T. Bag And The Pearls Of Wisdom Episode 9: Play It Again, Sal

At the foreign legion fort Rick O’ Shea is playing snakes and ladders with Beau Legge for money but Beau is cheating and wins a ring with the next pearl on it from Rick.
The High-T Website synopsis

The Foreign Legion comes into the lives of Sally, T-Shirt and T-Bag. In a seedy part of North Africa they meet up with Beau Legge, the legionnaire who falls madly in love with T-Bag – much to her disgust – and Rick O’Shea, the Casablancan café owner.
TV Times listing

In the next episode Sally arrives at a desert fort. Why has T-Shirt joined the foreign legion? Can T-Bag yet win the game? Find out in T. Bag and the Pearls of Wisdom.
Next week preview (from previous episode)

Today Sally arrives at a desert fort. Can she get the next missing pearl? Why has T-Shirt joined the foreign legion? Can T-Bag yet win the game? Find out now.
Stay tuned preview (from start of episode)

It's calamity time for me

T-Bag: Oh, where is that girl? She's only got one more of those blasted pearls to find and I'm... Ohhh, I can't bear it.
T-Shirt: I can't bear it either, I mean, what am I doing, doing this, I'm not your skivvy.
T-Bag: Just get on with it.
T-Shirt: I can magic this lot done in two seconds flat.
T-Bag: You dare.
T-Shirt: It'll take hours like this, oh what's the point?
T-Bag: Ohhhh, the point is that every time I see your idiotic face appear on the scene, it's calamity time for me. Ohhhh, I've got to find that pearl before she does. Oh there, there it is. I've found it, I've found it. Right, I've got to get down there quick.
T-Shirt: Right, all done, where are we off to?
T-Bag: Done? What do you mean done? You've used your magic, haven't you?
T-Shirt: No, I'm just a very fast ironer.
T-Bag: How dare you?
(T-Shirt disappears).
T-Bag: T-Shirt, where are you? Where are you? (T-Shirt reappears) Hu-urrghh.
T-Shirt: You called?
T-Bag: Ohhhhhh.

Added: 04/04/2020

Enough is enough is enough

T-Bag: I've just about had enough of this, enough is enough is enough.
T-Shirt: Noooooooo.
T-Bag: Yes. Yes, yes, yeeeeees. No go blinking my lad.
T-Shirt: Oh, my magic's gone.
T-Bag: Yes, that was the worst thing I ever did, was giving you magic in the first place.
T-Shirt: Oh I've had enough of you.
T-Bag: Oh the feeling's mutual.
T-Shirt: Oh I'm leaving.
T-Bag: Good riddance.
T-Shirt: I really am going you know.
T-Bag: Good, best news I've heard all day.
T-Shirt: Right then, goodbye.
T-Bag: Goodbye. Where are you going to?
T-Shirt: I don't know yet.
T-Bag: Oh, that's typical isn't it, wants to run away and you don't know where you're running to. That just about sums you up.
T-Shirt: I don't care where I go, just so long as I can forget about you.
T-Bag: Oh, you want to forget about me do you, right.
T-Shirt: Yes.
T-Bag: I will give you a lift, I know just the place for you.
(T-Bag uses her magic and T-Shirt disappears).
T-Bag: Ohhhh, it's like a fifty tonne weight, oooh, being lifted off my shoulders. Right, now, the pearl.

Added: 04/04/2015

I want to forget a woman

Beau Legge: Ah, zut alors. Who are you?
T-Shirt: Shirt's the name, T-Shirt.
Beau Legge: And what do you want Monsieur?
T-Shirt: I want to forget a woman.
Beau Legge: Ah, the old familiar story, well you have come to the right place my fine fellow. This is the French Foreign Legion where men are men and woman are hated.
T-Shirt: Sounds good to me.
Beau Legge: Ah, so, you wish to join?
T-Shirt: You bet I do.
Beau Legge: Très bien, come with me Private Shirt.

