Turn On To T-Bag Episode 5: Pyramids

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Episode 1Sparkes
Episode 2Gangsters
Episode 3Yeti
Episode 4Bubble Boy
Episode 5Pyramids
Episode 6Scrimp
Episode 7The Two Musketeers
Episode 8The African Queen
Episode 9Doc Leaf
Episode 10Turn On To T-Bag

UK Air Date02/02/1988, 4.20pm
Repeat Screening07/08/1990, 4.00pm
Copyright YearMCMLXXXVII (1987)
VTR Date29/09/1987
Fremantle Archive Ref37943
Consecutive Episode Number35
IMDB LinkEpisode page

T. Bag (Tallulah Bag)/
Queen Tallulah Of The Nile
Elizabeth Estensen
T. ShirtJohn Hasler
Holly Anna JonesDiana Barrand
Scoop ShuttleworthSiobhan Redmond

Make UpShiela Mann
Costume DesignerRaymond Childe
Graphic DesignerAlex Forbes
Stage ManagerBobby Webber
Production AssistantBarbara Mitchell
Written ByLee Pressman
Grant Cathro
DesignerJohn Plant
Executive ProducerCharles Warren
Producer/DirectorLeon Thau

Holly arrives in Egypt near a pyramid where she meets up with Scoop Shuttleworth, a journalist, who is looking for the tomb of the Nile Queen. They enter the pyramid where trying to find the next crystal, when T-Bag and T-Shirt follow them into the pyramid they get lost and end up back at the start. When Holly finds the crystal a mummy comes in to take away the crystal.
The High-T Website synopsis
Arriving in Egypt in her attempts to stop Holly getting the next crystal, T-Bag comes face to face with someone from the past she recognises. She thinks she is seeing double and is helped in her dilemma by Scoop Shuttleworth, a press photographer. Holly gets desperate when T-Bag seems to win the tricks and T-Shirt becomes a hero when he accidentally finds the clue to the missing crystal.
TV Times listing
T-Bag arrives in Egypt to try and stop Holly getting the next crystal.
Lookin listing

Scoop Shuttleworth

Camera Captured

Queen Tallulah

High-TV Times

For more images see the Image Galleries

If you would like to contribute your favourite/funniest etc quotes from this episode please contact me.

High TV Times

T-Bag: Isn't it hilarious. The vile Holly has been traipsing around in circles for hours like a little lost sheep. Ooo... what's the matter then? Why the long face, can't you find the next missing crystal? Ha ha, excellent! That'll keep her off my back for a while. T-Shirt!
T-Shirt: What?
T-Bag: There's work to be done.
T-Shirt: Oh what a surprise.
T-Bag: Time's pressing on. It won't be long before High-TV hits the airwaves and when it does, oooh, I can hardly wait. But we must make sure everyone will be tuned in to see me in all my glory.
T-Shirt: How will you do that?
T-Bag: I've had yet another ingenious idea, High TV Times!
T-Shirt: What's that?
T-Bag: I'm bringing out a free magazine aren't I? Ha, I'm just too, too clever. It'll tell everyone about all the wonderful, un-missable programmes they'll be able to see, films, comedies, cartoons, it'll be so irresistible they'll just have to watch and when they do...
T-Shirt: All they'll see is you.
T-Bag: Exactly, and then it will be too late for them.
T-Shirt: So what do you want me to do?
T-Bag: Well I need a good photograph for the front cover of High-TV Times.
T-Shirt: Photo of what?
T-Bag: Me of course.
T-Shirt: Oh yes, of course.
T-Bag: So, get me a decent photographer and make it snappy.
T-Shirt: You don't need a photographer, I'll take your picture.
T-Bag: You, don't make me laugh.
T-Shirt: It's easy, give me a chance (he blinks and a camera appears).
T-Bag: I've no time to waste while you footle about with that thing. I want a picture and I want it now.
T-Shirt: That's what I'm saying, this is an instant camera, you can have your photo right away. (He takes a picture of himself by mistake), oops.
T-Bag: You stupid boy, you were holding it round the wrong way. I've never met anybody like you. You make a pig's ear out of everything. What is the matter with you?
T-Shirt: Just a minute, let's have a look, there, that's not too bad is it?
T-Bag: Well, I suppose I have to admit, it's sort of alright.
T-Shirt: I think it's really good.
T-Bag: It's not bad.
T-Shirt: See I can take good pictures. Now hold still and let me take some of you.
T-Bag: Very well.
T-Shirt: Now come on, smile. Smile. (T-Shirt takes a picture).

Added: 04/04/2013

The newspaper story of the Century

Holly: This is a joke, I can't find the next crystal anywhere.
Scoop Shuttleworth: Hello there, you're travelling light I see and very wise too, I can not tell you how glad I am to get rid of this nuisance of a thing. Huh, ooh. You're looking a wee bit long in the face, what's the problem?
Holly: I'm just trying to find something and not having much luck.
Scoop Shuttleworth: Ah-ha, well we've got something in common then, haven't we? I'm Scoop Shuttleworth, ace photographer for the Daily Globe.
Holly: Hi, I'm Holly, what are you looking for then?
Scoop Shuttleworth: I'll tell you, I'm hot on the trail of the newspaper story of the century.
Holly: What are you going to photograph here?
Scoop Shuttleworth: I'm going to be the first person ever to get inside the legendary tomb of the Nile Queen. Now nobody even believes it exists but I'm going to prove them all wrong.
Holly: How?
Scoop Shuttleworth: With this map. This is my passport to fame and fortune, this is. Do you want to see? (Holly nods) It's all here, there's absolute maze of tunnels in there but this shows the way.
Holly: Tomb of the Nile Queen?
Scoop Shuttleworth: Yes.
Holly: That's a thought, I wonder if what I'm looking for could be there.

