T. Bag And The Pearls Of Wisdom Episode 4: Grimble and Squiffy

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UK Air Date23/01/1990, 4.20pm
Repeat Screening02/07/1992, 4.05pm
Copyright Year1989
VTR Date06/11/1989
Fremantle Archive Ref48947 (series ref)
Consecutive Episode Number56
IMDB LinkEpisode page

T. Bag (Tabatha Bag)Georgina Hale
T. ShirtJohn Hasler
Sally SimpkinsKellie Bright
GrimbleJohn Cater
Lord Squiffington FopAubrey Woods

Make UpAdam Beck
CostumeRaymond Childe
Graphic DesignerJeff Harrison
Stage ManagerBobby Webber
Lighting DirectorChristopher Davies
Production AssistantElena Adams
MusicTerry Trower
DesignerJohn Plant
ProducerCharles Warren
Written ByLee Pressman
Grant Cathro
DirectorLeon Thau

Lord Squiffington-Fop goes to Grimbleís Dress Shop wanting pearl buttons for a masked ball. When Sally arrives at the dress shop Grimble steals her pearls for Lord Squiffington-Fopís jacket and when Sally and T-Bag try to get the pearls he has already sold them to Squiffy!
The High-T Website synopsis
In the next episode Sally is the belle of the ball. Will T-Bag turn up and spoil the party? Find out in T. Bag and the Pearls of Wisdom.
Next week preview (from previous episode)
Today Sally is the belle of the ball. Will T-Bag turn up and spoil the party? Find out now.
Stay tuned preview (from start of episode)

If you would like to contribute your favourite/funniest etc quotes from this episode please contact me.

Without A Button To My Name

Grimble: Oh dear, dear, dear, dear, what a life, I don't know. Three weeks and not one customer, oh dear, oh dear, dear, dear, dear, dear. Dearie me, oh.
Lord Squiffington-Fop: Shop.
Grimble: Ohhh. Come in, come in, come right in. Mind the cat.
Lord Squiffington-Fop: Ooh, odd bodkins, and you are?
Grimble: My card your honourable sirness for you to have a perusal at.
Lord Squiffington-Fop: Eurrhhhhh. Grumble's Drelg shlop.
Grimble: Er, Grimble's Dress Shop that should be Sir, my spelling ain't so hot I'm afraid. It's like my old mother used to say, Ugly she'd say.
Lord Squiffington-Fop: Your name's Ugly?
Grimble: Yes Sir but that's another story. Ugly she'd say, it ain't the way you spell 'em, it's the way you tell 'em
Lord Squiffington-Fop: Oh yes, yes indeed.
Grimble: What can I do for you then your remnant's?
Lord Squiffington-Fop: Well as a matter of fact I was hoping that you might be able to rescue me from a quandering.
Grimble: Oh, sorry Sir, I've never done no mountaineering before. It's like my old mother used to say...
Lord Squiffington-Fop: No, no, you misunderstand my meaning my good man, I'm talking about me wardrobe.
Grimble: We don't do carpentry here me lord, you want next door.
Lord Squiffington-Fop: I'm obviously not making myself clear am I? This is a clothes shop, is it not?
Grimble: It is.
Lord Squiffington-Fop: And you do make clothes do you not?
Grimble: We do.
Lord Squiffington-Fop: Then we are getting somewhere, look at this.
(He shows Grimble the pearl).
Grimble: Oh no thank you Sir, I never eat pickled onions, bad for the old tum. It's like my old mother used to say.
Lord Squiffington-Fop: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, This is not a perishing pickled onion you poltroon, this is a precious pearl.
Grimble: Is it?
Lord Squiffington-Fop: I'm sorry, it is just that I have been in every clothes shop in the town and nobody can help me.
Grimble: Oh dear
Lord Squiffington-Fop: You are my last hope.
Grimble: Oh.
Lord Squiffington-Fop: You see, everybody but everybody is wearing pearl buttons this season. It's the in thing you know.
Grimble: Is it? Oh yes you're right. Ha, ha, yes very in they are. Everyone's wearing them.
Lord Squiffington-Fop: Everyone except me. Me Lord Squiffington Fop, a dedicated follower of fashion if ever there was one, without a button to my name. Alas I am undone.
Grimble: How do you mean governor?
Lord Squiffington-Fop: Well you see, I am giving a grand masked ball this evening. Everyone but everyone will be there dripping with pearl buttons and I shall be like an old fashioned buffoon. Odds, me life, I shall have to call the whole thing off.
Grimble: Euurgh, hang about me lord.
Lord Squiffington-Fop: Uh?
Grimble: I might be able to fix you up.
Lord Squiffington-Fop: You might?
Grimble: Er, what you're saying is, you need more of these little pearls.
Lord Squiffington-Fop: You have some?
Grimble: No.
Lord Squiffington-Fop: Oh pip.
Grimble: But I could get some.
Lord Squiffington-Fop: You could?
Grimble: Mind you, it'll cost you.
Lord Squiffington-Fop: Hang the cost, here. If you can find a set of buttons like this, you shall be a rich man before the day is out.
Grimble: Cor.
Lord Squiffington-Fop: Splendid fellow, I shall be back within the hour.
Grimble: Great, huh-huh, mind the cat.
Lord Squiffington-Fop: Odds bodkins.
Grimble: Great. Great.

