T. Bag And The Sunstones Of Montezuma Episode 4: Gone Fishing

Penny arrives near a farmstead in the Southern United States in the graveyard where she meets a conman called Goosepellet who steals her sunstones. Later he cons Tom’s Aunt Molly out of her broach with the next Sunstone on it.
The High-T Website synopsis

I sometimes lie awake in my basket at night

(T-Shirt is doing the vacuuming)
T-Shirt: Feet.
T-Bag: I'm going to get those sunstones today Shirty-baby, I feel my luck's about to change.
T-Shirt: Yeah, from abysmal to flaming well abysmal.
T-Bag: I've seen ski-slopes shorter than that face, what is it?
T-Shirt: What is it? The hoovering that's what, the hoovering, the cooking, the cleaning, the ironing, the dusting, I could magic that lot done in two seconds. Why won't you let me?
T-Bag: Because, I've got to keep you in your place.
T-Shirt: Oh yeah, and what exactly is my place eh? There's no holiday leave, no perks what-so-ever. I sometimes lie awake in my basket at night and think what am I doing with my life, what do I get out of all this?
T-Bag: You get a chance to bask in my glory, that's what you get.
T-Shirt: Huh please. I do have a mind of my own you know.
T-Bag: Well, you're welcome to it, nobody else wants it.
T-Shirt: What would you do if I got myself another job, eh, eh?
T-Bag: You couldn't get yourself a job as a lifeguard attending in a carwash. (T-Bag then drops biscuits on the floor) Oh dear look, I seem to have dropped a few crumbs on your nice clean floor. Oh clean it up, there's a pet.

Added: 04/04/2012

What does a possum look like?

Penny: Hello, anybody home?
(T-Bag appears in disguise).
T-Bag: Huckleberry, oh Huckleberry, dang nabbit, where is that no-good son of a lurk head, Huckleberry.
Penny: Are you looking for somebody?
T-Bag: Oh that's mighty observant of ya Missy, I gonna lost my Huckleberry and my poor pet possum.
Penny: What does he look like?
T-Bag: Oh he looks like a possum, what else would a possum look like, a paddle steamer? Huckleberry.
Penny: What does a possum look like?
T-Bag: Oh he's small and ugly and he has a thumb on his foot, huh, a bit like you. Ohhhhhh, there he is.
(T-Bag pushes past Penny who falls onto the fence with the wet paint).
Penny: Oh yuck.
T-Bag: Oh I'm sorry girl. Look at that, you got paint all over ya. Oh come here child, let me wipe it for ya.
Penny: Oh no, look, you're making it worse.
T-Bag: Oh dear, so I am, what a great old mutton-head. Here, let me take your purse ha and let me clean it for you.
Penny: No it's al...
T-Bag: Ha, ooh, I declare it's no trouble at all, ha, ha. Thank you pee-wee.
Penny: T-Bag!
T-Bag: Oh that fooled ya, didn't it? Am I good or am I good? The Royal Shakespeare company here I come.
(T-Bag disappears).
Penny: Oh no.

Added: 04/04/2015

We Can Go Fishing

Tom: Help me finish this and we can go fishing you and me both.
T-Shirt: Yeah.
Tom: I got worms.
T-Shirt: That doesn’t matter we can still go fishing.

That no good, low-down son of a water moccasin

Aunt Molly: I be a yellow dog.
Penny: See, it's just a rock with gold paint on it. I watched him do it.
Aunt Molly: I'll tear his lugs out, that no good, low-down son of a water moccasin. You say you saw him down by the old graveyard.
Penny: That's right.
Aunt Molly: Right well then what are we waiting for? Oh, I'll just leave a note for my nephew Tom 'case he wonders where we've got to. Two shakes honeylamb.
(Aunt Molly goes inside and T-Bag appears).
T-Bag: No doubt you think you're smart pee-wee pants. Well hear this, I will find those sunstones wherever they are. Do you hear me? I will find them.

Added: 04/04/2019

All for the greater good

Penny: Thanks for everything. Especially this.
Aunt Molly: It's all for the greater good, honey child. You take it. After all you rid the neighbourhood of that swindling prairie dog Goosepellet. Was ever a man better named?
Penny: Yeah. He won't be back.
Tom: You take care now ya'hear.
Penny: You too, bye.
(Penny disappears).
Aunt Molly: You wanna go fishing?
Tom: You betcha.

Added: 04/04/2016

Happy endings

T-Bag: If there's one thing I can't stomach is happy endings. Eurghh.
T-Shirt: There, that's the boring hoovering done.
T-Bag: You missed a bit.
T-Shirt: Where?
T-Bag: There.
T-Shirt: Where?
T-Bag: There. (T-Bag uses her magic to change the vacuum cleaner setting from suck to blow) Clean it up.
(T-Shirt points the vacuum cleaner pipe towards T-Bag as he switches it back on, all the dirt then sprays onto T-Bag).

Added: 04/04/2024