T. Bag And The Sunstones Of Montezuma Episode 8: Napoleon And Josephine

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UK Air Date24/02/1992, 4.00pm
Repeat ScreeningN/A
Copyright YearMCMXCII (1992)
VTR Dateunknown
Fremantle Archive Ref53474
Consecutive Episode Number82
IMDB LinkEpisode page

T. Bag (Tabatha Bag)Georgina Hale
T. ShirtJohn Hasler
PennyEvelyn Sweeney
NapoleonKerry Shale
BidetJeff Shankley

Make UpAngela Seyfang
CostumesRaymond Childe
Lighting DirectorClive Gulliver
Stage ManagerTeresa Joselyn
Production AssistantGill Thomas
DesignerIan Russell
ProducerCharles Warren
Directed ByGlyn Edwards
Written ByLee Pressman
Grant Cathro

Napoleon has the next Sunstone on a medal on his jacket. He is bossing about General Bidet. When T-Shirt arrives to get the next sunstone and T-Bag and General Bidet plan to overthrow Napoleon can Penny get the sunstone and save Napoleon?
The High-T Website synopsis

Mon General

Toulouse La Shirt

The Plan

No Use Crying

For more images see the Image Galleries

If you would like to contribute your favourite/funniest etc quotes from this episode please contact me.

You can't do anything right

(T-Shirt is playing loud music on his stereo).
T-Bag: Turn that rubbish off, that blasted girl is rattling around with a bag full of sunstones and all you can do is blast my ears.
T-Shirt: Well they're big enough.
T-Bag: Oh shut up.
(T-Shirt switches off the stereo).
T-Bag: You're a wimp and a wolly, you know that? Oh I don't know why I put up with you. You can't do anything right.
T-Shirt: Well that's rich coming from you.
T-Bag: When I want your opinion I'll give it to you.
T-Shirt: You make me laugh you do, I could get the next sunstone just like that (clicks fingers), if you didn't keep turning up and sticking your big foot in it.
T-Bag: Oh yeah?
T-Shirt: Yeah.
T-Bag: Oh! Just toodle off mate.
T-Shirt: I'll show you, just you wait and see, I'll be back.

Added: 04/04/2015

You look flushed

Bidet: Sacré bleu.
T-Bag: Your name's croissant.
Bidet: Ah, crumbs.
T-Bag: And you are?
Bidet: Bidet.
T-Bag: What is up Bidet? You look flushed.
Bidet: Oh, it is nothing, nothing I can not handle, huh.
T-Bag: Oh tell me Monsieur, this nothing, this little nothing, does it involve a little pipsqueak with about as much idea as running an army as a festering lump o' brie.
Bidet: So you have met Napoleon?
T-Bag: Met him, I used to be his Captain, he had me demoted.
Bidet: Oh là là, so you too hate the jumped up little fop.
T-Bag: Hate him, oh là là, I detest him.
Bidet: How would you like a hand in my coup d'état.
T-Bag: But Monsieur, we have only just met.
Bidet: It matters not a jot, we both hate Napoleon, that is enough. Come back to my tent and we'll begin plotting in earnest.
T-Bag: So you have a tent called Ernest.

Added: 08/12/2013

Thank heavens for little girls

Napoleon: Hm-hm-hm, hm-hm-hm.
Penny: Excuse me, can I just...
Napoleon: Ah, you must be the girl who's come to do my hair. Quick, quick, the fair Josephine will soon be here. Now, I want a smidgen off the sides, not too much off the back and another one of these little curly things.
Penny: No, I just came to warn you about the conspiracy.
Napoleon: Conspiracy, what conspiracy?
Penny: They're plotting to overthrow you.
Napoleon: Ah-ha. Piffle, dross and bunkum, who would do such a wicked thing?
Penny: How about Bidet for a start?
Napoleon: Bidet, you think that Bidet? Zut alor, it has a nasty sniff of possibility about it. Tell me more Mademoiselle, what exactly are they planning?
Penny: Well I'm not sure.
Napoleon: Details, I must have details. Find out what they are up to and you shall be handsomely rewarded.
Penny: Could I have a medal please?
Napoleon: Ha, a hundred medals, a thousand medals, a million medals.
Penny: That one will do nicely (Penny points to the medal with the sunstone).
Napoleon: Hmm, it is yours, when you bring me back the information I desire. Go now Mademoiselle and do not let me down. My life is in your hands, au revoir (Penny leaves). Oh, thank heavens for little girls.

Added: 06/06/2015

No use crying about it

T-Bag: I had the bag of those sunstones in my hand. (sniffs) It's not fair (sobs).
T-Shirt: Oh, there, there, there. There's no use crying about it. Oh come on now, cheer up. (T-Shirt picks up the handkerchief) Dry your eyes, here. Big blow.
(T-Bag blows her nose, breaths in from the handkerchief, stands up and falls to the floor).
T-Shirt: Whoops.

Added: 04/04/2018

"Disappearing Act II"
When T-Shirt tells T-Bag he can get the next sunstone, he magics away then comes back numerous times to bring the bowl of cereal back and to change clothes. When T-Shirt disappears and reappears the alignment of the T-Room scenery ‘jumps’ where the cut away has not be lined up perfectly.

For more mistakes from other episodes, please see the Nitpicker's Guide

  • T-Shirt's alter ego of 'Toulouse La Shirt' is a play on words of 'To Lose La Shirt'.
  • According to the Fremantle Archives this episode was titled 'Napoleon'.
  • The earrings that T-Bag wears as part of her Josephine costume are the original earrings from her ‘Pearls of Wisdom’ costume.
  • Kerry Shale appeared in The Tomorrow People which was also written by Lee Pressman and Grant Cathro. Kerry Shale appeared in all five episodes of 'Monsoon Man' as Wilkie.
  • Kerry Shale appeared in Mike & Angelo which was also written by Lee Pressman and Grant Cathro. Kerry Shale appeared in the episode 'Blast From The Past' (#6.7, 05/04/1994) as Jerry Finklestein.

  • Kerry Shale, who plays Napoleon, appears in two episodes throughout the nine series of T-Bag. This is his first of his two appearances.
    (Take off with T. Bag, Episode 3: Bagsy Malone)
  • T-Shirt used his pseudonym of Toulouse La Shirt before in an episode of T. Bag and The Revenge of the T. Set.
    (T. Bag and The Revenge of the T. Set, Episode 8: La Boheme)
  • There are other episodes that feature two names in the episode title.
    (T-Bag Strikes Again, Episode 3: Ben And Bunty Badshot)
    (T. Bag and The Pearls of Wisdom, Episode 4: Grimble and Squiffy)
    (T. Bag and The Sunstones of Montezuma, Episode 2: Gussie and Twittering)
    (Take off with T. Bag, Episode 6: Antony and Cleopatra)