T. Bag And The Sunstones Of Montezuma Episode 1: In The Footsteps Of Kit Bag

T-Bag wants to find the Sunstones of Montezuma from the legend of Kit Bag and Sir Paisley Shirt. They meet up with Diggory and Penny who are also looking for the sunstones in the temple. When Diggory makes the sunstones vanish Penny has to go find them so her quest begins.
The High-T Website synopsis

The legendary lost temple of Montezuma

Sir Paisley Shirt: Bowl me a googly milady. Look!
Kit Bag: Oh, ah. The legendary lost temple of Montezuma.
Sir Paisley Shirt: Well, what are we waiting for, let's get at it.
Kit Bag: Sir Paisley, no, no.
Sir Paisley Shirt: Look, this must be the way in.
(Sir Paisley turns a dial on the temple wall but Kit pulls him to the side just as stones fall where he had previously stood).
Kit Bag: Ah, urgh.
Sir Paisley Shirt: You saved my life, again.
Kit Bag: Oh don't take it personally, I need you to carry the bags, now stand aside. (Kit turns another dial and the temple door opens) Eureka.
Sir Paisley Shirt: Well, that's that. All jolly interesting but... (Looks at his pocket watch) Good grief is that the time? I'm meant to be opening the batting for the Steeple Cheesewick Eleven at twelve. Must fly, bye.
Kit Bag: Oh you little lily livered yellow belly. I've never met anyone so lacking in guts. Don't you realise the all powerful Sunstones of Montezuma lie somewhere within those walls.
Sir Paisley Shirt: Well go and get them then.
Kit Bag: I shall. You first.
Sir Paisley Shirt: Ooh. Wild elephants wouldn't drag me in there. You're on your own old bean.
Kit Bag: Oh typical man, stand aside.
(Kit goes into the temple).
Kit Bag: Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggghhhhhhhhhhh!
Sir Paisley Shirt: I say, Kit. Kit? Ooh, uh (The temple door closes). Crikey!

Added: 04/04/2024

Once a Shirt, always a Shirt

T-Shirt: Did they escape? Did she find what she was after? What happened to her?
T-Bag: If you stop pulling my arm off I'll be able to turn the next page and find out. After Kit disappeared into the darkness and the door had slammed shut behind her, I squatted on my... uurrrhhh, what's that?
T-Shirt: Palliasse.
T-Bag: Palliasse and perused my options.
T-Shirt: And? Wh.. what did he do?
T-Bag: Bowled Archie Nibbler for a duck on the third ball of the over.
T-Shirt: What?
T-Bag: Ohhhhh!
T-Shirt: What happened to Kit Bag?
T-Bag: The rest of the diary's all about cricket, huh.
T-Shirt: I don't believe it.
T-Bag: Oh trust a Shirt to go swanning off to a cricket match when a bag's in the soup, hmm.
T-Shirt: Well don't blame me.
T-Bag: Oh you're no different from your Grandfather was. Hmm, spinelessness runs in the family.
T-Shirt: Sir Paisley Shirt was a great man.
T-Bag: Yeah and King Kong was a great tortoise.
T-Shirt: Well your stupid Auntie Kit Bag was no better. What are these Sunstones of Montezuma anyway?
T-Bag: Hmmmmmm, you'll find out soon enough.
T-Shirt: You don't mean that... oh no!
T-Bag: Oh yes. I can feel it, we're over that very same part of the jungle, ohhhh. Come on, let's go.
T-Shirt: Huh, uh, oh, good grief is that the time? I'm meant to be opening the batting for the Tea Making Academy's softball team at twelve. Gotta go, cheerio.
T-Bag: Once a Shirt, always a Shirt!

Added: 04/04/2024

The footsteps of our forebears

T-Shirt: Fabulous, great, now what?
T-Bag: We follow in the footsteps of our forebears.
T-Shirt: What? Like Goldilocks?
T-Bag: No, that was three bears. Oh, what am I talking about? Less of the lip Shirty, move it.

