Doc Leaf: Whuh?
Dorabella: No cash, I get the picture. Well buster, I got ways of dealing with the likes of you.
Doc Leaf: Now, now my dear, don't do anything I might regret.
T-Shirt: Hang on, I'll pay.
Dorabella: Pardon?
Doc Leaf: Pardon?
T-Shirt: I'll pay.
Doc Leaf: The boy will pay, did you hear that? The boy is paying, put me down.
T-Shirt: My piggy bank's in my case upstairs, I'll just go and get it (T-Shirt leaves).
Dorabella: Just like you to let the boy pay for your meal.
(Dora leaves and T-Bag appears).
T-Bag: Howdy Doodie partner.
Doc Leaf: Arggghhh!
T-Bag: What's up doc?
Doc Leaf: Nothing, nothing, you startled me.
T-Bag: There it is!
Doc Leaf: There. What? Where?
T-Bag: My bag.
Doc Leaf: This is your bag?
T-Bag: It sure is, I'd know it anywhere, I must have picked up yours by mistake, don't know how that happened.
Doc Leaf: That's my bag?
T-Bag: It must be.
Doc Leaf: Well give it here then.
T-Bag: With the greatest of pleasure.
(They swap bags).
T-Bag: Thank you.
Doc Leaf: No, no, thank you.
T-Bag: No, no, thank you, bye (T-Bag disappears by magic).
Doc Leaf: I must say... where'd she go?
(Holly walks in).
Holly: You...
Doc Leaf: Ohhhhh!
Holly: ...stole my bag you thief.
Doc Leaf: Oh, huh.
Holly: Don't you dare deny it, this is my bag and that's yours.
(Holly takes what she thinks is her bag and throws the other bag at Doc).
Doc Leaf: Oggghhh!
(T-Shirt walks back in with a bag of clothes, Dora is back behind the counter).
Dorabella: Say, what are you doing with my bag?
T-Shirt: I don't understand.
Dorabella: Neither do I.
T-Shirt: If I've got your bag, you must have mine.
Dorabella: Wait, it's here.
Holly: I've got my bag back.
Doc Leaf: And I've got my bag back.
Dorabella: And I got my bag back.
T-Shirt: And I've got my bag back.
(T-Bag appears).
Doc Leaf: Ooh.
T-Bag: And what have I got? A bag full of blasted rocks!
(Drops the bag On Doc's foot).
Doc Leaf: Oh!
T-Shirt: T-Bag!
T-Bag: I might have known, it's the jinks.
Holly: Told you I wasn't finished didn't I T-Bag? Look what I've got (opens her bag to find T-Shirt's teddy), eh?
T-Shirt: Holly, how come you've got my bag? Hey, this must be yours.
Holly: Thanks T-Shirt.
Dorabella: No, no, that's not her bag, that's the bag she swapped for my bag.
T-Shirt: Now let's get this right, look I'll show you. I had both these bags.
Dorabella: No you didn't, that was the bag you had.
T-Shirt: Was it?
Dorabella: Yep, then you gave it to her and she gave it to him.
Doc Leaf: No this was my bag, I've had enough of this, I'm off. Oh, who's bag is this?
T-Shirt: That's T-Bag's bag.
T-Bag: Shut up (T-Bag fires the guns), raise your hands the lot of you.
Doc Leaf: Ouuuughhh.
T-Bag: That's better, I've had about as much as I can take of this fiasco. T-Shirt, round up all these bags and put them here.
T-Shirt: No!
T-Bag: Ooooh, you.
Doc Leaf: Urrgghhh.
T-Bag: Do as I say.
Doc Leaf: Oh, anything to oblige Maam.
Holly: Oh no.
T-Bag: Oh yes, the crystals have got to be in one of these bags. My moment of glory, bliss, the crystals are mine, mine. I feel positively light headed.
(Holly has taken the guns off T-Bag).
Holly: Not so fast T-Bag, hand over those bags.
T-Bag: Oh really, this is too much. You really are a brave little so and so.
Holly: I mean it T-Bag.
T-Bag: I'm sure you do, I'm also sure you couldn't hit the side of a barn with that thing, never-the-less.
(T-Bag uses her magic and the gun fires and the shot ricochets around the room, cutting the rope, the chandelier falls down on T-Bag's head).
Holly: I don't believe it, look, the last missing crystal. T-Shirt, we've done it, we've done it.
T-Shirt: Well what are we waiting for? Let's get out of here.
(They grab their bags and run out the doors).
Holly & T-Shirt: Bye T-Bag.
(T-Bag cries).

Added: 04/04/2021

Nothing can stop us now

Holly: Well we've done it, we've done it, we've got all nine of the crystals.
T-Shirt: You've done it, I haven't helped much have I?
Holly: You can help me now, we're not out of the woods yet. We've got to take these back to the Professor.
T-Shirt: Well let's go the easy way, by magic. I'll have us there in no time.
Holly: T-Shirt, nothing can stop us now, nothing.

Added: 04/04/2016