Added: 04/04/2015

Where's my head?

T-Bag (looking at pictures): What's this supposed to be? Terrible, garbage. Oh what a load of old rubbish! Where's my head? Hmm, what's this? Pathetic! A chimp could take better pictures than those.
T-Shirt: That one of me's alright.
T-Bag: Oh well bully for you, what about me eh?
T-Shirt: Let me try again.
T-Bag: No, I told you, this is urgent. I want a proper photographer and I want one now. I'm just going to pop off and make myself even more beautiful than I am already.
T-Shirt: Where am I going to find myself a proper photographer?

Added: 04/04/2013

A disgrace to the family line

T-Bag: T-Shirt, what happening in here?
Holly: Eh?
Scoop Shuttleworth: Another one?
T-Shirt: Nothing your Majesty, I was just saying to her Ma-jes-ty...
T-Bag: Fudge fingers and fairy cakes.
Holly: T-Bag.
T-Bag: Who the dickens are you?
Queen Tallulah: I am Queen Tallulah of the Nile.
T-Bag: You are?
Queen Tallulah: I am and I know who you are.
T-Bag: You do?
Queen Tallulah: Tallulah Bag, known to all as T-Bag, and I'm deeply ashamed to admit my great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great granddaughter.
T-Bag: What! You don't mean to say you're my great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great grandmother?
Queen Tallulah: I regret to say I am. You are a disgrace to the family line. You have brought shame and dishonour down upon our good name. You are a wicked, evil creature.
T-Bag: I don't give a tuppenny fig who you are. You could be my long lost Uncle Fred for all I care. All I'm interested in is that crystal so hand it over.
Holly: No don't! She'll only use it to spread even more evil and wickedness.
T-Bag: Shut up big mouth! Give it to me, you don't realise the power that I have.
Queen Tallulah: No, you don't realise the power that I have.
(Queen Tallulah of the Nile makes T-Bag and T-Shirt disappear).
Scoop Shuttleworth: That's it, I think I'll become a librarian.

Added: 04/04/2013

Is it a good likeness?

T-Bag: That's another crystal that meddlesome Miss has got.
T-Shirt: Look what's arrived.
T-Bag: What now?
T-Shirt: It's your High-TV Times, just back from the printers.
T-Bag: Gingernuts, I forgot all about that. What a minute, we never did get a proper photographer to take my picture.
T-Shirt: Don't worry, I sent off all the ones I took and told them to choose the one they thought was the best and use that for the cover.
T-Bag: Well is it a good likeness?
(T-Shirt looks at the cover).
T-Shirt: You could say that.
T-Bag: Show me!
T-Shirt: Now, before you say anything.
(T-Shirt turn the magazine around and his picture is on the front cover).
T-Bag: T-Shirt!

Added: 04/04/2013

"The greatest of the greats"
When T-Bag and Queen Tallulah of the Nile meet, they refer to each other as 'great, great, great, great.... granddaughter/grandmother'. As this is said so fast it's hard to tell if the right number of 'greats' is used, on slowing down the audio Queen Tallulah says 'great' sixteen times but T-Bag says 'great' seventeen times. Hardly noticeable at normal playback speed but it is there!

"Shadow Spotted"
At the end of the episode, there is a close-up of T-Shirt unpacking the stack of High-TV Times. At the very bottom-right corner of the screen, you can just see the shadow of a camera as it moves along for a few seconds.

For more mistakes from other episodes, please see the Nitpicker's Guide

  • The production title of this episode was 'Egypt'.
  • The Mummy sarcophagus seen inside the pyramid is the same prop used in the Thames Television series C.A.B.
  • This episode features the High-TV Times. TV Times is a weekly TV listings magazine, although the magazine never had T-Bag on itís cover (or T-Shirt more to the point); there were many articles and images featuring in the TV Times during whole nine series. There was even a small article in the TV Times the week this episode first aired!

  • This story is set in Egypt, T-Bag and T-Shirt go into an ancient Egyptian tomb, they also do this in Turn on to T-Bag.
    (Take off with T. Bag, Episode 4: Curse Of The Mummy)
  • This episode features two characters, played by the same actor, who have the same appearance. This happens several times throughout the series.
    (T-Bag Bounces Back, Episode 3: Ivan The Horrible)
    (T. Bag and The Revenge of the T. Set, Episode 7: Anastasia)
    (T. Bag and The Pearls of Wisdom, Episode 7: Tut Tut)
    (T. Bag and The Sunstones of Montezuma, Episode 1: In The Footsteps Of Kit Bag)
    (T. Bag and The Sunstones of Montezuma, Episode 5: Hippies)
    (T. Bag and The Sunstones of Montezuma, Episode 10: Montezuma's Revenge)
    (Take off with T. Bag, Episode 7: Phantom Of The Opera)
    (Take off with T. Bag, Episode 9: The Red Shoes)
  • T-Bag and T-Shirt get lost inside the pyramid, whilst trying to follow a map, and end up back at the entrance, this happens again in T. Bag and The Sunstones of Montezuma.
    (T. Bag and The Sunstones of Montezuma, Episode 1: In The Footsteps Of Kit Bag)
  • In episode ten T-Shirt tells Professor Sparks about their adventures referring to this episode, 'We've been in Pyramids'.
    (Turn on to T-Bag, Episode 10: Turn On To T-Bag)