Added: 04/04/2016

Diggory's Head

Diggory: Now I remember, I put it in my hat. Where did I put my hat?
Penny: It’s on your head.
T-Bag: I take it you do know where your head is?
Diggory: Of course I do, it’s in the British Museum.
T-Bag: What?
Diggory: My Amazonian shrunken head.

Don't you like croissant?

Diggory: Morning.
Penny: Have a good night?
T-Bag: No I did not.
Diggory: Oh, mosquitoes was it?
T-Bag: Not exactly, one little bug got right up my nose.
Diggory: Oh bad luck, well look, why don't you come and join us for breakfast, we've got er Muesli, we've got cornflakes, porridge, toast, five kinds of marmalade, we've got kippers, bacon and eggs, coffee, tea, freshly squeezed grapefruit juice, croissant of course. (T-Bag grabs Diggory) What's the matter, don't you like croissant?
T-Bag: Where is that map?
Diggory: Oh.
Penny: So that's it, I knew there was something off about you two. Is this what you're looking for? (Penny drops the map on the fire) Tough!
T-Bag: You little vandal.
T-Shirt: Well that wasn't very bright was it? Now how are you going to find your way in?
Penny: Easily, cos what you don't know is that my Dad's got a photographic memory and he's memorised the whole map. Right Dad?
Diggory: Right. What map?
Penny: The map of the temple.
Diggory: Ooh that. Yes! Oh yes, that's right, yes, it's all in here, hmm, every last detail.
Penny: Now you two, get lost.
T-Bag: Just you wait, pee pee Penny piffle pants, we'll be back.

Added: 04/04/2014

This is it, and those are they, the Sunstones of Montezuma

T-Bag: Oh, Just as I thought, my plan's working like clockwork. We have located the central chamber, am I good or am I not. Ha ha ha...
T-Shirt: Wow.
T-Bag: This is it, and those are they, the Sunstones of Montezuma.
T-Shirt: And very nice they are. Now can we go?
T-Bag: This is the moment I've been waiting for, all my life.
T-Shirt: What are you doing?
T-Bag: The power of the sun is within me, at last I feel the solar energy pulsing through the fibre of my being, I will be almight.
(Diggory and Penny enter the chamber)
Diggory: You, now I understand, Penny get back.
T-Bag: You're too late Mr Archaeologist, nothing can stop me now, I'm charged with the power of the sun, the world will grovel at my feet. Haaaaaaaaa...
Diggory: Not if I can help it, Ecaps dna emit ni tsoleb dna rettacs senots nus yawa!
(The sunstones vanish)
T-Bag: What? You! Where are those Sunstones gone?
Diggory: Gone, lost, scattered through time and space, where you'll never find them.
T-Shirt: I don't believe it.
T-Bag: You interfering twerp.
T-Shirt: Right, how long do you reckon this quest going to take?
T-Bag: Come on, come on, back to the T-Room.
Diggory: I'll get those stones and destroy them rather than let you use them for your evil purposes.
T-Bag: We'll soon see about that.
(T-Bag zaps the wall behind Diggory)
Penny: Look out Dad, run.

Added: 04/04/2012

One of the sunstones

Diggory: Those stones have to be found and destroyed.
Penny: But how?
Diggory: There is a way. Ooh.
Penny: You're not going anywhere. I'll go, tell me what to do.
Diggory: Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, it's far too dangerous.
Penny: It'll be more dangerous if T-Bag gets them first.
Diggory: Well, I can't argue with that, alright.
(He shows her the sunstone he picked up in the temple).
Penny: One of the sunstones.
Diggory: Take it, it'll lead you to the others. Go now Penny and be careful.
Penny: You too Dad. What's happening?
(Penny disappears).
Diggory: You'll be alright. Hurry back Penny, hurry back.

Added: 04/04/2020

Your cruddy quests

(T-Shirt is on the phone).
T-Shirt: That's right, Sins of the Flesh concert, two tickets, front row, cancel them. (T-Shirt hangs up) You and your cruddy quests, my social calendar's right up the spout.
T-Bag: Arrrghhhh, I'll get those Sunstones and woe betide the world when I do.

Added: 04/04/2015