T-Bag Bounces Back Episode 4: Black Hearted Belle

Debbie arrives on a beach near a pirate ship so she hides her bag in the sand. She gets kidnapped by a pirate named Black Hearted Belle who takes her back to her ship. When Debbie tries to escape she falls and loses her memory Belle tells her she is Red Headed Rosie, one of her crew. T-Bag pretends to be Belle’s lost cousin Mildred to get the bell from Belle but her plans go wrong as usual.
The High-T Website synopsis

Debbie goes to a desert island and is captured by Black Hearted Belle, a pirate. Mrs Merry comes to clean for T-Bag and becomes a good friend of T-Shirt. All of them eventually arrive on Belle’s ship where Debbie has lost her memory. When T-Bag arrives on the ship in search of the missing bell, strange things begin to happen.
TV Times listing

You're caught, hook, line and sinker

Debbie: Oh no, pirates. Well I'm not hanging around here to get my gold bells stolen, I'm off.
Black Hearted Belle (off screen): Ha, ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha!
Debbie: The next gold bell.
Black Hearted Belle: Somebody call my name? Who be there?
Debbie: Oh no.
(Debbie hides her bag under a pile of sand).
Black Hearted Belle: Well chop me up into little pieces and feed me to the sharks, what have we here?
Debbie: Let go of me.
Black Hearted Belle: Ooh, arh, a right little firecracker eh. Well, no point in putting up a struggle. You're caught, hook, line and sinker.
Debbie: Let go.
Black Hearted Belle: Black Hearted Belle don't take kindly to snivelling little snoopers spying round her secret hideaway.
Debbie: Belle, so that's why you're wearing that earring.
Black Hearted Belle: Button your lip girl, I knows you've come to rob old Belle of her hard wonned booty. Ain't ya, admit it!
Debbie: No.
Black Hearted Belle: Well lash me to the anchor and drop me in the ocean. You're coming with Belle, back to the ship.
Debbie: Get your hands off me.
Black Hearted Belle: Go on lass, step lively, come on.

Added: 04/04/2021

Mrs Merry the cleaning lady

Mrs. Merry: Coo-ee, coo-ee, yu-hoo. It's only me, well Major, it's Thursday again, time doesn't half fly, eh? And none of us is getting any younger that's for sure and that mountain path of yours doesn't get any shorter either. Phew, I'm all in, be alright in a minute though 'specially if you put the kettle on. Oh, hello? Morning.
T-Shirt: Good morning.
Mrs. Merry: Where's Major Happy?
T-Bag: Gone, who are you?
Mrs. Merry: Gone, where's he gone? He can't have gone, this is his house.
T-Bag: Was his house, now it's my house.
Mrs. Merry: Ooo-err.
T-Bag: There's been a few changes round here, now who are you?
Mrs. Merry: I'm Mrs Merry the cleaning lady, Major Happy's cleaning lady.
T-Bag: Well too bad, you can just pack up your bucket and be off.
Mrs. Merry: But it's Thursday morning, I always give this place a once-over on Thursday morning.
T-Bag: T. Shirt, show this person the door.
T-Shirt: Right. This is the door, here. Nice, isn't it?
Mrs. Merry: A proper little joker you got there, Mrs!
T-Bag: A proper little pain, more like!
Mrs. Merry: Ohh, what a great lot of toys, did you get these for your birthday?
T-Shirt: No, I magic them up.
Mrs. Merry: Oh-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o, this is a Meccano main Hornby train set.
T-Shirt: Yes, that's right.
Mrs. Merry: And did you magic up this Wellington bomber?
T-Shirt: Yes.
Mrs. Merry: Oh-o-o-o-o, you are a lucky boy. Look at that!
T-Shirt: This is Gore, the lord protector.
Mrs. Merry: Yeah, but there's a later model, it goes marh-morh-marh-morh-marh-morh.
T-Bag: I don't believe this, T-Shirt!
Mrs. Merry: Oh, I love playing with children and I love a good laugh. Laugh and the world laughs with you, isn't that right Mrs? Well, seeing as how I'm here I might as well get cracking.
T-Bag: Don't you understand English? I said get out of here.
T-Shirt: Oh, let Mrs Merry stay your Majesty, I bet she's much better at housework than I am.
T-Bag: Well, she couldn't be any worse.
Mrs. Merry: I never had any complaints from Major Happy.
T-Shirt: Oh, let her stay, you said yourself the place was a shambles.
T-Bag: Alright, stay, but hear this I want this place fit for a Queen, is that clear?
Mrs. Merry: Clear as a bell, Mrs.

