T. Bag And The Rings Of Olympus Episode 5: Vampires

Granny Bag arrives in time for Halloween and Polly arrives in Transylvania and meets Igor Von Fledermaus who has the next ring. He invites Polly to his castle for a quick bite in exchange for the ring.
The High-T Website synopsis

T-Bag's in Transylvania, where a frustrated vampire sees his dentist about the problem he's having with his fangs.
Lookin listing

Next week, Polly travels to Transylvania. Will she get in a flap when she meets with a vampire? Find out in next weeks blood-curdling episode of T. Bag and the Rings of Olympus.
Next week preview (from previous episode)

This week, Polly travels to Transylvania. Will she get in a flap when she meets with a vampire? Can Polly find the next gold ring or will her host turn out to be a pain in the neck? Stay tuned to T. Bag and the Rings of Olympus.
Stay tuned preview (from start of episode)

Fun, you gotta have fun

(T-Shirt is alone in the T-Room watching something scary on the TV when he hears knocking sounds).
T-Shirt: Your Majesty, is that you? Who is it? Who's there? (Granny is in a mask and growls) Arrgh, urghh.
Granny Bag: (laughs) Gotcha! (She laughs again).
T-Shirt: Granny Bag.
Granny Bag: Oh you should have seen the look on your mug just then (she mimics his scared noises) laugh (she laughs), ourgh. Is the kettle on? My tongue feels like the bottom of a bird cage, here (laughs).
T-Shirt: Ourgh.
Granny Bag: Just one quick cuppa, then we'll be off. Any bickies?
T-Shirt: Granny what are you doing here?
Granny Bag: Don't just stand there with your cakehole hanging open, go get yourself ready.
T-Shirt: Huh?
Granny Bag: Brain into gear laddie, what's tonight eh? It's... come on it's... it's...
T-Shirt: Huh?
Granny Bag: Oh bowl me a googly, he's forgotten. Hallo... Hallo... Halloooo...
T-Shirt: Hello.
Granny Bag: Eurrghhh, give me strength and a couple of fig cakes.
T-Shirt: Granny what are you on about?
Granny Bag: Oh it's Hallo'een you ninny.
T-Shirt: Halloween?
Granny Bag: Mmm, you make a humdinger of a brew sunshine, hmm. Where's face-ache?
T-Shirt: Having a bath.
Granny Bag: Urh, here, I know, I know what we can... (laughs) we could chuck an electric eel in the water. Huh, that'll give her a shock eh, give her a shock (laughs).
T-Shirt: I don't think she'd appreciate that somehow.
Granny Bag: Hmm, trust me to get lumbered with a po-faced granddaughter. What that girl needs is a bit of fun in her life.
T-Shirt: She doesn't like fun. Tuna fish, Morris dancing and fun, her three pet hates.
Granny Bag: Well what I always say is you can live without tuna fish and Morris dancing but fun, you gotta have fun, wheeeeeeeeee.
T-Shirt: Urghh.
Granny Bag: Here, listen, I know what we can do. (Granny uses her magic and a big cloth sack appears on the table, she laughs) Here, see, look, one for you.

Added: 04/04/2022

Why don't we all go out trick or treating

T-Bag: Ah, do-do-do-do-do-do. Oh, a quick spray of the old brown nectar and offski, T-Shirt. Oh that boy, that boy.
(T-Shirt and Granny Bag appear dressed up as monsters, the make a variety of scary noises).
T-Bag: Don't you think you're getting a bit old for this kind of undignified tomfoolery?
T-Shirt: No.
T-Bag: Oh, not you, I was talking to my undignified juvenile grandmother.
Granny Bag: Ha, ha, ha. Hey, bung this on and let's boogie.
T-Bag: What?
T-Shirt: It's Halloween your Majesty, why don't we all go out trick or treating?
Granny Bag: Yeah.
T-Shirt: Do you want to borrow my hairy hand?
(Granny laughs).
T-Bag: I'm surrounded by buffoons, don't you realise we've got to stop that Polly pee-wee creature getting any more of those gold rings.
Granny Bag: Oh come on Tabatha, don't be such a party pooper.
T-Bag: I'll be whatever kind of pooper I like Granny, now butt out and mind your own beeswax. T-Shirt, I am going to get dressed now and I shall expect a full pot of you know what, uh, when I return. Granny...
Granny Bag: Yeh.
T-Bag: ...don't let us keep you from your own funeral.
Granny Bag: Ooh, ooh, very nice. (makes noise). Well what a hopeless case. Here, well sunbeam, you game for a giggle?
T-Shirt: Well, I shouldn't really. Oh, what the heck. You're only young once, I'm in.
Granny Bag: Ha, ha. Yee-ha! Put it there partner.
T-Shirt: Ha, ha. (He shakes her hand and the hairy hand comes off) Urgh, urgh!
Granny Bag: Ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha. Gotcha! Again! (Granny laughs).

Added: 04/04/2024

The T. Bag Fan Club

(Granny Bag & T-Shirt are in a deserted Transylvania)
T-Shirt: Granny, where is everyone?
Granny Bag: Do you know, I was just wondering that myself?
T-Shirt: It's like a meeting of the T-Bag Fan Club!

