T. Bag And The Sunstones Of Montezuma Episode 9: Y-Fronts

Granny Bag arrives in the T-Room and takes T-Shirt on her motorbike on holiday. They end up at a creepy castle where they meet monster called Y-Fronts who has the next sunstone. He runs off when Granny Bag lights up the fire and Penny meets up with him. T-Bag tricks him into getting Penny’s bag but will he give it back?
The High-T Website synopsis

Not another quest surely?

(Granny Bag appears by magic in the flying saucer on her motorbike).
Granny Bag: Yee-har, ride 'em cowboy (laughs).
T-Shirt: Granny Bag.
Granny Bag: How you doing sunshine? Like the new set of wheels eh? A mean machine this is, eats tarmac, vrrrm, vrrrrm (laughs).
T-Shirt: What are you doing here?
Granny Bag: Oh, where's glumbag?
T-Shirt: Through there having a tantrum.
Granny Bag: Nuh.
T-Shirt: Just follow the froth marks.
Granny Bag: Uh no, I don't want her. It's you I want. (She uses her magic and another helmet appears) Bung your bonce in here and let's hit the highway.
T-Shirt: Hey?
Granny Bag: You and me's off on holiday. Yeh, two wild weeks with your teeth rattling and the wind whistling through your knickerbockers, sounds great, eh, eh? Come on, let's rip up the road.
T-Shirt: I'd love to Granny but er...
Granny Bag: Oh no, not another quest surely?
T-Shirt: What else?
Granny Bag: Oh let her get on with it. You want some fun and laughs, you stick with Granny, hop on.
T-Shirt: Dead right, it's my life and I'll do what I want with it.
Granny Bag: Yeh, that's the spirit.
T-Bag (off screen): Where's that tea?
T-Shirt: Coming your Majes...
Granny Bag: Oh no you don't, come on, let's burn rubber. Rhhhhnnnn, rhhhhhnnnn, yee-har.
(Granny and T-Shirt disappear and T-Bag walks in).
T-Bag: What's go... what's going on in here, T-Shirt? T-Shirt?

Added: 04/04/2015

Not a nut I have left unturned

Granny Bag: You horrible, great tin lump. Work will you, work.
(Granny tries her magic but he motorbike doesn't work).
Granny Bag: Oh I do not understand it, there's not a nut I have left unturned.
T-Shirt: Granny, this might be a stupid question but you did put some petrol in it didn't you?
Granny Bag: Petrol? What's petrol?
T-Shirt: Granny you must have been to a petrol station.
Granny Bag: Course I have.
T-Shirt: And what did you buy there?
Granny Bag: A video, magazine, pint of milk, some sandwiches.
T-Shirt: But no petrol right? Fine. Come on, we'll ask at that castle up there, they might be able to help us.
Granny Bag: You, stay there. Oooh, yurh.
(T-Shirt and Granny Bag leave and then Penny appears).
Penny: 6, 7, 8. 8 down, 1 to go.

Added: 04/04/2019

Y-Fronts

Granny Bag: Hello.
T-Shirt: Granny.
Granny Bag: Hello, what’s your name eh?
Y-Fronts: Duhhh.
Granny Bag: Come on, you’ve got to have a name. I’ve got a name, he’s got a name.
Y-Fronts: What’s his name? What’s your name?
T-Shirt: T-Shirt.
Y-Fronts: T-Shirt, then me want to be called Y-Fronts.
Granny Bag: Y-Fronts?
Y-Fronts: Why not?
Granny Bag and T-Shirt: Why not indeed.

Course it is

Penny: Are you alright?
Y-Fronts: Hello.
Penny: Hello.
Y-Fronts: What's your name?
Penny: Penny.
Y-Fronts: Penny, that's a silly name.
Penny: What's your name?
Y-Fronts: Y-Fronts.
Penny: Course it is.
Y-Fronts: Corset, course-it is, you made a funny. Me like you. Me give you a present. Now shut your hands and hold out your eyes.
Penny: The other way around.
Y-Fronts: Oh right (he turns around), where'd you go?
Penny: I'm here.
Y-Fronts: How'd you do that. This for you (he holds out the sunstone).
Penny: Wow.

