T-Bag Bounces Back Episode 3: Ivan The Horrible

Back to: Home page | Series Index

Prev Ep | Series 3 - Episode 3 | Next Ep

UK Air DateFri 06/02/1987, 4.20pm
Repeat ScreeningThurs 20/07/1989, 4.25pm
Copyright YearMCMLXXXVI (1986)
VTR Date03/11/1986
Fremantle Archive Ref35292 (series ref)
Runtime00:19:33:23
Consecutive Episode Number23
IMDB LinkEpisode page

T. Bag (Tallulah Bag)Elizabeth Estensen
T. Shirt/
Ivan The Horrible
John Hasler
DebbieJennie Stallwood
Count BorisFrank Thornton
The QueenMaggie Wells

Make UpAnn Briggs
Costume DesignerRaymond Childe
Graphic DesignerAlex Forbes
Stage ManagerBobby Webber
Production AssistantJoanna Stewart
Written ByLee Pressman
Grant Cathro
DesignerJohn Plant
ProducersCharles Warren
Leon Thau
DirectorLeon Thau

It is the day of the coronation of Prince Ivan, the Queen’s son, but Count Boris, her brother, wants to be King. Count Boris plans with T-Bag and T-Shirt to replace T-Shirt with Prince Ivan as they look exactly alike so T-Bag can get her hands on the bell which is on the crown. Can Debbie spoil T-Bag’s plan in time before T-Bag gets the bell?
The High-T Website synopsis
Debbie is now in the Russian land of the Tsars. Count Boris is after the crown and is prepared to steal it from his horrible nephew, Prince Ivan, helped by T-Shirt and T-Bag. Things start to go adrift when Debbie, daughter of the Queen, thinks she sees two Prince Ivans. Who is the real Prince Ivan? Only a bag of sweets can decide.
TV Times listing

If you would like to contribute your favourite/funniest etc quotes from this episode please contact me.

Not Prince Ivan

Count Boris: I shouldn't be doing this! I'm Count Boris and I should be King Boris the fifteenth for Pete's sake, oh what a King I'd be. I am the mighty King Boris, I put fear into the hearts of all my subjects. I am ruthless, I am merciless (T-Shirt appears), I am..... I am sorry.
T-Shirt: Hello.
Count Boris: Oh please forgive me, I was only larking about, (laughs) I'm a fool, an idiot, an imbecile. I'm not fit to so much as lick your boots. Have I shined your crown to your liking young Prince?
T-Shirt: Prince? I don't know what your talking about.
Count Boris: Oh, (laughs), young Prince Ivan does like his little japes, doesn't he (laughs).
I'm not Prince Ivan or Prince anybody, my name's T-Shirt.
Count Boris: You're not Prince Ivan. (laughs), oh, you're not, you're not Prince Ivan.
T-Shirt: No.
Count Boris: You look like Prince Ivan. You sound like Prince Ivan.
T-Shirt: But I'm not Prince Ivan. Please believe me.
Count Boris: Please? Please! Prince Ivan never said please in his whole life. Well, well, there's a thing, an exact likeness, oh I love it (laughs). So what are you doing here?
T-Shirt: I want the bell off that crown, can I have it?
Count Boris: Perhaps you can, perhaps you can't.
T-Shirt: Eh?
Count Boris: You can have the bell off this crown if you do a little something to help me.
T-Shirt: Great, anything, you name it.
Count Boris: Oh, I like this boy, I like this boy very much, this boy's going to help make me the King (laughs).

Added: 23/03/2013

Three cheers for King Boris

Count Boris: It's working like a dream, what a good lad. (T-Bag appears) Eh, who are you?
T-Bag: Never mind that, where's that boy you were with just now?
Count Boris: Arh, you mean young Prince Ivan.
T-Bag: Don't shoot me that hogwash, I know who he is.
Count Boris: He's Prince Ivan I tell you.
T-Bag: Balderdash! T-Shirt that's who.
Count Boris: But you, but Madam I beg to differ, but, erm.
T-Bag: Alright, what's going on here?
Count Boris: You don't honestly expect me to tell you that do you?
(T-Bag uses her magic on Count Boris).
T-Bag: Tell me.
Count Boris: The Queen wants the Prince to be King, but I want to be King, then along comes the Prince's exact double, we do a deal, he impersonates the Prince and is crowned in his place, straight after the coronation he decides he doesn't want to be King and crowns me instead, this makes me very happy, three cheers for King Boris, hip, hip.
(T-Bag clicks her fingers to bring Boris out of her spell).
T-Bag: And what does T-Shirt get out of all this?
Count Boris: A little gold bell.
T-Bag: A little...
Count Boris: Yeh, it's on the crown, it's, it's his part of the deal.
T-Bag: The clever little lad and there was me thinking badly of him. Well Mister, I like your plan very much.
Count Boris: Hmmm, there's only one problem.
T-Bag: What?
Count Boris: The real Prince. I've got to get him out of the way so the plan will work and I've no idea where he is.
T-Bag: I do, I have him.
Count Boris: You have him. But, well don't just stand there, bring him here.
T-Bag: Don't you order me about like that, I'm in on this now remember. I'll do what I think is best.
Count Boris: Oh yes, and what do you think is best?
T-Bag: I... think I'll bring him here.
Count Boris: What a good idea.
(T-Bag disappears).