A real pain in the neck

Count Von Fledermause: Welcome, welcome, welcome, after you my dear.
Polly: It's a bit dark, isn't it?
Count Von Fledermause: One moment.
(He turns the lights on).
Polly: Lovely. Look, I can't stay long so about that ring.
Count Von Fledermause: Do take a seat my dear. Let me fix you a drink.
Polly: Oh, have you any lemonade then?
Count Von Fledermause: Lemonade, let me look, sit down, sit down. I don't get many visitors up here at Chateau Fledermause you know.
Polly: No wonder why.
Count Von Fledermause: I get so lonely sometimes. Living up here on my own can be a real pain in the neck. Uuuuurgh, pain in the neck, neck, neck, teeth biting into the neck, flesh, blood (he laughs).
Polly: You alright?
Count Von Fledermause: I'm fine, fine. There you are my dear, your drug, I mean your drink.
Polly: Thanks but after this I've really got to hit the road.
Count Von Fledermause: Of course but first, your very good health.
Polly: Mmm, I feel, what did you put in that?
Count Von Fledermause: You feel tired perhaps, I do hope that my conversation isn't boring you (Polly falls asleep). Boring, teeth boring into tender young necks (he laughs).

Added: 04/04/2016

A very serious vegetarian

Granny Bag: Not a soul to be seen. I mean you'd think on Halloween there'd be lots of people in the street all... This may be a stupid question but what's with the sausages?
T-Shirt: Protection.
Granny Bag: Protection, of course, silly me.
T-Shirt: From vampires.
Granny Bag: I thought it was garlic your supposed to protect you from vampires.
T-Shirt: They're garlic sausages.
Granny Bag: (sniffs sausages), Ah (laughs). What makes you think there's any vampires round here?
(He sees a bat flying).
T-Shirt: Look! (T-Shirt grunts and wave the sausages to ward off the bat).
Granny Bag: Oi. Oi. Don't, don't, don't, don't do that. Don't do that. That's only a little bat.
T-Shirt: Vampire, it's a vampire.
Granny Bag: Oh pull yourself together. (The count is seen putting his teeth back in) What if it was a vampire?
T-Shirt: It was, it was.
Granny Bag: What if it was, it was? So what?
T-Shirt: So it'll come flapping down and sink it's dirty great big fangs into your neck and suck all your blood out and turn you into one of the living dead.
Granny Bag: Give me one of them.
T-Shirt: Get off.
Granny Bag: Gimme.
T-Shirt: Get off.
Granny Bag: Gimme.
T-Shirt: I found them.
Granny Bag: Hand it over.
T-Shirt: Mine.
Granny Bag: Gimme one.
T-Shirt: Get off.
Granny Bag: Give.
Count Von Fledermause: Good evening.
Granny Bag & T-Shirt: Evening.
T-Shirt: Neh.
Granny Bag: Ourrggghhhhh.
T-Shirt: Ourrghhh.
(T-Shirts holds the sausages up in the shape of a cross, the count hisses and reels backwards).
Granny Bag: T-Shirt, T-Shirt, what are you doing?
T-Shirt: Vampire, it's a vampire. Don't panic.
Granny Bag: Oh, for heavens sssssssssssake. Oh, oh, huh, huh, huh. You must excuse my young friend, hee, sometimes he can be such a little clot.
Count Von Fledermause: Clot, blood clot, yummy doodle delish. Blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood.
Granny Bag: I'll buy one off ya.
(Granny holds up two garlic sausages, the Count screams and runs off).
T-Shirt: There...
Granny Bag: Woah.
T-Shirt:... I told you it was a vampire.
Granny Bag: Woah, either that or a very serious vegetarian.
T-Shirt: Come on Granny, let's get out of here.
Granny Bag: What? Not on your nelly.
T-Shirt: What?
Granny Bag: I'm going to get all this down on video.
T-Shirt: Eh?
(A camcorder appears on the table by magic).
Granny Bag: Heh, wait 'til the folks back home see this, oh, they'll be dead jealous.
T-Shirt: Yeah and we'll just be dead. Granny please.
Granny Bag: Oh, don't worry, don't worry. Listen when the chips are down these sausages will save our bacon, ha, ha, ha.
T-Shirt: Yeah, out of the frying pan, into the fire.

Added: 04/04/2020

Madam you are most forward

Count Von Fledermause: Ach.
T-Bag: Hello.
Count Von Fledermause: What?
T-Bag: Looking for something?
Count Von Fledermause: Mmmmmm, who are you?
T-Bag: Vampire von Bag. You may kiss my hand.
Count Von Fledermause: Hrgnnn.
T-Bag: But, no nibbling.
Count Von Fledermause: Hmmmm. You are beautiful.
T-Bag: I know, huh-ha. Are you feeling warm? Maybe you want to slip out of that cloak eh? May I?
Count Von Fledermause: Uh, Madam you are most forward, we have only just met.
T-Bag: Oh, come, come, don't be shy. I won't bite you, well?
Count Von Fledermause: Well it is getting a bit warmer, hmmm.
T-Bag: Oh, so slip out of that cloak.
Count Von Fledermause: No, maybe later.
T-Bag: Oh, ohhhh, oh, he's trying my patience, ouurghhh. Oh handsome, why don't you come and sit with me by the fire.
Count Von Fledermause: We do not have a fire.
T-Bag: (T-Bag uses her magic to light the fire) We do, now.

Added: 04/04/2021

The whole thing on video

T-Bag: Oh, what happened?
T-Shirt: I didn't mean to hit you over the head with the garlic sausage your Majesty.
T-Bag: Ohhh, what happened when I was out cold?
T-Shirt: Do you want the good news or the bad news?
T-Bag: Ouuugggghhhhh.
T-Shirt: The bad news is that Polly defeated the vampire and got the next gold ring.
T-Bag: What? So what's the good news?
Granny Bag: The good news is that I've got the whole thing on video, so we can sit back and enjoy it all over again, budge up duckie.

Added: 04/04/2015