Added: 04/04/2013

It's time for tea

(Laughter of Mrs Merry and T-Shirt).
Mrs. Merry (Off screen): Ooh, it's my turn now.
T-Bag: T-Shirt, it's time for tea, T-Shirt!
T-Shirt: Coming (laughs). What?
T-Bag: What? I said it's time for tea. You pair are really getting on my nerves you know.
T-Shirt: What have I done now?
T-Bag: It's what you haven't done, I can't get any sense from you at all. T-Shirt what are you doing?
T-Shirt: You said it's time for tea so I'm taking Mrs Merry a cup.
T-Bag: Give that to me.
T-Shirt: (Giggles) Only joking.
T-Bag: Only joking, I'm sick of your jokes and I'm sick of Mrs Merry.
T-Shirt: Oh she's great, at least she plays with me. She's great.
T-Bag: Herh. Now, let's see what Miss Gingernut is up to. Muffins and meringues, what in the name of toasted teacakes is she playing at? Smells decidedly fishy to me. Oh, so that's her little game. She's trying to win round that ridiculous woman pirate and woo the bell from her. Well, two can play at that game. T-Shirt I'm off out.
T-Shirt: Where are you going?
T-Bag: Never you mind, I don't want you around to foul things up. And that busybody Mrs clever clever Merry had better be gone by the time I get back. Pirates, hmm.

Added: 04/04/2019

My long lost cousin

Debbie: How am I doing Captain? Everything shipshape enough for you.
Black Hearted Belle: Ah lass, that it be.
(T-Bag appears but out of view from Belle and Debbie).
Black Hearted Belle: You know something shipmate, I can't help thinking how much you does remind me of somebody.
Debbie: Who's that Captain, 'ems dyin' to 'ear.
T-Bag: Oooh the little creep!
Black Hearted Belle: You reminds me of my long lost cousin, Mildred her name was, she was a livewire just like you. Oh we haven't clapped eyes on one another since we was girls.
Debbie: Why not?
Black Hearted Belle: Why not? I'll tell ye. Age of twelve we both was when we packed ourselves up and set off to sea, we stowed away onboard a ship bound for adventure and adventure's what we got alright.
Debbie: What happened?
Black Hearted Belle: Well, ten days out to sea and a storm broke, a real humdinger. The ship went down like a brick but I was lucky, I grabbed me a barrel and I clung to it for a fortnight before being washed up on a reef.
Debbie: What about Mildred Cap'n?
Black Hearted Belle: Oh, dunno lass, haven't heard hide or hair of her since, I expect Davy Jones has got her now. Oh poor Mildred, she was a fine girl. I'll never forget her.
Debbie: Don't be cryin' Cap'n.
Black Hearted Belle: Crying? Who be crying? Pirates never cry, get back to work there.
Debbie: Aye aye Cap'n.
(Belle leaves and T-Bag accosts Debbie).
T-Bag: Aye, aye, Cap'n, don't be cryin' Cap'n.
Debbie: Hello there shipmate.
T-Bag: Don't give me that cheek, I know what you're up to, cut the cackle and where's the bag?
Debbie: What bag?
T-Bag: Now look here Deborah.
Debbie: I'm not Deborah, I'm Red-headed Rosie, rascal of the reef, scourge of the seven seas. And who might you be shipmate?
T-Bag: You impudent little pup, I'll get that bell.
Debbie: Don't you worry shipmate, I'll get her for you. Cap'n, Cap'n, somebody to see you.
(Debbie leaves to fetch Belle).
T-Bag: How I loath and detest that child.
(Belle comes back).
Black Hearted Belle: What's this? What's all this? Somebody to see me? Who be you?
T-Bag: Belay me hearty, pieces of eight, and blow me down with a wooden leg, ar Jimlad arr!
Black Hearted Belle: What do you want?
T-Bag: Belle? Belle? Is it really you?
Black Hearted Belle: Who wants to know?
T-Bag: Don't you even recognise me? It's me, your long lost cousin Mildred.
Black Hearted Belle: It can't be.
T-Bag: It is.
Black Hearted Belle: You can't be.
T-Bag: I am.
Black Hearted Belle: Mildred. Ohhhhh, oh, well is it really you?
T-Bag: Arh me hearty, it is me, large as life.
Black Hearted Belle: Well run me up the flagpole and throw me off the crow's nest, me long lost cousin.