Added: 23/03/2013

The way to treat them

Count Boris: At, at last!
Prince Ivan: Let go of me you stupid woman.
T-Bag: With pleasure.
Prince Ivan: Uncle Boris, I command you to take her and lock her up at once, do you hear Uncle?
Count Boris: You miserable little worm, your commanding days are over, here, come on.
Prince Ivan: What!
(He pushes him into the cell).
Count Boris: Now get in there.
T-Bag: That's the way to treat them.
(Coronation music begins to play).
Count Boris: The coronation, it's about to start.
T-Bag: Any minute now that bell will be mine. This I have to see.

Added: 23/03/2013

One of your favourite sweeties

The Queen: And so without further ado I hereby crown you....
Prince Ivan: Stop! Who are you?
T-Shirt (as Ivan): Prince Ivan! Who do you think I am? Stupid!
Prince Ivan: No you're not! I'm Prince Ivan.
T-Shirt (as Ivan): How can you be Prince Ivan, when I'm up here getting this stupid crown put on my head? You're an imposter.
The Queen: I don't understand.
Debbie: Well done your Highness.
T-Shirt (as Ivan): Oh thanks. It was nothing.
The Queen: Thanks?
Debbie: No really, you were wonderful. Here, have one of your favourite sweeties.
T-Shirt (as Ivan): Erm.
Debbie: You remember. The ones you said you really liked.
T-Shirt (as Ivan): Oh yeah! Great, thanks.
The Queen: This boy's an imposter. This is Prince Ivan.
T-Bag: You stupid boy!
(T-Bag and T-Shirt disappear).
Count Boris: I'm, I'm, I'm sure you'll excuse me. I've forgot I, I have to go abroad for a few years. Be seeing you, bye bye (laughs).
(Count Boris rushes out of the room).
The Queen: Oh Ivan, how will you ever forgive me? And I can't thank you enough. Name your reward for saving the day.
Debbie: Alright. Could I have that little gold bell that's on the crown please?
The Queen: Is that all? Ooh. With pleasure.
Debbie: Oh great.
Prince Ivan: Mother.
The Queen: Yes dear.
Prince Ivan: That other boy impersonating me.
The Queen: What about him?
Prince Ivan: What, do I really behave like that?
The Queen: Well erm....
Prince Ivan: Am I really such a horrible pain in the neck?
Debbie: Well, to tell you the truth.
The Queen: Yes.
Prince Ivan: I hadn't realised until now.
The Queen: It's never too late to change.
Prince Ivan: Well, now that I'm king, things are going to be different around here. Thanks for making me King Mum.
The Queen: Oh you're welcome dear.
Prince Ivan: And thank you too.
Debbie: It was nothing.
Prince Ivan: Well goodbye.
The Queen: Goodbye.
Debbie: Bye bye.

Added: 04/04/2015

"Realistic Scenery"
When Ivan is playing ball with Debbie, he throws it outside through the window and it hits one of the bushes which starts to wobble.

For more mistakes from other episodes, please see the Nitpicker's Guide

  • The name of the character 'Ivan The Horrible' is based on the real-life Tsar of Russia, 'Ivan the Terrible' who reigned from 1547.
  • Frank Thornton, who played Count Boris, sadly passed away on 16th March 2013, aged 92.
  • According to the 'Episode One - Handwritten Script' found on the T-Bag Bounces Back DVD, this 'Russian Doubles' episode was originally intended to be episode four.
  • According to the 'Rehearsal Script - Episode 3' found on the T-Bag Bounces Back DVD, but not mentioned during the episode, this episode was set in the Kingdom of Muckrovia.

  • Frank Thornton, who plays Count Boris, appears in two episodes throughout the nine series of T-Bag. This is his first of his two appearances.
    (T. Bag and The Revenge of the T. Set, Episode 9: The Bard)
  • This episode features another character who looks identical to T-Shirt, but still played by John Hasler. This happens several times throughout the series.
    (T. Bag and The Pearls of Wisdom, Episode 7: Tut Tut)
    (T. Bag and The Sunstones of Montezuma, Episode 1: In The Footsteps Of Kit Bag)
    (T. Bag and The Sunstones of Montezuma, Episode 5: Hippies)
  • This episode features two characters, played by the same actor, who have the same appearance. This happens several times throughout the series.
    (Turn on to T-Bag, Episode 5: Pyramids)
    (T. Bag and The Revenge of the T. Set, Episode 7: Anastasia)
    (T. Bag and The Sunstones of Montezuma, Episode 1: In The Footsteps Of Kit Bag)
    (T. Bag and The Sunstones of Montezuma, Episode 10: Montezuma's Revenge)
    (Take off with T. Bag, Episode 7: Phantom Of The Opera)
    (Take off with T. Bag, Episode 9: The Red Shoes)