Turn On To T-Bag Episode 7: The Two Musketeers

The Scarlet Pimple steals the Queen’s jewellery while she is eating her cook’s, Emil Fortoux, cakes but he misses her crystal necklace. T-Bag and T-Shirt offer their services as the two Musketeers to catch the Scarlet Pimple in return for the crystal. When the crystal is stolen from the Queen, Holly gets the blame and gets locked in the cells which are now Emil Fortoux’s larder.
The High-T Website synopsis

In a palace in France the Queen is constantly being robbed of her jewels by the Scarlet Pimple, who bears a strong resemblance to her pastry cook Emil. When Holly, T-Bag and T-Shirt arrive at the palace on the quest for the next crystal they get some tasty pastries with special fillings. T-Bag and T-Shirt promise to help the Queen.
TV Times listing

No more little treats

T-Shirt: Tea's up.
T-Bag: About time, I've been coughing up soot all morning, thanks to you.
T-Shirt: These look delish.
T-Bag: Off!
T-Shirt: Ow! What's your game?
T-Bag: No more little treats for you sonny Jim.
T-Shirt: Why not?
T-Bag: As a punishment for your continuous carelessness you can kiss goodbye to all this.
T-Shirt: But I'm starving.
T-Bag: So much the better.
T-Shirt: I'm famished.
T-Bag: Good.
T-Shirt: Just one little bun eh? (Strikes hand) Ow!

Added: 04/04/2022

Were my little cakes to your liking?

Emil Fortoux: Your Majesty, were my little cakes to your liking, my dear Queen?
The Queen: Oh Emil.
Emil Fortoux: They were that bad?
The Queen: Oh no no no, it's not the cake, the cakes were magnifique as they always are.
Emil Fortoux: Then why the tears my precious Majesty?
The Queen: The Pimple has struck again.
Emil Fortoux: The Scarlet Pimple, oh la la.
The Queen: He took my necklace.
Emil Fortoux: The swine.
The Queen: My earrings.
Emil Fortoux: The thief.
The Queen: And then fip, he was gone.
Emil Fortoux: Fip, how dare he? If I were twenty years younger, I would seek out that snake in the grass and thrash him to within one centimetre of his life.
The Queen: You are a brave man Emil.
Emil Fortoux: Ha ha ha, if it were not for my bad back, I would bring him to his knees and make that reptile grovel for forgiveness.
The Queen: I know you would Emil, but the Pimple is dangerous.
Emil Fortoux: And devilish clever to boot.
The Queen: Oh yes, not quite so clever as he thinks.
Emil Fortoux: How so?
The Queen: He did not notice that I was wearing my most valuable trinket.
Emil Fortoux: Merci moi.
The Queen: Oh I would have been heartbroken to have lost this, I am upset enough as it is.
Emil Fortoux: Do not worry your pretty little head my dear Queen, Emil will cheer you up with one of his tastiest confections.
The Queen: Oui, oui, thank you Emil. Oh, what I would not give to have this Pimple removed from my life forever.

Added: 08/12/2013

Around here are a lot of very funny goings-on going on around here

Holly: Hm-mm.
Emil Fortoux: Oh.
Holly: Pardon me.
Emil Fortoux: What can I do for you my dear?
Holly: I was hoping to meet Queen Madeleine, I can't find her anywhere.
Emil Fortoux: Tell me, how did you manage to get in past the guards?
Holly: Well they let me in once they searched me. They're very thorough.
Emil Fortoux: Oh they have to be, you see around here are a lot of very funny goings-on going on around here.
Holly: Really?
Emil Fortoux: Oh yes. I was just about to go and see the Queen and give her these. Why do I not ask her if she will see you?
Holly: Would you?
Emil Fortoux: Of course, if you will do me a little favour in return?
Holly: Sure.
Emil Fortoux: Will you cut up that pastry for me and when I get back I will make a batch of my delicious jam tarts.
Holly: That's no problem.
Emil Fortoux: Thank you my dear, back in a moment.

Added: 04/04/2017

The two Musketeers?