Added: 04/04/2014

Crossed swords with the wrong person

Black Hearted Belle: Two gold bells, this mean anything to you lass?
Debbie: No, no I don't think so.
(T-Bag appears).
T-Bag: Well it does to me.
(Debbie falls and her memory returns).
Debbie: Oh. I know you, I remember you, you're T-Bag.
Black Hearted Belle: You're not my cousin Mildred.
T-Bag: Oh it's twigged has it?
Black Hearted Belle: Ah-arh, well whoever you are, you've crossed swords with the wrong person this time. En guard.
T-Bag: If you insist (T-Bag swipes her sword several times). Ha ha!
(T-Bag slices the rope with the sword which releases the sail which falls and knocks her out).
Black Hearted Belle: Impostor, of course I knew all along she wasn't my cousin Mildred.
(Mrs. Merry appears).
Mrs. Merry: Hmm, somebody call my name?
Black Hearted Belle: Mildred?
Mrs. Merry: That's me.
Black Hearted Belle: It's me, Belle, cousin Belle.
Mrs. Merry: My cousin. Ohhhhh!
(T-Shirt appears).
T-Shirt: Mrs Merry?
Black Hearted Belle: After all these years.
Mrs. Merry: After all these years.
(T-Bag comes round but has lost her memory).
T-Bag: Oh, hello dear, who are you?
T-Shirt: Eh?
T-Bag: You're a charming little girl, what's your name?
Debbie: You know my name, now give me that bag.
T-Bag: What bag's that dear?
Debbie: The one in your hand.
T-Shirt: (Laughs) That’s a laugh, isn’t it, your Majesty? Her thinking you're just going to hand it over (Laughs).
T-Bag: Well if it's the little girl's bag I must return it to her, mustn't I?
T-Shirt: Eh?
T-Bag: There you are petal, all yours.
T-Shirt: What are you doing?
T-Bag: What's your name little boy?
T-Shirt: I think I better take you home.
T-Bag: Home? Where's that?
T-Shirt: Come on, we're going.
T-Bag: But you haven't introduced me to all your nice friends.
T-Shirt: Come on.
(T-Bag and T-Shirt disappear).
Debbie: Well that's all very strange. Belle, about that earring.
Black Hearted Belle: Ah me hearty, say no more, you've done your bit. You can have anything you wants.
Debbie: Thanks.
Black Hearted Belle: Oh, me long lost Mildred.
Mrs. Merry: Me long lost Belle.
Black Hearted Belle: Oh we've got so much to talk about.
Mrs. Merry: The Wellington boots, remember the Wellington boots?
Black Hearted Belle: Yeah, full of custard (laughs). And the frog.
Mrs. Merry: The frog, oh those were the days.

Added: 04/04/2015