T. Bag And The Sunstones Of Montezuma Episode 6: Ra Ra Rasputin

The Russian Queen is being tricked by Doctor Popov. He is stealing her treasure and when Penny arrives she is the one who is accused, T-Bag sees the sunstone which Popov uses to heal her and when Popov wants to marry the Queen, T-Bag sets out to get the next Sunstone!
The High-T Website synopsis

Is It Bad?

Tsarina: Is it bad?
Doctor Popov: What is bad? Is waking up in the middle of the night and finding your legs have fallen off bad?
Tsarina: Yes.
Doctor Popov: Then it is bad.
Tsarina: Whoaahh. No, no I’m too young, oh no, Doctor Popov you are a doctor, say you can save me, say you can save me, say you can save me.
Doctor Popov: Alright I can save you.
Tsarina: You’re just saying that.

Time to think

T-Bag: Ahoy Shirty. And no sign of pee-wee.
T-Shirt: Oh, well, what's the plan then?
T-Bag: Oh, give me time, give me time to think.
T-Shirt: Ok, I'll just go and write a novel.

Added: 04/04/2012

Cossacks!

T-Bag: Oh Pee-wee parrot face in it up to her armpits. Now's our chance, I've got it. Cossacks!
T-Shirt: Yeah, I'm sure it will be.

Added: 04/04/2024

The notorious Penny pee-wee pincher

Tsarina: Oh blast, guards, guards, come quickly.
(T-Bag & T-Shirt appear dressed as cossacks).
T-Bag: Evening all. (Shouts) Attention, raise arms, (Shouts) at ease.
Tsarina: That was very quick.
T-Bag: We would have been quicker Maam but there was an uprising in the Urals.
T-Shirt: Oh yeah, doesn't half make your eyes water that I'll tell you.
T-Bag: Atta, atta, ahh.
Tsarina: Guards, there, there is a thief in the palace.
T-Bag: Oh yes, not a little blonde girl with a face you'd love to slap, huh?
Tsarina: Yes, that's the one.
T-Bag: I thought as much, it's the notorious Penny pee-wee pincher, public enemy numero uno.
Tsarina: Find her and you can name your reward.
T-Bag: And name it we shall. We'll name the sunstone as our reward. Come Dmitrus, best boot forward, Cossacks away.

Added: 04/04/2015

Ignore The T-Caddy

Doctor Popov: Where is the old bag?
Penny: Oh no you don't.
Doctor Popov: What?
Penny: Right mister you've got some explaining to do.
Doctor Popov: I've what?
Tsarina: What is all the... Ahh you.
T-Bag: Pee-wee.
Penny: T-Bag.
Tsarina: Grigori.
Doctor Popov: Your Majesty, your Majesty.
Tsarina: Grigori.
Penny: T-Bag.
T-Bag: Pee-wee.
T-Shirt: Oh that's right everybody just ignore me, I'm only the T-Caddy.
T-Bag: Shut up.

This tedious little plot

T-Shirt: Then you've got the audacity to call me hopeless. Ha, you! You give failure a bad name, you do. Binbag, Windbag. Huh, I'll tell you something, the day it started raining brains you had your brolly up girl.
T-Bag: If you don't shut that sore outlet that talks like a mouth, I'll get hold of a staple gun and shut it for you. Give me that tea. Ohhh. (T-Bag starts to drink the cup of tea) Ohhh, that's better. I'll get to the bottom of this tedious little plot, if it's the last thing you ever do. (T-Bag pours the dregs onto the saucer and looks into it) Ourghhh, now where are we?

Added: 04/04/2021

Poor little idea

T-Bag: How very interesting T-Shirt, I've just thought of an idea.
T-Shirt: Oh poor little idea, all alone in that big empty head.
T-Bag: I just thought of an ingenious way of relieving old plum belly of the sunstone, but you have got to help me.
T-Shirt: Just call me the walking crutch.
T-Bag: Come on, I'll explain on the way.

Added: 04/04/2014

A little wedding present from all wee Cossacks

Doctor Popov: My darling.
Tsarina: Oh my love. This was my babushka's wedding dress. Does it suit me?
Doctor Popov: Like fur suits a stoat my precious.
Tsarina: Oh, you say the sweetest things. Pop off Popov and fetch a priest, we shall be wed at once.
Doctor Popov: You impetuous creature.
Tsarina: You devil.
(Popov leaves and T-Bag and T-Shirt appear dressed up as Cossacks).
T-Shirt: You're mad, that'll never work.
T-Bag: Go and get that other costume on and belt up.
(T-Shirt leaves).
T-Bag: Oh your Majesty.
Tsarina: You again.
T-Bag: We've just heard the smashing news. A little wedding present from all wee Cossacks and all the big ones as well.
Tsarina: Why thank you. May I open it?
T-Bag: Please do.
Tsarina: Oh!
(She opens the present and a boxing glove hits and knocks her out).

Added: 04/04/2025