The Queen: Oh thank you Emil. I feel chirrup already.
Emil Fortoux: It's my pleasure Madam. Ooh, there is a tiny girl looking for you.
The Queen: Really? Well go and tell her I see her immediately.
(Emil leaves, T-Bag & T-Shirt appear as Musketeers).
T-Bag: Bonjour, bonjour your Majesty.
T-Shirt: Yeah, bonjour.
T-Bag: Hoh, hoh, hoh, hoh.
The Queen: Cordon Bleu, who are you?
T-Bag: We are the two Musketeers Madam at your service.
The Queen: The two Musketeers?
T-Shirt: All for one.
T-Bag: And tea for two.
The Queen: What brings you here my fine friends?
T-Bag: We hear that your Majesty is being plagued by a certain dastardly pimple.
The Queen: Oui, oui, it is true.
T-Bag: We hear that you will give anything to have this rascal brought to heel.
The Queen: I would give anything.
T-Bag: Anything?
The Queen: Anything. Why, do you think that you could catch him?
T-Bag: Could we? Could we? Ha!
T-Shirt: Ha! Madam, you are addressing the legendary two Musketeers.
T-Bag: Thank you.
T-Shirt: The Two Musketeers come up trumps every time.
T-Bag: That's enough.
T-Shirt: We are infallible, invincible, in... in er... in times of trouble we fly in the face of danger. We stop at nothing, we have no fear, we... we...
T-Bag: Oui, oui Madam, it is true what my little friend says. We will unearth this Scarlet Pimple and all your worries will be gone.
The Queen: I would be eternally grateful.
T-Bag: However, I must forewarn you, our services do not come cheap.
The Queen: I do not care about the cost, all my jewels have gone, all except, ha, ha, ha. (shows the crystal necklace). Name your price Musketeer.
T-Bag: Alright, The fee for catching the Scarlet Pimple will be that gem there.
The Queen: Ohhhh but it is my favourite piece.
T-Bag: Oh well madam, take it or leave it. Come my friend, our services are not required here.
The Queen: Wait, alright, I agree. Do your stuff and this is yours.
T-Bag: Tres bien, come my faithful fellow, we have work to do.
T-Shirt: All for one.
T-Bag: And Tea for two.
T-Shirt: It shall be done.
T-Bag: And so adieu.
(T-Bag and T-Shirt leave).
The Queen: Ohhh, that is a weight off my mind.
Scarlet Pimple: Huh-hmm.
The Queen: Zut Alore, it is not...
Scarlet Pimple: I'm afraid so Madam.
The Queen: Oh not again.

Added: 04/04/2020

I'm a nervous wreck

The Queen (shaking): Oh, this is too, too much. Look at me, I'm a nervous wreck.
Holly: Hmm-hmm.
The Queen: Oh I thought you were the Scarlet Pimple.
Holly: Who's that?
The Queen: A masked menace, that's who. He has robbed me of everything.
Holly: Oh dear.
The Queen: But what can I do for you my dear.
Holly: Well it's a long story but what it boils down to is I'm trying to find a crystal, it looks like one of these.
The Queen: Ooohh.
Holly: I hear you have some precious stones, here in the palace.
The Queen: Had my dear, had.
Holly: You mean, the Scarlet Pimple.
The Queen: He has made off with the lot.
Holly: That's great!
The Queen: And I did indeed have a crystal just like those.
Holly: You've got to catch this man.
The Queen: Oh don't worry, I have two of the finest Musketeers in France hot on his trail.
Holly: I look forward to meeting them.
The Queen: And so you shall.

Added: 04/04/2020

Looking for clues

(T-Shirt is in the larder with a couple of jam tarts).
T-Bag: Found anything yet?
T-Shirt: Not really.
(T-Bag enters the larder).
T-Bag: What do you mean not really? Either you have or you haven't.
T-Shirt: I haven't.
T-Bag: Well keep looking.
T-Shirt: Yes your Musketeer.
T-Bag: Lip.
(T-Bag leaves the larder and T-Shirt hides one of the tarts behind some containers, Emil then enters the kitchen).
Emil Fortoux: Ouuuggghhhhhh, you are not still here, are you? What are you looking for?
T-Bag: Evidence monsieur, evidence.
Emil Fortoux: Well you will not find anything here. (Emil enters the larder) What are you doing in my larder?
T-Shirt: Looking for clues.
Emil Fortoux: Clues, clues, this is intolerable, the Queen shall hear of this, and when she does, I tell you, heads will roll, heads will roll.
(Emil leaves the kitchen).
T-Bag: Stupid old duffer. T-Shirt. (T-Bag enters the larder and sees T-Shirt about to eat the tart) What's that?
T-Shirt: What?
T-Bag: Don't what me, where did you get that tart?
T-Shirt: It was on the table.
T-Bag: I thought I told you, no treats for you, give.
T-Shirt: Oh I was looking forward to that.
T-Bag: Mmm, does smell good.
(T-Bag takes a bite of the tart and we hear a cracking noise).
T-Bag: Ooh, ooh.
T-Shirt: What's up?
T-Bag (mumbled): I must have broken every tooth in my head.
T-Shirt: It's a diamond earring.
T-Bag: Exactly and hidden very craftily by somebody inside this.
T-Bag & T-Shirt: Emil.

Added: 04/04/2015

A stroke of luck

Emil Fortoux: Curse and curse and curse again. No sign of those infernal tarts. Not a crumb, I am as sick as a French parrot.
(The Queen walks into the garden).
The Queen: Good news Emil, look, I have recovered a piece of my stolen jewellery.
Emil Fortoux: But how?
The Queen: That verruca girl had it.
Emil Fortoux: Let me see, ohhhh. Now isn't that a stroke of luck?

Added: 04/04/2018