T. Bag And The Sunstones Of Montezuma Episode 8: Napoleon And Josephine

Napoleon has the next Sunstone on a medal on his jacket. He is bossing about General Bidet. When T-Shirt arrives to get the next sunstone and T-Bag and General Bidet plan to overthrow Napoleon can Penny get the sunstone and save Napoleon?
The High-T Website synopsis

You can't do anything right

(T-Shirt is playing loud music on his stereo).
T-Bag: Turn that rubbish off, that blasted girl is rattling around with a bag full of sunstones and all you can do is blast my ears.
T-Shirt: Well they're big enough.
T-Bag: Oh shut up.
(T-Shirt switches off the stereo).
T-Bag: You're a wimp and a wolly, you know that? Oh I don't know why I put up with you. You can't do anything right.
T-Shirt: Well that's rich coming from you.
T-Bag: When I want your opinion I'll give it to you.
T-Shirt: You make me laugh you do, I could get the next sunstone just like that (clicks fingers), if you didn't keep turning up and sticking your big foot in it.
T-Bag: Oh yeah?
T-Shirt: Yeah.
T-Bag: Oh! Just toodle off mate.
T-Shirt: I'll show you, just you wait and see, I'll be back.

Added: 04/04/2015

I should be wielding a musket

Bidet: Stupid, stupid, stupid little man! What I would not like to do to that, that jumped up little filbert.
Penny: Hello.
Bidet: Uh-huhhh, who the devil are you? What do you want?
Penny: I was just wondering if...
Bidet: Pft.
Penny: Is something the matter?
Bidet: I should be wielding a musket and not a fancy feather.
Penny: Look I...
Bidet: The smell of grapeshot should be wafting through my nostrils and not the stench of cheap perfume, hmm.
Penny: Yes, well, nice meeting you but I better be off now.

Added: 04/04/2023

You look flushed

Bidet: Sacré bleu.
T-Bag: Your name's croissant.
Bidet: Ah, crumbs.
T-Bag: And you are?
Bidet: Bidet.
T-Bag: What is up Bidet? You look flushed.
Bidet: Oh, it is nothing, nothing I can not handle, huh.
T-Bag: Oh tell me Monsieur, this nothing, this little nothing, does it involve a little pipsqueak with about as much idea as running an army as a festering lump o' brie.
Bidet: So you have met Napoleon?
T-Bag: Met him, I used to be his Captain, he had me demoted.
Bidet: Oh là là, so you too hate the jumped up little fop.
T-Bag: Hate him, oh là là, I detest him.
Bidet: How would you like a hand in my coup d'état.
T-Bag: But Monsieur, we have only just met.
Bidet: It matters not a jot, we both hate Napoleon, that is enough. Come back to my tent and we'll begin plotting in earnest.
T-Bag: So you have a tent called Ernest.

Added: 08/12/2013

Thank heavens for little girls

Napoleon: Hm-hm-hm, hm-hm-hm.
Penny: Excuse me, can I just...
Napoleon: Ah, you must be the girl who's come to do my hair. Quick, quick, the fair Josephine will soon be here. Now, I want a smidgen off the sides, not too much off the back and another one of these little curly things.
Penny: No, I just came to warn you about the conspiracy.
Napoleon: Conspiracy, what conspiracy?
Penny: They're plotting to overthrow you.
Napoleon: Ah-ha. Piffle, dross and bunkum, who would do such a wicked thing?
Penny: How about Bidet for a start?
Napoleon: Bidet, you think that Bidet? Zut alor, it has a nasty sniff of possibility about it. Tell me more Mademoiselle, what exactly are they planning?
Penny: Well I'm not sure.
Napoleon: Details, I must have details. Find out what they are up to and you shall be handsomely rewarded.
Penny: Could I have a medal please?
Napoleon: Ha, a hundred medals, a thousand medals, a million medals.
Penny: That one will do nicely (Penny points to the medal with the sunstone).
Napoleon: Hmm, it is yours, when you bring me back the information I desire. Go now Mademoiselle and do not let me down. My life is in your hands, au revoir (Penny leaves). Oh, thank heavens for little girls.

Added: 06/06/2015

I dress up as a woman

Bidet: Ok croissant, let us go over the plan one more time just to make sure you know what to do.
T-Bag: Oh right, right, right. We wait 'til it gets dark.
Bidet: Huh-uh.
T-Bag: Then I dress up as a woman, this Josephine woman.
Bidet: Oui, oui.
T-Bag: Then I get into Dandy fop-features tent and put some of this chloroform stuff on that handkerchief which knocks him out and then you come in and do your worst.
Bidet: Formidable.
T-Bag: Oh a piece of gateau. Here, does this stuff really work?
Bidet: One sniff and you are out like a light. In fact, why don't I give you a little demonstration?
(Bidet grabs Penny who has snuck past them).
Penny: Oh, get off.
Bidet: Well, well, well, what have we here?
T-Bag: Ha, ha, pee-wee piffle pants in person.
Penny: I know what you two are up to and you'll never get away with it.
T-Bag: Oh yeah, says who? Right, let's see if this stuff really works. Ah!
(T-Bag covers Penny’s mouth with the handkerchief and she passes out).
Bidet: I shall dump her over there, she will wake up in a couple of hours.
T-Bag: Oh more's the pity. Quick, quick, the bag, the bag (T-Bag takes Penny’s bag with the Sunstones). Ohhhh. Oh, très bon, très bon, très bon.

Added: 04/04/2024

No use crying about it

T-Bag: I had the bag of those sunstones in my hand. (sniffs) It's not fair (sobs).
T-Shirt: Oh, there, there, there. There's no use crying about it. Oh come on now, cheer up. (T-Shirt picks up the handkerchief) Dry your eyes, here. Big blow.
(T-Bag blows her nose, breaths in from the handkerchief, stands up and falls to the floor).
T-Shirt: Whoops.

Added: 04/04/2018