Added: 04/04/2014

A night to remember

Rick O'Shea: Don't worry my friend, leave everything to me, it will be a night to remember. Bye.
Sally: That wasn't the man from the Foreign Legion fort was it?
Rick O'Shea: It surely was. Some lucky lady's going to wind up with a beautiful pearl on her finger this evening.
Sally: A pearl.
Rick O'Shea: Lucky lady indeed.
Sally: Rick.
Rick O'Shea: Now...
Sally: Erm...
Rick O'Shea: Food, no problem. Music, music, urgh, I need somebody who can sing.
Sally: I can sing.
Rick O'Shea: You can sing?
Sally: Yes.
Rick O'Shea: Would you like a job singing here tonight?
Sally: I would love a job singing here tonight.

Added: 04/04/2017

A little question

T-Bag: Here I am, eight o' clock on the dot.
Beau Legge: Arh, and here she is, looking a hundred times more beautiful than I remember. Enchanté mademoiselle, enchanté.
T-Bag: Oh, oui oui, oui oui. Oh enough of that, now down to business. I believe you have a little question to ask me.
Beau Legge: Oh I certainly do.
T-Bag: Oh fire away, fire away.
Beau Legge: Prawn Cocktail or Fish soup?
T-Bag: What?
Beau Legge: To start the meal.
T-Bag: Oh no no no no, I'm not hungry.
Beau Legge: Oh forget about the food my friend. Let's break open a bottle of your best bubbly.
T-Bag: Oh yes indeed, I believe there may be cause to celebrate tonight, uh, before the evening's out, am I right? Of course I'm right.
Beau Legge: Mais oui mon amour, mais oui.
Sally: Oh no.
Beau Legge: You know, my pretty petal, there comes a time in every man's life...
T-Bag: Oui oui.
Beau Legge:... when love comes along and hits him, pow, right between the eyes.
T-Bag: Oh oui oui.
Beau Legge: Cupid fires his little arrow.
T-Bag: Oh for Pete's sake, get on with it, do you want to marry me or don't you?
Beau Legge: I do.
T-Bag: Oh so do I. So do it.
Beau Legge: I will, I will.
Sally: No!
T-Shirt: No!!
Beau Legge: What?
T-Bag: Oooooh, too late Sally Simpkins the pearl is mine.
Beau Legge: When shall we be wed my darling?
T-Bag: Never, that's when.
Beau Legge: What?
T-Bag: What? I've got what I want, thank you very much.
Beau Legge: Ooouugghhh women!
(Rick comes back with a bottle of champagne).
Rick O'Shea: Is a toast in order?
T-Bag: Yes it is, here's good luck to me and rotten luck to the rest of you.
(The cork pops out of the bottle and hits T-Bag).
Rick O'Shea: What a corker!
T-Bag: Ooooouuuarghhh.
T-Shirt: Got it Sal.
T-Bag: Aaarrrrhhhhhh.
(T-Bag disappears).
Beau Legge: Mine I think.
Sally: Oh, oh, oh, don't you think we could have it please?
Beau Legge: Grasping gold diggers, no you can not have it. I won it fairly and squarely from him.
Rick O'Shea: True, true, he's a dynamo with the dice.
T-Shirt: Dice?
Beau Legge: Well.
T-Shirt: You mean this one that always comes up six. I found it in his pocket.
Rick O'Shea: What? You! You!
(Rick laughs nervously).
Beau Legge: Rick, my old friend, the dice, I meant to tell you, it's just a joke.
Rick O'Shea: What about that money you tricked off me?
Beau Legge: Well have it, have it back. Here, have it all. And your ring, have it.
Rick O'Shea: My boy, thank you for showing me who my friends aren't. You wanted this, here, take it.
T-Shirt: Thanks.
Sally: Thanks, come on T-Shirt, let's get changed and get out of here.
Rick O'Shea: You!

Added: 04/04/2024