Added: 04/04/2012

As steady as a jelly in a lift

Y-Fronts: Hello.
T-Bag: Hello.
Y-Fronts: What's your name?
T-Bag: Tabatha.
Y-Fronts: Y-Fronts. You're a pretty lady.
T-Bag: I know.
Y-Fronts: Have you got a boyfriend?
T-Bag: Well, don't be stupid. I mean, I mean, I've been waiting for the right monster to come along.
Y-Fronts: Me never had a girlfriend.
T-Bag: You surprise me.
Y-Fronts: Will you be my girlfriend?
T-Bag: Well, what is in it for me?
Y-Fronts: Errrrrrrrrr.
T-Bag: If you want to be my boyfriend you have to give me something nice. You know what I mean.
Y-Fronts: Hmm, you wait there. (He brings back a tree) For you.
T-Bag: I don't want that you idiot. Urhhhh, I want this.
(T-Bag takes the Sunstone).
Y-Fronts: Does this mean we're going steady.
T-Bag: Oh as steady as a jelly in a lift.
Y-Fronts: Sounds fun.
T-Bag: Now you come with me lover boy, ha-hah, there's work to be done.

Added: 04/04/2016

We're having the time of our life

Granny Bag: Y-Fronts.
T-Shirt: Some holiday this is.
T-Bag: Where are you darling? You know what they say, love is better the forty-second time around.
Granny Bag: How true that is Tabatha.
T-Bag: Ohhhh.
Granny Bag: Here, I think he went this way.
T-Bag: I blame you for all this Granny Bag.
Granny Bag: Oh no need to thank me Tabatha, we're having the time of our life ain't we? (She laughs).
T-Shirt: Oh sure.
T-Bag: Oh you two can do what you like, I'm going to take a shortcut across there.
Granny Bag: Oh no, don't, don't, it's not safe.
T-Bag: Oh bumpkin and balderdash. I've got to get that bag, and I don't mean tomorrow. Oh darling, sweetie pie, where are you?
(T-Bag wanders off).
Granny Bag: She won't be told, it'll all end in tears, come on.

Added: 04/04/2022

Right up to her neck in it

Y-Fronts: Ohhhhhhhh, ohhhh, my nose, my nose (he cries).
Penny: Y-Fronts, are you hurt?
Y-Fronts: My nose. My nose.
Penny: You've got a big splinter in it. Hold still, don't move.
(Penny pulls out the splinter).
Y-Fronts: Ohh, thank you. You really are my friend aren't you?
Penny: Of course I am.
Y-Fronts: Me give you present.
Penny: Third time lucky.
(T-Bag appears).
T-Bag: Right, hold it right there you bug-eyed, bug-eyed booby, you too Y-Fronts. One false move and I'll strike this match.
Y-Fronts: No.
T-Bag: Oh yes, now give me that bag.
Penny: No.
Y-Fronts: No I... I won't.
T-Bag: Right, right, this is a little present dear from an old flame. Ha, ha, ha. (As we hear gurgling sounds T-Bag attempts to strike several matches but each of them fail to light). Oh blast. Oh. Oh blast. Oh, blast, blast, oh.
Y-Fronts: She's getting smaller, she's shrinking.
Penny: She's not shrinking, she's sinking. (Penny picks up a wooden sign) It says danger quicksand.
Y-Fronts: I never heard it.
(T-Bag has sunk into the quicksand past her waist).
T-Bag: Uuurrrghhhhhh, ooughhhhh, huuurrrggghhh.
Y-Fronts: There.
(Y-Fronts hands Penny her bag and she puts the last Sunstone in it).
Penny: Unbelievable, I've done it, I've got the lot and it's all thanks to you.
(She kisses him on the cheek).
Y-Fronts: Durrrh.
Penny: Come on, let's get you home.
T-Bag: Huuurh, oooohh, huurhh. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh, uuughh, hmmm.
(Penny and Y-Fronts leave and Granny Bag and T-Shirt appear).
Granny Bag: Urrrghhh. Oourgh. Where is everyone?
T-Bag: Oi, somebody help me.
(T-Shirt and Granny Bag laugh as they see T-Bag has sunk into the quicksand up to her neck).
Granny Bag: Oh Tabatha, you're in it this time (laughs).
T-Shirt: Yeah, right up to her neck in it, cos Penny's got all nine of the sunstones and if you don't stop her, like double quick, you're sunk.
T-Bag: Oh, oh get me out of here you idiot! (She whimpers)

Added: 04/04/2024