Turn On To T-Bag Episode 7: The Two Musketeers

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Episode 1Sparkes
Episode 2Gangsters
Episode 3Yeti
Episode 4Bubble Boy
Episode 5Pyramids
Episode 6Scrimp
Episode 7The Two Musketeers
Episode 8The African Queen
Episode 9Doc Leaf
Episode 10Turn On To T-Bag

UK Air Date16/02/1988, 4.20pm
Repeat Screening21/08/1990, 4.00pm
Copyright YearMCMLXXXVII (1987)
VTR Date02/11/1987
Fremantle Archive Ref37939 (series ref)
Consecutive Episode Number37
IMDB LinkEpisode page

T. Bag (Tallulah Bag)Elizabeth Estensen
T. ShirtJohn Hasler
Holly Anna JonesDiana Barrand
Emil Fortoux
(aka The Scarlet Pimple)
Aubrey Woods
Queen MadeleineAndree Melly

Make UpShiela Mann
Costume DesignerRaymond Childe
Graphic DesignerAlex Forbes
Stage ManagerBobby Webber
Production AssistantBarbara Mitchell
Songs ByTerry Trower
Written ByLee Pressman
Grant Cathro
DesignerJohn Plant
Executive ProducerCharles Warren
Producer/DirectorLeon Thau

The Scarlet Pimple steals the Queen’s jewellery while she is eating her cook’s, Emil Fortoux, cakes but he misses her crystal necklace. T-Bag and T-Shirt offer their services as the two Musketeers to catch the Scarlet Pimple in return for the crystal. When the crystal is stolen from the Queen, Holly gets the blame and gets locked in the cells which are now Emil Fortoux’s larder.
The High-T Website synopsis
In a palace in France the Queen is constantly being robbed of her jewels by the Scarlet Pimple, who bears a strong resemblance to her pastry cook Emil. When Holly, T-Bag and T-Shirt arrive at the palace on the quest for the next crystal they get some tasty pastries with special fillings. T-Bag and T-Shirt promise to help the Queen.
TV Times listing

Sticky Buns

A Precious Robbery

The Two Musketeers

Locked In The Larder

For more images see the Image Galleries

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Were my little cakes to your liking?

Emil Fortoux: Your Majesty, were my little cakes to your liking, my dear Queen?
The Queen: Oh Emil.
Emil Fortoux: They were that bad?
The Queen: Oh no no no, it's not the cake, the cakes were magnifique as they always are.
Emil Fortoux: Then why the tears my precious Majesty?
The Queen: The Pimple has struck again.
Emil Fortoux: The Scarlet Pimple, oh la la.
The Queen: He took my necklace.
Emil Fortoux: The swine.
The Queen: My earrings.
Emil Fortoux: The thief.
The Queen: And then fip, he was gone.
Emil Fortoux: Fip, how dare he? If I were twenty years younger, I would seek out that snake in the grass and thrash him to within one centimetre of his life.
The Queen: You are a brave man Emil.
Emil Fortoux: Ha ha ha, if it were not for my bad back, I would bring him to his knees and make that reptile grovel for forgiveness.
The Queen: I know you would Emil, but the Pimple is dangerous.
Emil Fortoux: And devilish clever to boot.
The Queen: Oh yes, not quite so clever as he thinks.
Emil Fortoux: How so?
The Queen: He did not notice that I was wearing my most valuable trinket.
Emil Fortoux: Merci moi.
The Queen: Oh I would have been heartbroken to have lost this, I am upset enough as it is.
Emil Fortoux: Do not worry your pretty little head my dear Queen, Emil will cheer you up with one of his tastiest confections.
The Queen: Oui, oui, thank you Emil. Oh, what I would not give to have this Pimple removed from my life forever.

Added: 08/12/2013

Around here are a lot of very funny goings-on going on around here

Holly: Hm-mm.
Emil Fortoux: Oh.
Holly: Pardon me.
Emil Fortoux: What can I do for you my dear?
Holly: I was hoping to meet Queen Madeleine, I can't find her anywhere.
Emil Fortoux: Tell me, how did you manage to get in past the guards?
Holly: Well they let me in once they searched me. They're very thorough.
Emil Fortoux: Oh they have to be, you see around here are a lot of very funny goings-on going on around here.
Holly: Really?
Emil Fortoux: Oh yes. I was just about to go and see the Queen and give her these. Why do I not ask her if she will see you?
Holly: Would you?
Emil Fortoux: Of course, if you will do me a little favour in return?
Holly: Sure.
Emil Fortoux: Will you cut up that pastry for me and when I get back I will make a batch of my delicious jam tarts.
Holly: That's no problem.
Emil Fortoux: Thank you my dear, back in a moment.

Added: 04/04/2017

Looking for clues

(T-Shirt is in the larder with a couple of jam tarts).
T-Bag: Found anything yet?
T-Shirt: Not really.
(T-Bag enters the larder).
T-Bag: What do you mean not really? Either you have or you haven't.
T-Shirt: I haven't.
T-Bag: Well keep looking.
T-Shirt: Yes your Musketeer.
T-Bag: Lip.
(T-Bag leaves the larder and T-Shirt hides one of the tarts behind some containers, Emil then enters the kitchen).
Emil Fortoux: Ouuuggghhhhhh, you are not still here, are you? What are you looking for?
T-Bag: Evidence monsieur, evidence.
Emil Fortoux: Well you will not find anything here. (Emil enters the larder) What are you doing in my larder?
T-Shirt: Looking for clues.
Emil Fortoux: Clues, clues, this is intolerable, the Queen shall hear of this, and when she does, I tell you, heads will roll, heads will roll.
(Emil leaves the kitchen).
T-Bag: Stupid old duffer. T-Shirt. (T-Bag enters the larder and sees T-Shirt about to eat the tart) What's that?
T-Shirt: What?
T-Bag: Don't what me, where did you get that tart?
T-Shirt: It was on the table.
T-Bag: I thought I told you, no treats for you, give.
T-Shirt: Oh I was looking forward to that.
T-Bag: Mmm, does smell good.
(T-Bag takes a bite of the tart and we hear a cracking noise).
T-Bag: Ooh, ooh.
T-Shirt: What's up?
T-Bag (mumbled): I must have broken every tooth in my head.
T-Shirt: It's a diamond earring.
T-Bag: Exactly and hidden very craftily by somebody inside this.
T-Bag & T-Shirt: Emil.

Added: 04/04/2015

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  • Both the guest stars of this episode appear in different episodes in T. Bag and The Pearls of Wisdom.
  • The name of the character Emil Fortoux, is a play-on-words for 'A meal for two'.
  • Aubrey Woods, who played The Scarlet Pimple/Emil Fortoux, sadly passed away on 7th May 2013, aged 85.

  • Andree Melly, who plays The Queen, appears in two episodes throughout the nine series of T-Bag. This is her first of her two appearances.
    (T. Bag and The Pearls of Wisdom, Episode 7: Tut Tut)
  • Aubrey Woods, who plays The Scarlet Pimple/Emil Fortoux, appears in two episodes throughout the nine series of T-Bag. This is his first of his two appearances.
    (T. Bag and The Pearls of Wisdom, Episode 4: Grimble and Squiffy)
  • The plot of having a duel-identity character, this time of Emil Fortoux and The Scarlet Pimple, was also used in episodes from other series.
    (T-Bag Strikes Again, Episode 6: Dick Gherkin)
    (T. Bag and The Rings of Olympus, Episode 4: Rum Barbara)