Updated: 04/04/2015

A Brain Transplant

T-Bag: Dare I ask what this is in aid of?
T-Shirt: It's my fleas.
T-Bag: You what?
T-Shirt: My pet fleas, I've been collecting them all week. Do you want to have a look?
T-Bag: No I don't.
T-Shirt: I'm going to start up a flea circus.
T-Bag: A flea circus?
T-Shirt: Should be good eh?
T-Bag: Oh, have you ever considered having a brain transplant?
T-Shirt: I wouldn't mind so long as I don't end up getting yours.
T-Bag: Oh you saucy brat. How is this rubbish going to help us find the next pearl?
T-Shirt: It isn't.
T-Bag: Exactly, so brew me up a cuppa tea and make it quick. We've got to find out where that girl's going and get there first.

Added: 04/04/2019

Sold them!

Sally: You stole my pearls didn't you? I know you did, don't try and deny it.
Grimble: Who's denying it?
Sally: Right, well give them back.
Grimble: I can't. I've sold them.
Sally: Sold them!
Grimble: Sold them, they're now the property of his Lordship Squiffington-Fop.
Sally: Oh, where does he live?
Grimble: Wouldn't you like to know (blows raspberry).
Sally: Ouurgghhh! (Slams table).

Added: 04/04/2020

Mind The Cat

T-Bag: Right, and I'm going with you.
Grimble: You're what?
T-Bag: You heard me and when we get there you'd better get me those pearls or else.
(T-Bag steps on the cat which yelps).
Grimble: Mind the cat.

It's like a palace

Grimble: Streuth, what a lovely house. I've never seen nothing like it in my whole life, it's like a palace.
Lord Squiffington-Fop: It is a palace.
Grimble: If my old mother could see me now.
T-Bag: We're not here to talk about idle chit-chat. Where are those pearls?

Added: 09/05/2011

"Not so Micro Microphone"
At the very beginning of the episode, Grimble is complaining about lack of business then just as Squiffy is about to walk in and it cuts to the 'wide shot' the microphone appears over Grimble's head for a few seconds before being pulled out of shot.

"The Boom-Mic Flee"
A boom mic appears at the very top of the screen during the T-Room scene in which T-Shirt is showing T-Bag his flea circus - it's a thin one which bobs in and out of screen.

When T. Shirt does his flea circus routine his four fleas are called Clarence, George, Fred and Fearless Fred but later in the episode he calls one Henry. Where did Henry come from?

"Give that girl her bag back"
At the end of the episode Sally hasn't got her bag, this was left by T-Bag back in Grimble's shop. Did she pop back to get it before moving on through the board game? No explanation is given and she has her bag back by the start of the next episode.

For more mistakes from other episodes, please see the Nitpicker's Guide

  • John Cater, who plays Grimble, sadly passed away on 21st March 2009, aged 77.
  • Aubrey Woods, who played Lord Squiffington-Fop, sadly passed away on 7th May 2013, aged 85.
  • Lee Pressman and Grant Cathro used the name 'Squiffington-Fop' for the character Sir Squiffington-Fopp ('Squiffy') in their 1999 series Polterguests.

  • Aubrey Woods, who plays Lord Squiffington Fop, appears in two episodes throughout the nine series of T-Bag. This is his second of his two appearances.
    (Turn on to T-Bag, Episode 7: The Two Musketeers)
  • John Cater, who plays Grimble, appears in three episodes throughout the nine series of T-Bag. This is his second of his three appearances.
    (Turn on to T-Bag, Episode 6: Scrimp)
    (T. Bag's Christmas Turkey)
  • This is one of three episodes where both names of the characters played by the guest actors feature in the episode title.
    (T-Bag Strikes Again, Episode 3: Ben And Bunty Badshot)
    (T. Bag and The Sunstones of Montezuma, Episode 2: Gussie and Twittering)
  • There are other episodes that feature two names in the episode title.
    (T. Bag and The Sunstones of Montezuma, Episode 8: Napoleon and Josephine)
    (Take off with T. Bag, Episode 6: Antony and Cleopatra)
  • Grimble mistakes Lord Squiffington-Fop's pearl for a pickled onion, T-Bag also refers to the last pearl as a 'pickled onion' at the end of the series.
    (T. Bag and The Pearls of Wisdom, Episode 10: The Pearls Of Wisdom)
  • Sally gets the pearls stolen by the shopkeeper Grimble to sell on to Lord Squiffington-Fop, this also happens in T-Bag Bounces Back.
    (T-Bag Bounces Back, Episode 6: Hi-Hat)
  • The items being collected by the girl are stolen in other episodes and in other series.
    (Wonders in Letterland, Episode 6: Debbie In The Land Of R)
    (T-Bag Strikes Again, Episode 6: Dick Gherkin)
    (T-Bag Bounces Back, Episode 6: Hi-Hat)
    (T-Bag Bounces Back, Episode 9: Nikdit The Thief)
    (Turn on to T-Bag, Episode 6: Scrimp)
    (Turn on to T-Bag, Episode 9: Doc Leaf)
    (T. Bag and The Pearls of Wisdom, Episode 8: Cedric Sackbutt's Search For A Song)
    (T. Bag and The Rings of Olympus, Episode 4: Rum Barbara)
    (T. Bag and The Rings of Olympus, Episode 7: Rats)
    (T. Bag and The Sunstones of Montezuma, Episode 4: Gone Fishing)